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The ace "emo" education thread! OMG!

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"What are you doing, Michael?" asked KITT.

"It's Craig," I said, "NOT Michael. He gave up knight riding to become a lifeguard/private detective,"

"A PI!" choked KITT, "The fuck has that to do with lifeguard, er, ing?"

"Nothing," said I. "Damn handy if you need someone to find a brick at he bottom of a swimming pool, I guess. Anyway, to answer your original question, I've went insane."


"Well, a certain genre of music is getting a bit of a kicking right now. Not entirely undeservedly, as some people have exploited it badly, but there are some decent people being put into concentration camps minus their record bags and sweaters right now, and it pains me to see them suffer. I'm a liberal fella, however, and I believe in helping their tomentors, and perhaps those exploited by lazy NME journalists and yuppie record execs, to see the light."

A thoughtful silence filled the car, like some kind of philsophical fart, or 'phart', except it was only a metaphor so it didn't stink, except metaphorically, in which case it did.

"Oh..." said KITT, "how?"

"Well... I plan to draw attention to some bands I really love that get tarred with the "emo brush" in order to prove their worth. Kinda like how Nu-Metal sucked, but that "Bodies" song is still useful if you want to make a trailer for a film with Vin Diesel in it."

"Well, Micheal." said KITT, 'what albums/bands to you intend to recommend?"

"Firstly, Rites of Spring . I know Fugazi are pretty well respected around these parts, and this band includes a certain Guy Picilittolottoltolo. They're probaly worth any punk/hardcore fan's listening time at least. Certainly a big influence on the current wave of "emotional hardcore", although I think the slightly cheap 80's production may scare off those weaned on FFAF and TBS"

"Really," said KITT. "You undertsand your sudden shift in register in that last paragraph reads really badly?"

"Fuck you. My sugar, your gas tank, bucko! Next up is , Sunny Day Real Estate probably a good answer to those who think emo is musically shoddy. Nate Mendel of the Foo Fighters used to play for these guys. Kinda a shame members of argubly two of the 90's biggest rock bands are in the now adequate-but-not-as-good-as-they-should-be-Foo Fighters. Anyway, their album Diary is the emo equivalent of that "lifespring" in Final Fantasy 7. Everything begins and ends with it in my opinion. It's fragile, moving, epic, melodic and a lot more adjectives too!"

Then I fell asleep at the wheel, which was cool 'cos KITT was a robot car. Sadly, an evil robot car, crashing into a school for nuns and 8o's movie cutesy kids, forcing me to continue this epic later, and hopefully inspire some discourse.

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Originally posted by =ShaunF=:

...and yeh. Sunny Day Real Estate. very nice indeed. :cheers:


I'm going to write on some more bands who aren't really on TV and stuff who I really love and who have been blessed/cursed with the whole "emo" tag, but I'm kind of tired and I want to make a post worth reading. Wait until I gush about Desparecidos....

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Originally posted by Lawy Lawson:Attorney:


I'm going to write on some more bands who aren't really on TV and stuff who I really love and who have been blessed/cursed with the whole "emo" tag, but I'm kind of tired and I want to make a post worth reading. Wait until I gush about Desparecidos....

i'm sure that would be more than lovely.

i checked out some of the bands you recommended on another post. i really enjoyed them. :up: please keep up the good work.

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Having woken up in Hell after the tragic car accident that claimed the life of myself and some Nuns I was faced with Charon the ferryman.

"Hold up," I said, "I thought I'd go to the Christian Hell if anywhere, what the fuck is a character from Greek mythology doing here?"

"Uh, wiel,' sais Charon in broad doric, "'er wiz mergurs an' ah thon shite. Summit tae dae wi' fallin' church attendunce, ye ken. Onywise, yer a skint lookin' basturt so instead o' gien uz money fer me tae ferry ye tae McHell.com (as it is now known), if ye ken recomennd as a 'emo" band, ah'll let ye in,"

"But surely," I mused, "Hell's ferryman would be a fan of Maiden, Slayer, Decide...Styx?"

