My letter to Nobby's Nuts

[JJ 10 Easy Wishes]

that's about as funny as my cock. if you are going to insult something, make it something worth insulting, and also make the letter funny.

nobby's nuts is a good marketing campaign!

[Dayeth]

that's about as funny as my cock. if you are going to insult something' date=' make it something worth insulting, and also make the letter funny.

nobby's nuts is a good marketing campaign![/quote']

oh, sorry.

[Guest Cowboy Dan]

I thought the advert was funny.

Dabby could teach you a thing or two about writing complaints letters.

[Dayeth]

I thought the advert was funny.

Dabby could teach you a thing or two about writing complaints letters.

Who's Dabby?

[qzdiablo]

if he's talking about his dad, then that is the smartest thing anyone has posted in this thread

[Guest Tam o' Shantie]

Though it's any decent man's dream to have Dabby as his father, sadly it ain't the case. Though he remains an inspiration and father-figure to us all.

[JJ 10 Easy Wishes]

ask thomas o malley about letters of praise! he told dairylea that he was very pleased that their snacks enriched his children with calcium.

[Nicky Ca$ino]

I do this quite a lot, in fact it's the only reason I watch T.V. anymore. I decided on adding the twist of being a slighty mad/lonely World War II veteran as people are more likely to be kinder towards me and actually send a reply.

(To DairyLea)

Dear sir/madam,

I am "emailing" you to find out what exactly the cow is laughing at, the

only other time I have heard of a laughing cow was when one of my

squadmates tried to plead insanity to be excused from fighting in WWII,

needless to say it didn't work and we gave him the traditional fate all

cowards deserve.

Thanking you in anticipation of any reply,

Nicholas J. Seth

Dear Mr. Seth,

Thank you for your recent inquiry.

Dairylea no longer produces dairy products. In the late 1980s, we sold

our manufacturing facilities and the brand name Dairylea to the HP Hood

Company. In certain geographic areas I do believe they still market a

limited number of dairy products under the Dairylea label.

Regarding your question about the "Laughing Cow" cheese, I have found

some information on the Laughing Cow for you -- simply follow the link

below. Have a great day.

http://www.museedelapub.org/pubgb/virt/mp/vachequirit/

(From Walls)

Dear Nicholas,

On 15 March 2005, you wrote: Walls Standard Contact Request:

In re. your new sausage advert (the one where the dog mauls the man for the sausages), although I approve of the advert in general, it is rather humerous, I do have a problem with it. I would like to know why the dog went for the man's throat instead of the sausages, surely this conveys a negative message about your sausages for the dog had many oppertunities to release his death-hold on his owner's throat and snaffle some sausages, as we all know dogs lurve sausages, love them so much in fact that it's the only human word they've bothered to learn. Also, do you have any advice on how to terminate wild dogs should i ever find myself attacked by one mid-sausage?

Yours,

Nicholas J. Seth

I am glad that interpreted the advert in the humourous manner in which is was intended. The dog is actually meant to be going for the plate of sausages and not the actor!! The film was designed to be funny and entertaining, so it is shot in the style of a cartoon. For much of the film we have made it obvious that a puppet replaced the real dog. There are strict industry guidelines regarding the use of animals or any kind of violence in advertising. These are enforced by the BACC (Broadcasting Authority Clearance Centre) who were consulted and approved the idea at every stage, from script to final advertisement.

Thank you for visiting our website and your valuable comments which have been passed to our Marketing department.

Regards

Tracey Bampton

(Also Walls)

Dear Nicholas,

On 22 March 2005, you wrote: Walls Standard Contact Request:

Dear sir/madam,

I recently saw your newest televised advertisement in which a man cooks sausages in a microwave oven. After I had overcome my feeling of astonishment at the sight of seeing a man place sausages into a microwave oven to cook, I felt a certain sense of outrage take hold of me at the severe attack the dog made on it's owner. According to Rolf Harris, a correspondent of mine, and Steve Irwin, whom I am similarly in contact with, attacks like that are so rare as to be virtually unheard of and not actually anything to worry about. Unfortunately I did not receive this information soon enough to prevent me from having my dog, Admiral Theodore Peanut, destroyed. Though he was my faithful companion since before the war (WWII) I felt that the risk was too great as my wife (Mrs. Seth) and I are quite partial to sausages. In spite of that tragic misunderstanding I have to confess to enjoying both your sausages and advertisements greatly and hope to see (and eat!) more in the future and I do not hold you in any way responsible for the death of the Admiral.

