Alan Cynic

He was funny some decades ago And his fame, due to TV did grow Then his career just went blam! And disappeared down the Pam He's an old luvvy now, don't y'know. Female oxters...... Edit....Arnie's oxters.....

Once an old man's little finger On Lizzy Borden's bosom did linger She sliced it right off, then gave a wee cough And he laughed, 'cos she was a minger Sir Ian Wood

Fred had a lady or five That he fancied while they were alive So he'd quickly drill 'em, then help Rosie kill 'em And bury them under the drive Next.....shutterspeed

Russ Abbott plays tennis quite well But his feet soon build up quite a smell He thinks it's a joke when the fans start to croak He's just a twat, truth to tell! (and Andy Gray's smelly as well!) ....pigs heads...

There once was a man named MacGrew Who ate far too much Irish stew He quaffed pints of stout Til his belly swelled out And then he did spew after spew or.... If you catch all your vomit in pails Then feed the whole lot to your snails you can fatten them up, and upon them can sup With hardly an ounce on your scales next one...Wigs

When aliens invaded our planet And tripods were sent out to scan it They reached Aberdeen where the people were mean And bombarded their space ships with granite Next subject.....Tattoos

I saw him a couple of times at The Venue in the 80s. He seemed pleasant enough then.... maybe the drugs were working better?

Ah ha....ok then, another orange one.. If orange groves flourished in Buckie And haggises roved in Kentucky We'd get all confused, or at least be amused Til our brains got all mushy and yucky Fuzz pedals

I only went in once, but it was cricket on the lavvy 'screens', so my enthusiasm to urinate waned.

If oranges tasted like apples and farts smelt like flowers in spring I'd staple the pips to my grandmother's hips to see what her screaming would bring still fuzz pedals...

I courted a lady from Mastrick who had a few problems, all gastric She fired out her farts like garlicky darts Through holes in her knicker elastic next subject.....fuzz pedals

Pot pourri, they say, should be floral With scent which is fragrant and calm But my new idea is to use diarrhoea Cos it's just like the shit that I am next subject.....toenails

Too young

It's better than old wyrd dad-rock, I suppose! I hear a preview of their album a few weeks ago, and really liked it...plus, just heard my first Aborea music on WFMU last week.....lovely!!!!

Good idea.....hope it works.

Mine arrived! I'm looking forward to hearing it, too!

Thanks for that link, Nigel....I was going to post it tomorrow (I'm on an I-touch at the mo)

Think I saw that the Abergeldie would be doing one on Sundays. Is the Musa one still on the go?

Very kind of you! I've still not received any copies yet

Subterranean homesick blues New pony All along the watchtower Percy's song Like a rolling stone Girl from the north country Mississippi I also love his cracked covers of Canadee-i-o Sittin' on top of the world Blood in my eyes

Clipping his toenails and feeding them to babies!!!! DAVID TO THE Nth DEGREE!!!!! ....hang on... ....different David....sorry 'bout that

Thurston Moore 'Demolished thoughts' (lovely to the max!) Bob Dylan 'Studs Terkel's Wax Museum' and some second-hand vinyl.... Eddie Cochran 'Singin' to my baby' Mr Bloe 'Groovin' with Mr Bloe'

Just got to this thread....I posted a link to the above on the other thread, too Lots of great music on Folk Police....I'm particularly fond of the 'Oak, Ash, Thorn' Peter Bellamy tribute, featuring The Unthanks, Trembling Bells, Pamela Wyn Shannon etc Oak Ash Thorn - Various artists

Ooh..thank you! Now I should add a link to the Folk Police site, where there are loads of Kitchen Cynics downloadable albums!!! It's here...... Downloads - FOLK POLICE and there's a cheap-as-woodchip sampler too... Kitchen Cynics Introductory Sampler for a Quid! - FOLK POLICE

It says the Hearts guys were busted in an 'unrelated incident', but maybe O'Connor grassed?