Hilarious Lyrics

[Guest ()Papaspyrou()]

I guess you'd have to listen to the songs to understand the context, but whats your favourite (in terms of funny) lyrics.

I should probably have grown out of this sort of thing, but its the style that its portrayed in that craks me up ever time

Eminem - As the World turns

""Den Den Den Den Den Den, Go go gadget dick!

Whipped that shit out, and aint no doubt about it

It hit the ground and caused an earthquake and power outage

I shouted "Now bitch, lets see who gets the best!"

Stuffed that shit in crooked and fucked that fat slut to death (Ahh!!

Ahhh!)

Come here bitch!

Come here!

Take this motherfuckin dick!

Bitch""

[Sam 45]

'Fuck, she's got siphilis' - Onion Terror

Classic

[Jammer]

Mother told me, yes she told me, I'd meet girls like you. She also told me "stay away you'll never know what you'll catch"

Surrender - Cheap Trick

[Mouse]

arrr uhhhhhhhhh guhhhh

Who's there?

ah uh ah

*grunt*

Now get outta here.

huuh, you fool get the fuck out!

mmhhhm

You ready?

You Goddamn better believe it.

Then take your drawers off,

and work your legs.

Open your ass up like a keg.

Let me tap it,

I must have it, hmm.

Furry fool, you are mine.

I'll drink your ass like wine,

and when semen pours all over your head you know you must be dead.

Skeletor I knew ya groove,

and shake it so damn good

and when you cum on through my hood I'll give you a piece of wood.

You furry fool i know, and i will not disagree,

but there's one thing we don't like and it starts with He-

man, oh no I don't know which way to run or turn.

Don't worry Skeletor, your pants on fire my cock will burn.

My cocks on fire, for more dick!

You know Skeletor...

Yes, my head is so damn thick like yours.

No brain inside, just a lot of fucking fur,

and if i ripped it off, you'd find a boy and call him her, right?

No Skeletor, that's not what I'd do.

I'd bend you over and shoot, hhhhhaaa, chocolate goo..

in your asshole.

Lemmie lie.

Lemmie tell the truth.

Now who are you?

I don't know.

Let's break it true, now,

shake your ass c'mon beastman, shake your furry fur off.

I can't it's made of fur.

Bitch well then whack me off.

Grab your hairy palms.

Hairy, hairy indeed.

They're hairy as fuck.

Rake some leaves.

Ahh, what ever you need.

Now we're drunk, *snarl* we'll be in jail.

But, I'll rape you master.

It never fails.

He's always got my ass on his mind,

and it's sure in fact.

When he waxes me, he waxes all night long

and that is that.

Now, Beastman, Beastman what do you know about taking off your clothes?

You're just a slut from down below in Castle Greyskull, c'mon.

ahh Skeletor I shaved my legs for you tonight,

and if you see my cock I hope you go in fright.

ahh Skeletor you made me do some coke,

ahhh I'm up all night and its no joke.

Furry fool, break dance,

take off your furry pants,

take off your high heels,

and put them in your ass.

Now somebody is tip toe-ing,

and someone just came in.

And someone's pretty fat.

Beastman's pretty thin!

I've got AIDS,

Beastman AIDS,

and I'll spread it into every good boy and girl today.

Watch me give you cum stains in your fucking drawers.

Beastman watch your mouth,

we don't need that language any more.

C'mon Skeletor, don't you wanna see me work it now?

Beastman show them how you're going to get my ass and plow.

Now stick your cock inside, like Rake Yohn fucking said.

That faggot fuckin` douche bag only knows how to give head.

Two men,

in bed,

his face is getting red.

Ahh listen to everything i fucking said.

*grunts and snarls*

ah Beastman, do you, know how to end this song?

[Guest bluesxman]

I Hate Nerys Hughes by Half Man Half Biscuit -

St Vitus came to my town

And visited the cemetery.

The dead got up and everything

Became one big one big cacaphony.

They all went down the social and

They claimed their supplementary.

And all the necrophiliacs

Were walking 'round in misery.

The rotting mass of calcium

Was shopping in the Superstore,

Careering down the aisles

Like one big psychopathic carnivore,

The shelf-stackers work of art,

In ecstasy crashed to the floor,

And meanwhile the Saint was

Going crazy at the fire-door.

Ah, the beautiful sparkling healthy spa water of Bath, in Avon.

I! hate! Nerys! Hughes!

I! hate! Nerys! Hughes!

I! hate! Nerys! Hughes!

I! hate! Nerys! Hughes

[Guest bluesxman]

A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying - Bloodhound Gang

I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert

That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love.

It had been a while.

In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went

since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10.

I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons

through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops.

Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips,

milky white skin and baby blue eyes.

Name was Russell.

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well I find it's quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave",

this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls

like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.

Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin',

cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer."

Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern,

and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask

as I do my little kooky dance.

And then she told me to shush.

I guess she could sense my desperation.

Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well I find it's quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.

So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ

is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole

with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something

resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?"

Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later

I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.

Got to nail her back at her trailer.

Heh. That rhymes.

I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on

when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula.

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well I find it's quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch,

gave the tranny a spin and slid on into

The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.

There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb",

when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton.

Well, my heart just dropped.

So, I decided to do what any good Christian would.

You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice

and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five

in an eighteen-wheeler.

I never thought missing children could be so sexy.

Did I say that out loud?

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well I find it's quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

[Uncle Mog]

I can't make boasts about my body.

The workmanship is somewhat shoddy.

Sometimes I overwork my gob.

Can't buy you gifts, I've got no job.

I know you find my habits sickly.

I know sometimes I cum too quickly.

I don't mind jokes like "two-stoke wonder".

Just don't slash my trust asunder.

Arab Strap - General Plea To A Girlfriend

[Guest AmbientMood]

I can't make boasts about my body.

The workmanship is somewhat shoddy.

Sometimes I overwork my gob.

Can't buy you gifts' date=' I've got no job.

I know you find my habits sickly.

I know sometimes I cum too quickly.

I don't mind jokes like "two-stoke wonder".

Just don't slash my trust asunder.

Arab Strap - General Plea To A Girlfriend[/quote']

Thats not funny.

Maybe I've listened to too much Zappa though..

[McGoatski]

Your dog was your only friend,

You`d spend your life-savings fixing its broken leg,

You loved it more than your parents loved you,

And then I ran it over.

Your dog was dumb, and now it`s dead,

My tyre-tracks are tattooed on its head,

My tyre-tracks are tattooed on its head.

I dragged it 50 yards down the street,

And you ran after me in tears,

I almost crashed because I ws laughing so hard,

Then I turned around and tried to hit you.

Your dog was dumb, and now it`s dead,

My tyre-tracks are tattooed on its head,

My tyre-tracks are tattooed on its head.

Anal Cunt - I Intentionally Ran Over Your Dog

[Mordred]

LAWNMOWER DETH

Spook Pery Happenings In The Snooker Hall

Pointy teeth as sharp as blades,

Ray Reardon haircut fallen from grace,

Pointy sticks - they make him mad,

'Cos Dracula was our Ray's dad.

Spook, Pery, Snooker Hall

Crowley once challenged Ray to a game

Losing your soul was the paying stake,

Crowley used garlic, brightstone and fire,

'Cos fucking Ray Reardon is a vampire.

Ray Reardon, Ray Reardon,

We are all doomed

Spook, Pery, Snooker Hall

Referee, come clean the white,

Dracula he makes a bite.

F.A.T. (Facist And Tubby)

Is that your gut?

Or the front of a bus?

You should be ashamed of yourself.

You look like a baloon,

'Cos you're so full of lard,

It's good for none of our health.

You fat bastard

Facist and tubby

Rad Dude

Don't talk to me about your scene,

And that anarcho ideas are more than dreams,

You've got a board and a baseball hat,

Don't fill me with your right on crap.

So you've got a board - Rad Dude,

And youlisten to sod - Rad Dude,

And the scene is heaven - Rad Dude,

You're only eleven - Rad Dude.

No meat, no food, no sex,

Younever get the opportunity to shop at Next,

You wish you were a big puffy glam,

Then you wouldn't have to give a damn.

Then I could spray my hair,

About the ozone layer, I wouldn't care.

Then I wish I was glam,

Then I wouldn't give a damn,

Then I could spray my hair,

The ozone layer I don't care

Rad dude

I'm the Rad Dude

Yipe Lawnmower Deth are the champs on comedy lyrics

[Mouse]

Too many good Anal Cunt ones, so here is a good example

"Your dad took out a second mortgage to buy you a horse

You loved it, and took better care for it than yourself

You command it, cleaned it, and fed it apples every day

I was broke, drunk, and hungry, so i killed your horse, and ate it

I ate your horse

I ate your horse

I ate your horse

I ate your horse

When you came to the stable next morning

You found a pile of hair, teeth, and hooves

I hid around the back, to listen to you cry

Then i beat an old lady to death whit the leg bone

I ate your horse

I ate your horse

I ate your horse

I ate your horse"

[McGoatski]

Too many good Anal Cunt ones' date=' so here is a good example

"Your dad took out a second mortgage to buy you a horse

You loved it, and took better care for it than yourself

You command it, cleaned it, and fed it apples every day

I was broke, drunk, and hungry, so i killed your horse, and ate it

I ate your horse

I ate your horse

I ate your horse

I ate your horse

When you came to the stable next morning

You found a pile of hair, teeth, and hooves

I hid around the back, to listen to you cry

Then i beat an old lady to death whit the leg bone

I ate your horse

I ate your horse

I ate your horse

I ate your horse"[/quote']

Suppose we should draw a line under Anal Cunt now cos quoting some of their other songs would get you lynched here, seeing as so many folk think if you quote something you must agree with it.

