Da Fat Porn Star

Did you hear about the Egyptian homosexual? He was in denial.

I flew to Holland yesterday with B.A. for a change. It was a nightmare............. He kept screaming and shouting, "I ain't goin' up in no plane, fool!!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------ A primary teacher starts a new job and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a football fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are supporting England in the World Cup . Everyone raises other than one little girl. The teacher looks at her and asks "Sally, why didn't your hand go up?" "Because I am not an England fan, miss" She replies. The teacher looks very shocked and asks "Well if your not supporting England, then who do you support?" The little girl looks round the room and then answers "I'm supporting Sweden, Nigeria and Argentina instead. The teacher then goes bright red. "Sally, why on earth are you supporting England's enemies" she shouts. "Because my mum and dad are from Scotland and my mum is a Scotland fan, so I am a Scotland fan." She answers. The teacher is by this time really peed of. "That is NO reason for you to be a Scotland fan. You don't have to be what your parents are. I mean, what would you be if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict that stole cars and beat up innocent people?" The little girl says "That would make me an England Fan" --------------------------------------------------------------------------- One afternoon a little girl returned from school, and announced that her friend had told her where babies come from. Amused, her mother replied, "Really, sweetie, why don't you tell me all about it?" The little girl explained, "Well... OK ... the Mummy and Daddy take off all of their clothes, and the Daddy's thingee sort of stands up, and then Mummy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's how you get babies." Her mum shook her head, leaned over to meet her, eye to eye and said, "Oh, darling, that's sweet, but that's not how you get babies. That's how you get jewellery. " ------------------------------------------------------------------------ What's the differnce between a van full of salt and a van full of dead babies? You can't empty a van full of salt with a pitch fork.

I particularly liked the 'I love taking scene pints from you, it's soooo rewarding!'

Hmmmmmm.... maybe linked?

Magnum TA Smash of Demolition Yohurt-zuna Man Mountain Rock-Cake Deep-Pan Dudley Johnny Polo Jesse 'The Buttie' Ventura Al Snow-Ball Max Moon-dust

You have waaaay to much fucking time on your hands.

Think of Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd....

Sampdoria.

But the same cat.... slut.

Does that happen alot like?

people who, in public, say they are just talkign with their friends, but are in actual fact talking the loudest anyone actually can and acting totally over the top. ie Junior Arts fuckwits. People who drink and pretend they're getting drunk. Either get fucking drunk or don't it doesn't matter to a single fucker here. Replacing their vodka with water usually sorts those bastards out. Bus drivers who put the heating on a boiling hot summers day. Who are Bluebird and First Buses employing? Lizards? People who cross the road without the traffic lights which are located 10 fucking yards away. Those bastards deserve to get run down. Junkies who try and get money off you for the bus home. Here's a thought, stop buying bags of skag and maybe you'll be able to afford the bus dickhead. Underagers. Bit hypocritical as I was one once, but they do annoy the shit out of anyone who is overage.... but much hilarity. people who eat & drink while driving. Ok, let me get this straight using a mobile phone is fine but stuffing your face and gulping down half a gallon of coke is different? People who touch your stereo. NO! People who can't put Cds back in their cases. They are made with cases for a fucking reason. It isn't that hard to put them back honest. And to the person who gave me scene points with a 'I Like You'. Thank you, I think I may mark taht in my non-existant diary.

Buses. Basically I'd be able to write an essay about how if guns were legal I'd be a serial killer on buses alone. The main one on eis bus stops. How many fucking bus stops do we need. Once you get out of the city centre tehy stop at any one with a fucking person at it. I'd be quicker walking, I mean how the fuck do you need a bus stop every 50 bloody yards? Also people getting on for 2 stops. Come on you lazy cunt you can walk that. People who don't have their change ready. You've been standing there for 15 minutes and NOW you decide to get your change out? Fucking hell. People who play their music at top volume on public transport in general. I have a Ipod, I play it top volume when I walk about, but as soon as I get on a bus I lower it.... it's basic fucking manners. Ok I'll stop on the buses. People with no accent. Oh that gets on my tits. It's getting worse and worse in Aberdeen. I stay 40m away and YOU can't understand ME?! This is how you're meant to talk. All of a suddeen you've got the same accent as Lulu and Sheena Easton? Old people. Just everything. Put a twelve-bore up against their brain stem at 75 and do the world a favour. I will be back.

Oh yes a group of Brochers will make it through for a bi-annual visit.

Here's one then: During the Souness era, what single player scored the most goals against Rangers?

I thought he hardly played a game before the injury. I remember watching him before the injury and he was immense. One of the fastest wingers I've seen and so skillful.

I always like the easy, 'What footballing uncle and nephew played in teh Premiership for the same team at the same time?'

Mistly working as always. But during my miniscule holidays me and a couple of mates are heading out on our traditional road trip. Stick a pin in a map and off you go. Chester this year, but I'm hoping to convince them to head across to Brighton after a couple of days

I too have all Sugar Rays albums... I did get a look of horror when I used to buy Sepultura & Sugar Rays albums in teh same sitting.

I find it more worrying that the entire story was about him raping the dog and hardly a mention of the molestation of the 3 year old and rape of a 12 year old. Fucking media!

Bis and Kate Bush.

The day I pay for posting on a message board is the days they lower my cold dead body into teh ground.