"Aye, nae funnay!B'sides. I like a bit 'o Prince, y'ken? But ah s'ppose ah do like pretty noisy bands, y'ken?"

"Noisy bands? why sir, Desparecidos may be right up your street. The link goes to the saddle creek label site, so you may want to check out Cursive, The Faint, Broken Spindles, Bright Eyes and Rilo Kiley while you're there. Anyway, Desparecidos combine a name thats really hard to spell or pronounce with politically aware lyrics, weezer meets pulp meets At The Drive-In noise pop and Ministryesqe samples from Adverts and Public Information Films."

"Politickully aware lyrics? nah min! Emos ah aboot girlfriends 'n shite!"

"Well, Desparecidos' debut album is a critique of the american dream focusing on the dark side of greed culture from "New for fall" about the fickleness of fasion scenes to "The Happiest Place on Earth' about American Imperialism. See if you can hunt down the track 'Poppin' Off at the F" a total rocker of a song about Nuclear weapons"

"Sounds ace," said Charon. "But the only record shop in Hell is a woolies and the only radio station is Virgin. Hope you like Coldplay and The Darkness!"

With that, my screams were lost amongst the wailing of the damned.

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I'd been in hell for a few hours before I was called up to the Hell processing facility in order for my punishment to be decided. After some deliberation a low-level necrobuearocrat decided that I'd have to watch "Roman Polanski's Pirates" on a dodgy VHS for of eternity with nothing to eat but Skips, a crisp that I can't help but associate with filthy toddlers who wonder around with them spread over their shiny little toothless faces whilst trying to stop their own mucous from running into their mouths. Man, I really don't like skips. Crisps shouldn't melt, unless they drive their van into a vat of toxic waste, like in Robocop.

Luckily, I ran into the main character from DooM, who was kind enough to give me a blue key so I could get out of hell...however, all was not well as I ran into the Spider Mastermind.

"Why the hell is a spider ruling hell?" I queried, "I mean, sure a giant spider is pretty cool last boss, but really... I thought Hell's ruler would be cooler, like in Paradise Lost, or Billl and Ted's Bogus Journey."

"I'm just filling in for Lucifer. Goddman asshole is on Earth making sure there will never be a Ghostbusters 3."

"Holy shit! That's diabolical!" said I.

"I'm a sad spider at the end of the day," admitted DooM 2'S final guardian. "What would really make me happy is Ghostbusters 3, or failing that Evil Dead 4 or failing THAT, heartfelt pop music that rocks out a little.

"Oh," I said ""like the Get Up Kids (offical site seems to be down...). More in common with Weezer, Jimmy Eat World or Green Day with minor threat, but probaly more honest than some of the current crop of "emo". And they do sing about lost girlfriends..."

"So why'd you like 'em?" asked the Spider Mastermind.

"'cos they're cute," quoth I. "And their rarities album, Eudora has some pretty able Pixies, Cure and New Order covers. They cover them without being blasphemous."

"Meh," said the Spider Mastermind. "They're okay, but their later material is kinda empty to me." I nodded in agreement. Although still good, it failed to really grab me personally.

"HEY!" I exclaimed, which is why I put a "!". "What about

Texas is the Reason? "


"TITR!," said I, and saying TR at the end of the word feels weird. It's not a common constanant cluster in that posistion. "Like the article says, they "mix pop, rock and hardcore" and their influence can very definitley be felt in the current wave. Infact, I've even heard them called the daddies of "nu-emo", which is a horrible term!"

"Yes," said the Spider-Mastermind, "Yes it is. Anyway, I guess you better leave hell then. You only got 20% secrets."

" Hmm, I know. It was just some shells and green armour."

"That's pish"

"I know."

With that, I found myself back in Aberdeen withnothing to do but make my way home...but something was amiss...

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  • 11 months later...

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