[Sue Denim..]

Barnes And Barnes - Fish Heads Lyrics

Fish heads fish heads

Roly poly fish heads

Fish heads fish heads

Eat them up

Yum

In the morning laughing happy fish heads

In the evening floating in the soup

Ask a fish head anything you want to

They won't answer they can't talk

I took a fish head out to see a movie

Didn't have to pay to get it in

They can't play baseball they don't wear sweaters

They're not good dancers they don't play drums

Roly poly fish heads are never seen

Drinking cappuccino in Italian restaurants

with Oriental women

Yeah.

[-matthEw-]

Bob Dylan's 115th Dream,

I was riding on the Mayflower

When I thought I spied some land

I yelled for Captain Arab

I have yuh understand

Who came running to the deck

Said, "Boys, forget the whale

Look on over yonder

Cut the engines

Change the sail

Haul on the bowline"

We sang that melody

Like all tough sailors do

When they are far away at sea

"I think I'll call it America"

I said as we hit land

I took a deep breath

I fell down, I could not stand

Captain Arab he started

Writing up some deeds

He said, "Let's set up a fort

And start buying the place with beads"

Just then this cop comes down the street

Crazy as a loon

He throw us all in jail

For carryin' harpoons

Ah me I busted out

Don't even ask me how

I went to get some help

I walked by a Guernsey cow

Who directed me down

To the Bowery slums

Where people carried signs around

Saying, "Ban the bums"

I jumped right into line

Sayin', "I hope that I'm not late"

When I realized I hadn't eaten

For five days straight

I went into a restaurant

Lookin' for the cook

I told them I was the editor

Of a famous etiquette book

The waitress he was handsome

He wore a powder blue cape

I ordered some suzette, I said

"Could you please make that crepe"

Just then the whole kitchen exploded

From boilin' fat

Food was flying everywhere

And I left without my hat

Now, I didn't mean to be nosy

But I went into a bank

To get some bail for Arab

And all the boys back in the tank

They asked me for some collateral

And I pulled down my pants

They threw me in the alley

When up comes this girl from France

Who invited me to her house

I went, but she had a friend

Who knocked me out

And robbed my boots

And I was on the street again

Well, I rapped upon a house

With the U.S. flag upon display

I said, "Could you help me out

I got some friends down the way"

The man says, "Get out of here

I'll tear you limb from limb"

I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"

He said, "You're not Him

Get out of here before I break your bones

I ain't your pop"

I decided to have him arrested

And I went looking for a cop

I ran right outside

And I hopped inside a cab

I went out the other door

This Englishman said, "Fab"

As he saw me leap a hot dog stand

And a chariot that stood

Parked across from a building

Advertising brotherhood

I ran right through the front door

Like a hobo sailor does

But it was just a funeral parlor

And the man asked me who I was

I repeated that my friends

Were all in jail, with a sigh

He gave me his card

He said, "Call me if they die"

I shook his hand and said goodbye

Ran out to the street

When a bowling ball came down the road

And knocked me off my feet

A pay phone was ringing

It just about blew my mind

When I picked it up and said hello

This foot came through the line

Well, by this time I was fed up

At tryin' to make a stab

At bringin' back any help

For my friends and Captain Arab

I decided to flip a coin

Like either heads or tails

Would let me know if I should go

Back to ship or back to jail

So I hocked my sailor suit

And I got a coin to flip

It came up tails

It rhymed with sails

So I made it back to the ship

Well, I got back and took

The parkin' ticket off the mast

I was ripping it to shreds

When this coastguard boat went past

They asked me my name

And I said, "Captain Kidd"

They believed me but

They wanted to know

What exactly that I did

I said for the Pope of Eruke

I was employed

They let me go right away

They were very paranoid

Well, the last I heard of Arab

He was stuck on a whale

That was married to the deputy

Sheriff of the jail

But the funniest thing was

When I was leavin' the bay

I saw three ships a-sailin'

They were all heading my way

I asked the captain what his name was

And how come he didn't drive a truck

He said his name was Columbus

I just said, "Good luck."

Also, locally, some of Fluffy and the Rainbow Bunnys stuff is hilarious.

[Tensium]

GAWK, CHA KOAH. DA-DAY-DA-DA-DA-DAY-DA-DA WHOAAAA

fantomas, page 11

[Hardcore Mel]

'How do I know if I'm ready to take it there

Just thinkin' about it it scares me, like Freddy

Cos I'm virgin, virgin sexy

If you want me, just text me

Cos I'm havin' such a chemical reaction

Come on baby'

Virgin Sexy, by the Sugababes. I think it might be about anal sex, but I'm not sure.