Bowl O' Alpen

"I'm really getting a bit bored of all that 1966 business...let's not mention it ever again" Any English commentator

He's the gift who keeps on giving... Oh Ricky M... Poor Judy doesn't really get a look in with Sir Cut-In-A-Lot. Prime example of which being today, after the break, when Judy was attempting to do a 'welcome back!' link Richard dives in with "No sorry, I was just thinking about something..." He totally is the annoying uncle/dad who tries to be cool. When you turn 18 he'd be like "Right, let's get down the 'boozer' and get totally wrecked!". And he'd probably use inappropriate uncool words like 'trendy' and 'cool' i.e. "Do you like my new shirt? It's really trendy!". And he'd ask you if there was anyone you fancy...

Amazing is a bit of an understatement...

Is it because chat is french for cat? So in a way no-one is using a cat... boom boom

I heard Poundland have single-use cameras for £1. And they've got a flash!! Or do you want something more?

She defies belief... I don't even think anyone could act that stupid

My upstairs neighbour tries to play bass every night which is annoying. And the girl downstairs must have her Sugababes CD stuck in the machine cos it's always fucking on. I retaliated recently by going on a night out and setting my CD player to go off 'full blast' at half one...

Dare on Little Belmont Street is pretty funky. You even get the cold beverage of your choice and a head massage included in the £20 fee. Cashback

I think Sky Eight are making a new programme - "When Good Typing Goes Bad" with a subheading "The Effects of Alcohol"

My opinion on Barry has recently gone downhill for numerous reasons including:- - the fact he isn't real - that he is a crude marketing ploy - that the company who created him have been going about leaving insensitive comments on blogs/forums/messageboards etc. - the penny trick isn't even really that impressive - the fact he was in a Brian McFadden video - that he still feels the need to shout

**BREAKING (BUT SAD) BARRY NEWS** I regret to inform everyone that Barry Scott is indeed a made-up person. Apparently his 'real' name is Neil Burgess. He is an 'actor' and appeared in a video by ex-Westlifer Bryan/Brian McFadden http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSI5LnIhLNw. A particular highlight is when Barry/Neil and Bryan are having a heated argument (1min30secs). If you can lip-read you can actually see Barry/Neil saying "Cillit Bang is the best" and then Bryan says "Well, sorry to disagree but I prefer Cif". Brian then throws the vase of flowers off the wall and says "Clean that up ye diddy". Sad news, I'm sure you'll all agree

Noooooooooooo I've found out his 'real' name...don't want to admit it's real tho

Oh my cod. What's happening to this plaice? For fuck's hake stop arguing. It's killing my sole.

For those of you who don't know who Barry Scott is, I'm talking about the 'celebrity' that's the face of Cillit Bang. I'm considering going on a crusade to discover who Barry Scott actually is. The thing that annoys me is the way he proclaims "HI! BARRY SCOTT HERE!" (notice the capitals - he just can't speak normally and seems to have just one volume AKA shouting). He says his name as if you would go 'Oh! Barry Scott! I remember him...he's great! What's that he's promoting? Oh I must buy some'. I have no clue whatsoever who the fuck he is. I feel that I must take this opportunity to confess that I did buy some Cillit Bang when it first came out just so I could look at "what it does to a penny". Unfortunately I didn't have a lump of calcium handy so couldn't re-enact the whole advert but the penny trick wasn't even that good. This me feeling cheated and somewhat bewildered at what I assumed would be my new favourite cleaning product (please note - I'm not sure I had an old favourite). Possibly the most annoying thing about Barry (I feel we're now on first name terms) is his inablity to just talk. Maybe he thinks that shouting will make you take notice of his latest 'cleaning sensation' or maybe he was in an accident resulting in a problem with his vocal chords which means that he only has one volume. Either way it's really fucking annoying. I used to think that maybe the whole advert was just loud, and he wasn't actually shouting. This illusion was also shattered when his all new yellow Cillit Bang advert came out, featuring 'Sue' or some equally-generic named woman. You can almost see the poor woman flinching as Big Bazza bawls in her ear about what it can do to your drains and she replies at a normal level of decibels. There's a look in her eye that tells me that every time he speaks she thinks 'Hmm...do you think if I kill him and cut him up Cillit Bang will fully disolve his body?'. Basically he's annoys the fuck out of me...but maybe it's just because I don't understand him. So if anyone could shed some light on the subject then I would be most grateful and may be able to start sleeping at night again. Or even just share your Cillit Bang experiences. Give as little or as much as you can. p.s. I wonder if when he phones someone and they say hello he shouts down the phone "HI! BARRY SCOTT HERE!!!!"