Thanking you in anticipation of any reply,

Nicholas J. Seth

Thank you for your 'interesting' contact. I was pleased to hear that you enjoy both our sausages and advertisements and certainly hope you do continue to eat more. Please accept my condolences for Admiral Theodore Peanut.

Should you have any further queries please do not hesitate to contact us again.

Regards

Tracey Bampton

I think I love Tracey Brampton, she listens to me and understands.

[Teabags]

Nicky. you're a fucking legend.

[Nicky Ca$ino]

Mad props right back at'cha, Lieutenant.

[Teabags]

I actually deputized someone else with that badge.

Its a she. But she has authority for such a short scamp.

[Nicky Ca$ino]

Justice has no gender.

[Teabags]

Her justice has no boundaries I can assure you.

[Nicky Ca$ino]

Last one, I promise.

(To Bernard Matthews)

Dear Mr. Matthews,

I recently witnessed a televisual advertisement for your brand known as

'Turkey Ham' and was struck dumb with incomprehension and a growing sense

of outrage, what exactly IS "turkey ham" and how is it made? Do you feed

turkeys pig-offal to imbue them with a rich, piggy flavour? If so, I will

certainly not be purchasing said product now or at any time in the future,

it saddens me to think that so many of my friends died in the war (WWII)

protecting this country for it to come to this.

Yours sincerely,

Nicholas J. Seth

Dear Mr Seth

Thank you for your email regarding our Wafer Thin Turkey Ham.

As we trust you will appreciate, the term 'turkey ham' is used to identify

the product only. We then use a full product designation on the pack to

fully describe the product to show what it is made of, as below:-

Turkey Ham:-

Formed from selected pieces of cured and cooked turkey with added water,

milk protein and starch.

In fact we use selected turkey leg meat, which is cured to taste like ham.

No Pork is used at all in this product.

You may be assured that we speak regularly with our local Trading Standards office

specifically to check that our products meet all of the legal requirements regarding the

description and list of ingredients.

Wafer Thin Turkey Ham was launched over 10 years ago and is our most

popular cooked

meat product selling tens of thousands of packs a week.

We trust the above answers your query.

Kind Regards

Karen Anthony

I don't like this Karen woman.

[HummerOfIntenseEvil]

1. The crowd of people not misreading the sign and tucking into a packet of Nobbys Nuts with delight.

That bit made me laugh the most for some reason.

Genius letter.

[Christy]

mattjimf' date=' do you realise, that the very fact that you are discussing the brand on an internet message-board demonstrates not only that the advert has a purpose (in promoting awareness of a brand that was unheard of in this country three months ago), but also that it has achieved its goal?[/quote']

Yeah, but that doesn't make the advert any less shit. It is truly ding.

Love from Christy

[lepeep]

Hey Guys, I was walking down the street last night, and found a lost sense of humour, I wondered if anyone one this board wanted it, before I handed it into the police.

[thestooge]

No you can keep it you cunt.

[qzdiablo]

Yeah' date=' but that doesn't make the advert any less shit. It is truly ding.

Love from Christy[/quote']

the ad served a purpose

you don't have to like it

[qzdiablo]

Hey Guys' date=' I was walking down the street last night, and found a lost sense of humour, I wondered if anyone one this board wanted it, before I handed it into the police.[/quote']

it's not mine

every time i hit "post reply" i sit back and cackle, knowing how awesome i am

[Guest tv tanned]

I think the fact that the advert depends upon the coincidence of these indiviudals entering the exact boozer where Noddy Holder happens to be sitting, alone, reading a newspaper is surely worthy of some questioning?

Because, of course, the sign of three young men attempting to fellate an elderly former rock star is always appetising...

[Dayeth]

I think the fact that the advert depends upon the coincidence of these indiviudals entering the exact boozer where Noddy Holder happens to be sitting' date=' alone, reading a newspaper is surely worthy of some questioning?

Because, of course, the sign of three young men attempting to fellate an elderly former rock star is always appetising...[/quote']

Good point ....at least the advert is consitent in it own ridiculousness.

[Scenester1]

This thread is genius.

[Guest MDP]

this advert is still on tv!

[Scenester1]

They've got to do one with Gary Lineker dressed as a prostitute or even folk just enjoying there nuts not nibbling Nobbys ha ha how ace!