Teabags Posted August 21, 2008 Report Share Posted August 21, 2008 dinna whinge if you've recently got an e-mail....A pregnant teenage girl phones her dad at midnight and says:'Can you come and get me? I think ma water has broken', 'Okay,' says her dad. 'Where are you ringing from?'Fae ma knickers tae ma feet. 'A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair.'Comfy?'asks the dentist.'Govan,' she replies.An Aberdonian walks into an antiques shop and says: 'How much for the set of antlers?''Two hundred quid,' says the bloke behind the counter''That's affa dear,' says the guy.'Aye, yere right!' replies the bloke.Did you hear about the fella who liked eating bricks and cement?He's awa' noo.After announcing he's getting married, a boy tells his pal he'll be wearing the kilt.'And what's the tartan?' asks his mate.'Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress.'Ten cows in a field. Which one is closest to Iraq?Coo eight.While getting ready to go out, a wee wifie says to her husband:'Do you think I'm getting a wee bit pigeon chested?'And he says: 'Aye, but that's why I love you like a doo.'What do you call a pigeon that goes to Aviemore for its holidays? A skean dhu.How many Spanish guys does it take to change a lightbulb? Just Juan.A man takes a pair of shoes back to the shop and complains that there is a lace missing.'No,' argues the assistant, 'look at the label - it says Taiwan.Two negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do two positives make a negative- 'Aye right.'A Glasgow man - steaming and skint - is walking down Argyle Street when he spots a guy tinkering with the engine of his car.'What's up Jimmy?' he asks.'Piston broke,' is the reply.'Aye, same as masel... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest treader. Posted August 21, 2008 Report Share Posted August 21, 2008 the skean dhu one made me laugh way more than it should have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Easy Wishes Posted August 21, 2008 Report Share Posted August 21, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jukeboxandy Posted August 21, 2008 Report Share Posted August 21, 2008 What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and an Aberdeensheep farmer?The Rolling Stones say: "Hey you, get off of my cloud."And an Aberdeen sheep farmer says: "Hey McLeod, get off of ma ewe." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teabags Posted August 21, 2008 Author Report Share Posted August 21, 2008 10 oranges in a tree. 9 fall out and the one thats left goes "fit happened? jaffa?"What ths difference between a joiner and a carpenterOne works wi wood, the other pents cars. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TR!ΔNGL€ T€€TH Posted August 21, 2008 Report Share Posted August 21, 2008 I don't understand these jokes:Did you hear about the fella who liked eating bricks and cement?He's awa' noo.Ten cows in a field. Which one is closest to Iraq?Coo eight.What am I missing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RossP Posted August 21, 2008 Report Share Posted August 21, 2008 I don't understand these jokes:Did you hear about the fella who liked eating bricks and cement?He's awa' noo. (a wall now)Ten cows in a field. Which one is closest to Iraq?Coo eight. (Kuwait)What am I missing?8 characters 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TR!ΔNGL€ T€€TH Posted August 21, 2008 Report Share Posted August 21, 2008 Okay, the cement one I now get. How does Iraq refer to 8 though? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeyEB Posted August 21, 2008 Report Share Posted August 21, 2008 Okay, the cement one I now get. How does Iraq refer to 8 though?Kuwait I imagine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TR!ΔNGL€ T€€TH Posted August 21, 2008 Report Share Posted August 21, 2008 Kuwait I imagine.Yeah, I get coo eight/Kuwait...ARGH, nevermind. Fucking stupid dialects! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesbroonbreed Posted August 21, 2008 Report Share Posted August 21, 2008 10 cows in a field, Fit een is gan on holiday? the one wi a wee calf........... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scootray Posted August 21, 2008 Report Share Posted August 21, 2008 Okay, the cement one I now get. How does Iraq refer to 8 though?If there are 10 cows in a field, the closest one to Iraq is the eighth one.Ten coos, coo number eight.Coo-Eight Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted August 22, 2008 Report Share Posted August 22, 2008 A glaswegian walks into a bakery and asks'Is that a cake or a meringue?'baker replies'naw you're right, it's a cake' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scootray Posted August 22, 2008 Report Share Posted August 22, 2008 Eleven sheep in a field.1 dies, how many are left?None. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesbroonbreed Posted August 22, 2008 Report Share Posted August 22, 2008 Grammar is bad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest treader. Posted September 7, 2008 Report Share Posted September 7, 2008 what do you call a chinese taxi driver!? Lau Pin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lepeep Posted September 8, 2008 Report Share Posted September 8, 2008 a man has a puckly few shandies, and fa's oer, rather spectacularly on his daup...a mannie sais tae his pal, "Is at kung fu?", "nae min, he's only hid fauwir".Green Peppers, Reid Peppers n Sunday Peppers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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