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GraemeC

Aberdeen Music Agony Uncle

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I've decided to become Aberdeen Musics self appointed Agony Uncle..... so if you think you got Chlamydia off yer birds ma, or your pet walrus has toothache.....Im yer man!!

G...

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Dear Uncle Graeme,

My missus and I had a pact that we weren't going to buy each other a Christmas present until after Christmas and last night she confessed to having bought me something small. I've bought her fuck all. What do I do?

Regards,

Sue.

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Dear Uncle Graeme,

My missus and I had a pact that we weren't going to buy each other a Christmas present until after Christmas and last night she confessed to having bought me something small. I've bought her fuck all. What do I do?

Regards,

Sue.

Check the callender dimshit....you have a full two shopping days till santa comes, but dont let a gift eat into your beer money.... the bitch aint worth that.

You should have done what I did and checked out the skip at the back of woolworths.... presents for all the family.... cost 0

G...

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Dear Uncle Graeme,

Everything is getting on top of me. I have several 360 games I have yet to complete, piles of comics I have yet to read, I have a woman to try and please and football to squeeze in there too. I wouldn't mind having some time to socialise too, but I am having trouble finding time to juggle these things. How can I organise my life?

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Dear Uncle Graeme,

Everything is getting on top of me. I have several 360 games I have yet to complete, piles of comics I have yet to read, I have a woman to try and please and football to squeeze in there too. I wouldn't mind having some time to socialise too, but I am having trouble finding time to juggle these things. How can I organise my life?

Thats an easy one, grow up you childish bastard... what the fuck are you doing playing games and reading comics at your age? And if you can squeeze a football in there mate you have no chance of pleasing her, ditch the huge fannied bitch...!!.... so no games,comics, or burds with unusualy large vaginas and you have more than enough time to socialise.... problem solved.

G...

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Uncle G,

My Les Paul is too heavy and I don't like the colour. Can you have a word with those awful, awful people at Gibson. They've stopped answering my calls.

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Dear Uncle G,

Are you a monetarist or a Keynesian in regards to global and local economic policy? Could you also give your reasoning for each? I've been struggling to make up my mind on which is the better option.

Warm regards,

Nefarious C

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Uncle G,

My Les Paul is too heavy and I don't like the colour. Can you have a word with those awful, awful people at Gibson. They've stopped answering my calls.

Why bother? you cant play the thing anyway, especialy not standing up..

G...

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Dear Uncle G,

Are you a monetarist or a Keynesian in regards to global and local economic policy? Could you also give your reasoning for each? I've been struggling to make up my mind on which is the better option.

Warm regards,

Nefarious C

As much as I admire the writings of John Maynard Keynes I actualy dont give a flying fuck....as long as I have enough money for beer on a Friday night the world go go to hell in a handbasket for all I care.

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As much as I admire the writings of John Maynard Keynes I actualy dont give a flying fuck....as long as I have enough money for beer on a Friday night the world go go to hell in a handbasket for all I care.

Why become an agony uncle when you obviously could not give less of a shit about any of our problems?

Warm regards,

Nefarious C

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I think he's trying to teach us what's REALLY important in life. We don't need anything apart from good times on a Friday night with several beers. The rest of the week can fuck off.

Since I received my advice from Uncle G my life has changed for the better. Thank you Uncle G, thank you!

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Why become an agony uncle when you obviously could not give less of a shit about any of our problems?

Warm regards,

Nefarious C

Listen mush.... if the CSA were milking you dry or you couldnt get rid of genital warts I'd be only too happy to help, but when you're strugeling to to complete an ecenomics essay fuck off and get your overpayed tutors to help....

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Since I received my advice from Uncle G my life has changed for the better. Thank you Uncle G, thank you!

Your life must have been really pish before...!!

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Dear uncle G, You seem like you have far too much time on your hands. Perhaps you should get into a strict regime of furious masturbation to pass the time. What is your views?

fuck off... I'm the one giving the advise round here.

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Guest Exposure @ Lemon Tree

Dear Uncle Graeme,

I leave my current post today. What parting "gift" do you think I could leave?

Bear in mind that this is a client's office, and I will continue to work for the same employer. Therefore, any parting "gifts" have to be completely untraceable to me (unless they are nice gifts, but where's the fun in that?).

Kind regards

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Listen mush.... if the CSA were milking you dry or you couldnt get rid of genital warts I'd be only too happy to help, but when you're strugeling to to complete an ecenomics essay fuck off and get your overpayed tutors to help....

I'm not doing an economics essay, I don't have tutors so if they're overpaid it would be really surprising. You don't have to get aggressive because you obviously couldn't find an answer on wikipedia or whatever.

Also, how do you get rid of genital warts? Its for a...friend.

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I'm not doing an economics essay, I don't have tutors so if they're overpaid it would be really surprising. You don't have to get aggressive because you obviously couldn't find an answer on wikipedia or whatever.

Also, how do you get rid of genital warts? Its for a...friend.

This is the advise thread stupid.... the argument thread is elswhere so fuck off....who's aggresive?

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Dear Uncle G,

Has the stress of getting all those presents ready and in your sleigh in time what's made you so angry? Don't worry, only 2 days and then a night's work and it will be over again for another year.

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I'm going to be pedantic and point out it's actually an 'advice' thread :p

How should I tell my boss that he's a pathetic little shit who is only making life harder for himself by being such a cunt, without getting fired?

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Guest Hobo

Dear G

Last night i went out and got very drunk. I'm sure I saw a light in the sky. There were people dressed in green I think. Now my bum hurts and I find Madonna attractive in a psuedo sexual way, what gives?

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Dear George,

Last week I came home from work with man flu. When I let myself in to the flat ,I noticed my Jap Strat lying on the sofa with a broken string. I thought 'strange I don't remember breaking a string last night. It was then I heard moans from from the bedroom. When I got there, I saw my girlfriend getting humped from behind by a big geezer with a ACDC t shirt on.

Where is the best place to get cheap strings, and should I go from 8's up to 9's

yours hopefully

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