Swingin' Ryan

Kristen Schaal, Josie Long, Janeane Garofalo...all good. I like Sarah Silverman as well.

Pretty gash day of football for me, Ayr down to third place after a Raith win and Killie winning is just salt in the wound. A Man Utd win this evening would perk me up a bit.

Liverpool getting beat at home by Wigan? Nae joy for them. Want to see the Amr Zaki goal, sounds like a scorcher.

It's also the basis for the actually rather good 'The Last Broadcast', which is a Blair-Witch style affair which I actually believed was a genuine documentary when I was watching it as I'd missed the first 5 minutes.

Raith away for Ayr on Saturday, I'd be happy with a draw if it wasn't for the sickening feeling Brechin will do the same with Stirling keeping us that one point behind them.

Good shout. I feel I've neglected the NY Dolls a bit of late, must dig some out.

Does anybody else think George Burley looks exactly like Brian Cox dressed as Alan Partridge for a fancy dress party?

As soon as he got to that ball everyone in the bar I was in jumped up, I think we all made the assumption that as soon as he got to it, it would automatically have to be in. How wrong we were...... The fact he's ex-Ayr has been one of his few saving graces in my eyes!

Yes, I just read my post back and I have literally no idea why I said 88-keys! I assume I meant to say 88-key stereo but then most synths have that I believe so it wouldn't have been much of a selling point, either way it's still no excuse for inventing 27 keys on my keyboard.

I would recommend having a look at the Roland Juno-D, I've got one and I love it. It's more geared up for people who are looking for a synth with decent instrument replica patches (organs, strings etc) but it does have some great synth patches. There's a good few decent 80's Polysynth sounds and semi-Moogish noises and it's got a decent built-in effects processor. It's also a full 88-key synth as opposed to a mini-synth, it is about a 100-ish more expensive however and might not be as 'synthy' as you're after.

Anybody got any examples that don't involve Ayr getting beat?

Haha, jesus. My favourite was the guy in the leather trousers and some metal band t-shirt, blasting out Dire Straits 'Walk Of Life', jawdropping stuff.

The Archies veggie breakfast is surprisingly good, it's just the same as the non-veggie breakfast but with the bacon and sausage replaced with 2 Quorn sausages and an extra egg. It's cheap as chips as well (not literally, think a portion of chips is about a pound fifty cheaper). I've not been that fussed about meat substitute things like Quorn though, since I stopped eating meat. I'm happy enough with a plate of eggs, hash browns and potato scones.

Gays on television...grown men crying... fucking disgusting....Oscar Wilde was locked up for this kind of filth, this society has gone to the dogs Are you Fifties dad? Did you used to change over the channel when Mr Humphries came on Are You Being Served?

Louis CK is in the new Ricky Gervais film he's written ('This Side of the Truth, not Ghost Town). There was a great video of him and Louis CK experiencing severe turbulence on a private flight with Louis shitting himself and Ricky Gervais finding his terror incredibly funny.

Shit, really wanted to see The School. Might still pop along and catch Das Wanderlust, quite enjoyed them last time they were here.

Hen Hoose is amazing, the karaoke night is the most bizarre thing I've ever experienced. It's somewhere between a brilliant sitcom and a Dispatches documentary.

2-0 win against Peterhead for Ayr yesterday after a pretty dismal 3-0 humping by East Fife last week, only a point behind Brechin's lead now as well. Full credit to Williams popping one in after literally a minute on the pitch!

It depends on what manner you respond to them. If your just grumpy back to them, that's no fun, I like to try and get a sarcastic comment in if possible that veers on the edge of jokey, but is just irritating enough to piss them off. Some recent examples Customer - Why does nobody in this place seem to know what they're doing? Me - This is the first day of our Young Offenders placement scheme and we haven't finished our training. Customer - 6 Pounds for a bag of fucking pick and mix! Is there lead in some of these sweets?! Me - No but the density of the rat poison sticks on about a quid. These kind of transactions are the only thing that gets me through the day.

Good shout, is that the limited one where the CD itself is gold instead of grey?

At no point have I said I've ever shouted or been aggressive or abusive towards a customer, I just refuse to be polite to a customer who's been a dick in the same way I would be to a customer who's been perfectly nice.

Bingo. His stand-up is great but I genuinely think the funniest he's ever been is when he used to present a radio show on XFM with Steve Merchant and Karl Pilkington around 2001 to 2003. He's got the mark of a great comedian in that he's funniest when he's just in a room chatting to his friends (You can download them all off Pilkipedia.co.uk). At the moment I also like Kristen Schall, Robin Ince, Josie Long and Frankie Boyle and although he's not a stand-up I do believe Charlie Brooker to be possibly one of the funniest men in telly at the moment.

I work in a cinema as well and I totally agree, I don't buy into the 'customer is always right' philosophy, the customer is only right when they're not a complete cretin. I'll be totally polite and helpful up until the point the customer is a prick, then it's out the window. Unless you were raised by wolves (which many of our customers look like they have been), then you should be able to muster the basic 'please' and 'thanks' involved in making a purchase. That is particularly nice of him. I'd be dead in the ground before I apologise to a customer for the price of a product they've chosen to buy, the prices are on the menu, it's not a trick or anything (not that I'm suggesting you were complaining). The amount of times someone has loudly complained about the price of food and I've had to hold back from saying 'It's a cinema not a fucking Red Cross soup kitchen' is incredible. Clerks should be mandatory viewing for anyone who has not worked in some form of menial service job.

Feel free to write a glowing letter of praise to the management

I don't mean you specifically, I'm saying that's kind of a general stripper stock phrase. Nobody using the services of a stripper wants to face the cold reality that they almost certainly find it tedious. Maybe your friends are different, but if I was a stripper and actually attracted to a 'client', I can't think of many more embarassing and uncomfortable things to have to do than rub my crotch in there face within 2 minutes of meeting them!