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Things you'd never hear a football commentator say

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This popped up on another message board and it's probably the best thread I've ever come across.

'He passes one, he passes two, he passes three AND THAT'S A MAGNIFICANT GOAL BY KIRK BROADFOOT!'

'And the atmosphere is electric inside Rugby Park this afternoon!'

'And Hibs have won the Tennent's Scottish Cup!'

'Group D:

number 14 - Bayern Munich

number 1 - Real Madrid

number 9 - Dynamo Kiev

number 26 - Heart of Midlothian'

'And Mike McCurry shows Barry Ferguson the red card!'

'And it's a proud day for Darren Mackie, making his debut appearance for league leaders Chelsea'

The possibilities are endless. You could spend an entire day in the pub coming up with these.

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Cambridge United have just won the champions league

England have just won the European Championship

Arsenal are fielding an all english eleven

Mark Lawrenson you really are an unfunny twat will you shut the fuck up please?

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"delboy majestically skipped past three real madrid defenders before smacking the ball and bursting the net. cambridge united 4 real madrid 0 in the champions league final and thats man of the match delboy's hat-trick'

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"delboy majestically skipped past three real madrid defenders before smacking the ball and bursting the net. cambridge united 4 real madrid 0 in the champions league final and thats man of the match delboy's hat-trick'

Only giving yourself 3? Pfft. Thing is, my mum is actually from Zimbabwe - what do you think the footballing standards are over there? I fancy my chances of getting a game.

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"And its a proud day for Aberdeen as Darren Mackie, Chris Clark and Jamie Langfield all make their Scotland debuts in the deciding tie for Euro 2008 qualification against France."

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Only giving yourself 3? Pfft. Thing is, my mum is actually from Zimbabwe - what do you think the footballing standards are over there? I fancy my chances of getting a game.

i was just being modest :up:

is there a league in zimbabwe? if so i'd fancy my chances of getting a game there!

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i was just being modest :up:

is there a league in zimbabwe? if so i'd fancy my chances of getting a game there!

Im thinking more of the national team. Im scared they are one of those teams that are run by a dictator and get tortured ect. Thats whats holding me back obviously, not my undoubtedly non-existant footballing talent.

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"It's a great day for Scotland, as Walter Smith returns and guides Scotland to Euro 2008."

"...and the results for the fourth round of the Tennents Scottish Cup...Celtic 2, Inverness Caledonian Thistle 0"

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'and here comes new arsenal manager sir alex ferguson leading his side out in this premiersip relegation six pointer with chelsea...'

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