stroppycow

I've always wanted it played at my funeral to confuse people. That and the theme tune to The Archers.

I always go back to Pink Floyd bike: I've got a bike you can ride it if you like Its got a basket, a bell that rings anf things to make it look good. I'd give it to you if I could but I borrowed it. Or Soft Cell - 'It's a Mug's Game' Oh god it's another disease and you just got rid of the last You were beginning to feel OK, and the friends you gave it to Were speaking to you again. And you find yourself having sex in the back of a car And the girl underneath doesn't care who you are And you're nearly there and she still doesn't care And her chewing gum is getting stuck in your hair And there's something wrong something that you forgot Oh Shit, you've forgotten the rubber and you don't want a kid Well, deny it was you, if your dad finds out Then he'll make you stay in and do your homework And cut your hair and wear your school uniform Out in the street , oh what a fate worse than death

I'm a lousy sleeper - I only seem to go into a deep sleep about two hours before I have to get up. Living with someone who goes offshore, does a few weeks nightshift then comes back and thinks its lunchtime at 2am doesnt help either. If I REALLY haven't slept for a long time (say like a fortnight on about three hours a night) and its destroying my career, friendships, life, moods etc (to say nothing of face, wrinkles, eye bags) then I find taking a Syndol tablet can help - they're for tension headaches and seem to relax you (could be the codeine). But for f*cks sake don;t be daft with them - they are a STRONG painkiller, even though they are over the counter. If one doesn't do it then dont start eating the packet. That would be very silly. Night Nurse is also good for making you drowsy. I could recommend warm baths, warm milk, deep breathing and yoga but frankly none of this has ever worked for me and I want to hit people who suggest it. I like lavender sprayed on my pillow but thats just because I like lavender. Stick on Radio 4 and listen to the Shipping Forecast - its lovely and soothing.

I shall be wearing my dignity thank you very much!

Are you still re-opening tomorrow? Should we wear wellies?

Media Scaremongering

Kings College Fire Drills

The Tears I very much enjoyed the gig and although I still think Brett Anderson needs force-fed a few fish suppers and an ego-deflation session, Bernard Butler was totally fucking brilliant and I very much wanted to smack the two hefty neds (esp the big one in the stripey top) who managed to get between me and my excellent view of him. Lovely. Even if his hair did go a bit mental after the second song. Superb guitarist.

I loved the Two Ronnies as a kid - some of their epic musical sketches were utter genius.

If the Government want to ban smoking then they may as well make smoking illegal since it is so obviously a killer. What's that? Oh - sorry - of course you wont. We smokers earn you too much in taxes, don't we. I'm all for a some smoking / some no-smoking venue idea. I strenously object to being told I cannot continue to do something entirely legal which gives me enjoyment while out for a relaxing evening. I always prided myself on living in a country without a nanny state. No longer, it would seem. Lets all go off and live in Belgium.

Love with Arthur Lee - 2002, 2004, 2005 Acoustic Ladyland Roy Harper, 1994.... The Buzzcocks

Random Lecturers.... Shame! The poor man is confused enough already! He was so traumatised he had to go to the Machar to recover. Then again, this is the same bloke who sat through a Medieval History lecture while an undergrad himself and failed to notice it had nothing to do with Psychology........

Random Lecturers.... A friend of mine who shall remain nameless (I am open to bribes) is a Psychology lecturer at Aberdeen Uni and is frequently somewhat confused and never good at mornings. He went along to give a Level 3 Methodology lecture and was in full flow when an irate lecturer burst into the room (Meston, I think) and asked him what he thought he was doing. 'Level three Methodology', he replied. 'This is MY class' retorted the angry man. 'This is PS3003', insisted my friend. 'It is not. Its Engineering EN2006 (or similar)' shouted the other bloke, at which point my pal looked around the audience who did indeed look somewhat confused, and realised he didn't recognise any of them. Apparently he should have been in Fraser Noble. I wonder how long they would have sat there taking notes before they realised something was amiss????????????????

"Other impressions - it took so long to get served in Archies on Sunday that I found it quicker to cross the road and go to the Wig. I had to wait ages for a taxi." Ahem. Did not mean got taxi from Archies to Wig. Even I am not quite that lazy......

Bloody Freshers Week This is the first week since 1991 that I have not been working with students in some capacity during Freshers Week and I thought I would escape. Have I buggery. Am getting woken about five times a night with groups of drunken children screeching their way down the road, and, incredibly, by freshers who have just discovered shopping trolleys and think it is really funny to push them down the pavement, back and forth, back and forth at 3am on a Tuesday. Whilst shrieking like demented five year olds, obviously. Other impressions - it took so long to get served in Archies on Sunday that I found it quicker to cross the road and go to the Wig. I had to wait ages for a taxi. the usual. And yes, I am fully expecting the 'piss off you miserable old bastard, you were never a student and if you were you weren't a proper one or you'd think it was all hilarious' backlash. Bah humbug.

Thank God someone else can see it too!

MacKenzie Crook - esp in Sex Lives of the Potato Men Boris Johnson Richard Hammond from Top Gear (is that his name??) Marc Almond

Nope. Moon Unit. Allegedly, when she was at school, a classmate sneered at her and asked 'Why did your parents name you Moon Unit?' to which she glared back and asked 'Why did your name you Debbie?' Her siblings include Ahmet and Dweezil and I think there's another one.

While working at Aberdeen Uni, we had the amusingly named Iona Gunn and Anna Fair. Distinct lack of rational thought from the parents - unless they were just really warped.

Kurri Lounge on John St (not to be mixed up with Kury on King St which is shite). The Braided Fig is lovely, Bistro Verde on the Green is always good. The Stage Door is good and their banquet menu is excellent value. Nazma on Bridge St highly recommended. Can't go wrong with Cafe 52. Yum. I want my dinner now.

I'd have expected nothing less!!!!! Go girl! Christ - I wonder how Jodie Marsh can ever top this one!!!!

Since june??? Lightweight!

3220's are bastards - I spilled some Jagermeister into mine and it was not at all grateful and has never been the same since.

Fair doos. I'm now trying to think of a better way to describe him, and failing dismally. Hmph.

Was crossing Guild Street the othermorning and saw two neds on the other side of the road. Probably late 20s - 30s (hard to tell with that nippy 'taken-smack-for-too-long' look) Both very short and vaguely deformed. They looked like they would smell bad. The less monkey-like one was scratching his bollocks - not subtle hand in pocket scratching - he had his hand right between his legs, quite far back and was raking away furiously, impeded by handfuls of trackie bottoms. It was a definite 'I'm a manky bastard with crabs and probably scabies' sort of scratch, and his wee ned-face was all scrunched up with concentration under his Burberry cap. I felt quite ill.