I love the bit in the first video where the woman thinks he's actually got something wrong with him and asks if he's alright. And the second one...I've never seen anyone get both their feet in their mouth at the same time

Gives 'My Little Pony' a whole new creepier kind of edge really. Those Dutch eh...between their clogs, lack of hills, tulips, legalised drugs, legalised prostitution, legalised paedophelia and legalised beastiality...they got it all going on. It's almost as if they've sat down and thought 'Right we've done the drugs....tick. We've done the prostitution...tick. What else is there? Something really outrageous? By jove I've got it! Let's legalise paedophelia and beastality! Oh they're gonna hate us!'* *Please note - this is not, and is not based on, a real conversation involving Dutchmen/women

LISTEN...FLAMMABLE LIQUIDS ARE NEVER FUNNY ALRIGHT. THERE COULD HAVE BEEN SERIOUS CASUALTIES. What's that you say? There weren't any casualties? In that case it's funny! As for the broken window it's more of an inconvenience than a crime against humanity

Not sure the same could be said for local gigs but if I went to a 'big' gig by a 'big' band I'd feel a bit short-changed if I left encore-less. It's kinda become the 'done thing'...play most of the good songs, go off to tease the crowd for a bit then come back out and belt out the classics/latest single. In my opinion, the encore effect should only really apply to big bands with a lot of support and enough of a back catalogue for it to work. I went to see the Australian Pink Floyd at the Music Hall (don't worry, I got free tickets) and they went on for about 2 and a half hours without a break, but they weren't exactly pogo-ing around. Another 'factor' in this crazy encore equation is energy level. If a band are giving their all for an hour/hour and a half then I don't see any problem with having a wee break to catch breath etc. so they can give their best possible performance for the last song(s). If you really want to apply it to football, the encore could be like the penalty shootout. They don't go "Right you've already played for 120 minutes, but the crowd want you to keep going so quick, just go and kick the penalty!". It's all to do with suspense and excitement - playing one continuous set isn't really going to be great for the art of suspense. I dare say if the crowd weren't cheering/clapping/calling for an encore the band might think twice about coming back out again

About a tenner? I've got one and it's ace for videos/songs for ringtones etc. etc...

True what they say, pride really does come before a fall. Bunch of silly bastards. At least it shows that people are starting realise just how crap the Eurovision is, unlike all the "nu-european" countries that have a boner just for being invited to take part

He's alright in small doses but I reckon if I was actually in a room with him for longer than 5 minutes I might feel an urge to kill

Shahbaz = Lorraine Kelly Bonnie/Bonna/Bono = nae bonnie...how ironic I'm still not really sure whether I'm allowed to laugh at the guy with Tourette's yet. Maybe once I 'get to know him better' I might be able to openly laugh about him And there's that one that looks like what Jordan will be in about 20 years time And the posh boy who looks a bit like Prince William on crack Oh I'm such a big opinionated bastard...

I love the fact that at the start he says that he's confused and then when they go over to the correspondant who says he's also confused

Maybe Richard Branson bought him as a sex slave

Black out the windows like it's an airraid and that way if they do come to check up they'll just think "oh great she's not even in!". Or just shoot them. Both.