Soda Jerk Posted October 22, 2015 Report Share Posted October 22, 2015 A Chinese toy company has manufactured Nazi Solider toy dolls, using the undeniable likeness of Bastian Schweinsteiger. They might have managed to possibly slip under the radar if they had not named the toy soldiers: Bastian. The company are saying it is purely coincidental. Bastian is mad as hell, and is suing. Chortle. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Easy Wishes Posted October 22, 2015 Report Share Posted October 22, 2015 Cole is a great signing for Celtic. Gives them something a bit different when they have to chase a game. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murrr Posted October 22, 2015 Report Share Posted October 22, 2015 Cole is a great signing for Celtic. Gives them something a bit different when they have to chase a game. Agreed. They've been lacking a bit of outright rubbishness in their frontline since Pukki left. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted October 23, 2015 Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 Carlton Cole is quality when arsed. Shrugging off pie-laden Scottish defenders as he holds the ball up with ease is bad news for the rest of the league.I'd rate him below Andy and Ashley but above joe on the Cole scale. Patent pending Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottyboy Posted October 23, 2015 Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 A Chinese toy company has manufactured Nazi Solider toy dolls, using the undeniable likeness of Bastian Schweinsteiger. http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-34606799?ocid=socialflow_facebook&ns_mchannel=social&ns_campaign=bbcnews&ns_source=facebook "We thought that all Germans look like that." All these damn whities look the same. Brilliant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted October 23, 2015 Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 Carlton Cole is quality when arsed. Shrugging off pie-laden Scottish defenders as he holds the ball up with ease is bad news for the rest of the league.I'd rate him below Andy and Ashley but above joe on the Cole scale. Patent pending Above Joe? Nah. Joe was a great Cole in his pomp. Carlton is the worst Cole of the 4 Cole's mentioned, unless you factor in the lesser known Coles, like Man Utd academy graduate Larnell Cole who is at Fulham, but is slumming it on loan in the lower leagues. Or Andy Cole's kid, Devante Cole is it? He's lashing them in for Bradford City right now, I believe. Carlton has those two beat. Probably. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted October 23, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 He's no Nat King. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TR!ΔNGL€ T€€TH Posted October 23, 2015 Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 Cheryl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted October 23, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 Cheryl.She's not a Cole any more. Red card. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murrr Posted October 23, 2015 Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 In other "big, useless, donkey strikers" news, Big Shola's just signed for Bolton. Can't wait to see him tear it up with Heskey. Bolton fans'll be rubbing their hands together... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Easy Wishes Posted October 23, 2015 Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 I think Joe was the best Cole of all the Coles, closely followed by Andy "Andrew" Cole. Mourinho ruined Joe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodsinho Posted October 23, 2015 Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 Joe Cole plays for Coventry now. What an age we live in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted October 23, 2015 Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 Above Joe? Nah. Joe was a great Cole in his pomp. Carlton is the worst Cole of the 4 Cole's mentioned, unless you factor in the lesser known Coles, like Man Utd academy graduate Larnell Cole who is at Fulham, but is slumming it on loan in the lower leagues. Or Andy Cole's kid, Devante Cole is it? He's lashing them in for Bradford City right now, I believe. Carlton has those two beat. Probably. The Cole Coefficient still needs tinkering I grant you. Really, my comparison was: Andy in his prime > Ashley right now > Carlton on top form > Joe right now Joe in his early days is clearly way better than Carlton. But, if I was to choose right now between the two i'd take Carlton over a 'will he ever play at a top level again?' Joe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted October 23, 2015 Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 on technical ability it goes: JoeAshleyAndrewCarlton on effectiveness it goes: AndrewAshleyCarltonJoe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eupraxia Posted October 23, 2015 Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murrr Posted October 23, 2015 Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 Joe was an absolutely wonderful player until Mourinho coached the fun out of him. He became a rather functional but unspectacular player at Chelsea, which is a shame, because he was a total wizard at West Ham. Carlton Cole has never been anything more than bang average at his absolute peak. He's typically veered between that and utter shite, so I definitely wouldn't take him over Joe, unless we're talking right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted October 23, 2015 Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 He should just move to the MLS and be done with it. He's one of the most skillful English players ever. I don't think it's so much hate as it is disappointment. I really believe he could have been one of the english GOATS based on those early years at west ham and Chelsea. He stayed way too long at Chelsea - must have been earning a pretty penny - and lost the unpredictability and inventiveness that made him special by the time he was shipped out. A few injuries thrown in there too if i remember right. Fuck, just think if he had gone to Arsenal instead I fully expect Ross Barkley to follow the same career trajectory when he signs for Man City next year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted October 23, 2015 Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 We are most definitely talking 'right now' joe versus prime joe... which you'd take over any Cole out there, including Nat King. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted October 23, 2015 Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 I put Carlton Cole in the same bucket as your Andy Carrolls and Dean Ashtons. A spurt of form that lasts a couple months in reality but gets elongated to years by the media., ending up with a bloated nonsensical transfer or two and a handful of England caps. Andy Johnson would be in there but he had at least 2 full seasons of pure quality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted October 23, 2015 Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 Mourinho coaches the magic out of any player. It's criminal that he is currently moulding the trajectory of Eden Hazard's career. A player who is currently being benched because he doesn't muck in. It's ridiculous that he binned Juan Mata and Kevin De Bruyne, as he preferred the unglamerous never-stop-running industry of Willian. He's even flattened any glimpse of Brazilian flair out of Oscar, who is now essentially a skinnier James Milner. It'd be great if he got the Barcelona job when Enrique eventually gets the Spain job. Mourinho will probably bench that "MSN" front three and buy Danny Welbeck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted October 23, 2015 Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 Can't really say the same about his Real team though. Or for that matter his Inter side. It must be the English game that turns him into the lolipop police. Although i'm trying to think of true flair players he's coached before. He's had Ibra and Ronaldo who exist above any 'luxury' players in a class of their own, but apart from that who else has he coached similar to Hazard, Mata, De Bruyne, Oscar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted October 23, 2015 Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 He morphed Cristiano Ronaldo from the unpredictable winger to simply a goalscorer. Ronaldo would rinse fullbacks. Now his trickery is minimal. He rarely goes outside the defender anymore, and hasn't done for ages. He plays narrow and goes down the middle. He's been that way for a few years now. He's probably the best goalscorer on earth, but pre-Mourinho, he was a complete attacker who would create as well as score. Ronaldo isn't as fun to watch as he used to be. I definitely wouldn't consider him a flair player anymore. I'm blaming Mourinho. He wasn't a fan of Ibrahimovic, and used him as part of the ridiculous Eto'o+cash deal, despite having a great season in Mourinho's first year, albeit mostly from out wide. A great deal for Inter, and Eto'o was great at Inter as part of Mourinho's typically efficient system. They were pretty ugly to watch when they won the Champions League. Robben didn't really come to life until after he left Chelsea. He was great in that second season at Madrid, but probably didn't ever fit the Madrid profile. They binned him purely because Di Maria and Ronaldo became available. He was on a similar leash as Joe Cole at Chelsea. Did well at Madrid, then he became an elite player at Bayern. John Obi Mikel was supposedly a goal-scoring attacking midfielder before Chelsea got him and turned him into some sort of Nigerian Tom Cleverley. Or maybe he was just never that good. Let's blame Mourinho anyway, to suit my agenda, because I don't know anything about Mikel pre-Chelsea. I assume he was Maradona incarnate. Bloody Mourinho. Ballack. His goal scoring record at Bayern was stupid. Mourinho gets a hold of him, and plays him as a #6. Not a flair player as such, but he was an attacking player, smooshed into a sitting position. What a waste. He broke Shevchenko. And Pizarro. What did he do to him? He scored like, 150 goals, then goes to Chelsea, scores TWO, gets binned back to the Bundesliga, goes back to scoring 100 goals+ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murrr Posted October 23, 2015 Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 I put Carlton Cole in the same bucket as your Andy Carrolls and Dean Ashtons. A spurt of form that lasts a couple months in reality but gets elongated to years by the media., ending up with a bloated nonsensical transfer or two and a handful of England caps. Andy Johnson would be in there but he had at least 2 full seasons of pure quality. Andy Carroll is at least thrice the footballer Carlton Cole is, and loads better than Andy Johnson and Dean Ashton were. He's better than Cole in literally every aspect of the game, apart from being fit to play. That's Carroll's only real downfall, IMO, but it's a huge one. If he didn't have chronic injury problems he'd be one of the most effective forwards in the league. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted October 23, 2015 Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 Dean Ashton was classy, for a period of about 6 months when he wasn't injured. Much more than your usual Allardyce-fodder lump of a centre forward. Shame injury destroyed him. He was a younger, blonder Mark Hughes. Deceptive upper body strength and a cunt of a volley. If his knees weren't made of porridge, I'd have Dean Ashton over any of the others mentioned. His technical ability was far beyond the likes of Cole, Carroll and Johnson. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted October 23, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 Jurgen Klopp has too many teeth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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