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10 ways to be the funniest kid in your office

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Guest ()Papaspyrou()

Guest ()Papaspyrou()

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10. Keep telling the same person they have bad breath, even if they don't, and then punch them in the face.

9. Announce in a meeting that you have AIDS. After everyone gives the

sympathy remarks, tell everyone you were joking and call them a bunch of w@nkers.

8. Before a meeting, fill your mouth with custard. In the

meeting, pretend you're hacking up a greenie, spit it into a glass and hand

it to the person next to you and say "BEAT THAT".

7. Inform a male colleague that he would make a great rent-boy, then piss in his coffee and tell him he needs a good shag up the arse.

6. Always walk around with a big smile on your face and one hand down thefront of your trousers.

5. Answer every question with "Fu<ked if I know...", then call the person a racial slur that doesn't even match their colour.

4. Brag about the fact that you carry a gun.

3. Run around the office with your dick out spraying piss everywhere and yelling "It wont stop! God help me it wont stop!" Then when it does, look down and go "Oh!"

2. Ask to borrow a colleague's expensive pen - take it to the toilet and stick it up your ar5e - return it to the person and tell them that it smells bad and tell them to smell it- when they say that it smells, say: "It should - I had it up my ar5e"

1. Have a cr@p on your office floor and, when someone comes in and sees it, tell them it's the fake rubber kind. When they try to pick it up and realise it is real 5hit - laugh and embarrass them in front of everyone.

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connie Proficient

connie

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Thanks for the concern, but I'm pretty sure we can all handle the uncensored version of "crap".

"10. Keep telling the same person they have bad breath, even if they don't, and then punch them in the face."

That was really the one slightly amusing one. And you could have edited it to read "10. Punch somebody in the face", because there's nothing funny about bad breath.

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Sue Denim.. Mentor

Sue Denim..

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2. Ask to borrow a colleague's expensive pen - take it to the toilet and stick it up your ar5e - return it to the person and tell them that it smells bad and tell them to smell it- when they say that it smells' date=' say: "It should - I had it up my ar5e"

[/quote']

I did something similar once with my finger. I went up to someone and said "Does this smell like petrol or diesel to you?"

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steve corps Proficient

steve corps

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my version:

10.pretend to be gay, to help avert attention from yourself due to several rapes committed against female staff the past month

9.work hard to become the boss then end up in jail on drug charges, causing the company to fold.

8.have a sex change, for a laugh

7.cheat as much as you can, openly

6.tell lies, often and openly

5.pour hot tea in the photocopier, daily

4.set of the fire alarm, every day alternating between 8.47am and 4.15pm.

3.start real fires as well, for added realism.fires started fortnightly on a rotating schedule

2.dont go to work ever again

1.commit suicide and leave no note

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