jon Posted March 28, 2005 Report Share Posted March 28, 2005 I AM POSTROCKfrom the lips of many, but too good to be hidden I present, the Post Rock News......Hi, I'm Gates McFadden. Welcome to post-rock news. This new section aimsto keep you up to date with all the exciting developments in the worldof vaguely experimental, mostly American twiddlecore. Oh yeah, and westuck some electronica news in at the bottom, to make us seem moreeclectic.***** Michigan-based 27-piece arsecore collective EYE AND THE RAININGTELESCOPE are to play a series of low-key gigs across the UK. On thistour, they'll play songs from their last album "I Can Hear A MillionShatners" on upturned wheelie bins. New Jersey monotorockers GROO! have recorded a 3 day long song. Thetrack, which consists of the same 2 really difficult guitar chords,which don't really go together, played over and over again, had to berecorded onto a special tape that the band built themselves. Bolivian nose-flute abusers WE ARE NEU KOLOMBINE ECHO RANGER! play atThe 13th Note on December the 33rd in a bid to escape the fascism ofdates. FLAMING GENERAL - featuring members of THE SEA AND CAKE and PLEXI willbe releasing a limited edition 7" later in the year. Pressed on ice itcan only be played by those cool enough to own it. BO! NONSELECTORTRON are playing a short tour of Red Cross Hostels in abid to weed out non-fans and arseholes from their audience. Supportcomes from DEGRASSI. Back with The Sea And Cake - they are teaming up with THE DEAD C andNICK CAVE to form THE DEAD SEA AND BIRTHDAY CAKE, a band that will playnothing but King Crimson covers on planks of wood and maybe string.Finally, Mark Knopfler's DIRE STRAITS are to work with Steve Albini.Said Mark "There has always been a post rock element to our music. Well,people have said we are boring as shit". All the way from Toronto "!:::~###" will be playing at the Arches inGlasgow right now. The gig finished a few moments ago and the band havenow returned to the Airport to leave the country. If you weren't thereyou obviously hate music. ALI G is to appear on the next TORTOISE album in a bid by John McEntireto give the band some 'street'. A band made up of only animals? Yup!VOSSY VOSSY VOSSY (FIST F*CK) are five dogs and a hamster playingangular noise rock. Sadly they are very derivative of Shellac andbassist Rover has rabies. BAGUETTE ADVENTURE are a new sound in ourfaces, known as the 'Irish Slint' by Felcher Fanzine. They will bedeconstructing Boyzone songs for pennies and chocolate outside Fopp fora short period on Saturday. They might wear Christmas Steps to appeal tothe kiddies. Go! NEU-RON are a fresh signing to Record Records. Spotted by Brad Smith ata primary school review they represent the new queercore sound.Interestingly, none of the members are gay though one of them was oncehappy. The movie "Plock!" is released next week at two terribly trendyart-house cinemas. The sound track was performed by THE MAGMA CORE 93, asound force collective featuring members of PAPA M, UI, TRANS AM andMIDNIGHT OIL. The music is mostly triangular in nature, and grey. TheMidnight Oil part of the line up will be touring schools in spring withsupport from LAETO. Self styled "God of You!" STEVE MALKMUS is vowing tokill all who stand against him. Australians COME UNDER NEATH TENTER will be bringing their unique brandof folkf*ck to the Barrowlands market on Friday morning, around 9.03am,near the man who sells second-hand trousers. Shit your head off withtheir brown sound. Finally, DANIEL JOHNSON, tone-deaf savant and hero tothe late and very much not alive Kurt Cobain, is recording his new albumwith 80's pop gurner RICK ASTLEY. Rick said that he was "never going torun around and desert you". CLAM THRAP MISTER YEAH are the new SteveAlbini-endorsed band. Playing a blend of hardcore, post rock, noise andgay disco, they were recorded by the man himself in his GOD OF NOISEstudio just outside Chicago. This studio runs alongside his main one,but uses only pre-1910 recording equipment to get a "real" sound. Theyare signed to Epic. The THE COMPLETE CUNTS hail from Texas. Their liveshows are supposed to be incredible, playing inside a concrete chamber,with all the music piped out into the venue. The drummer uses a kiddiesdrum kit mic'd through EIGHT Big Muff pedals, they have nine guitarplayers and one monkey on stylophone. The atmosphere inside the chamberis reported to be "close". They support NINE LITTLE MEN INSIDE ONEGUITAR throughout the UK soon. MERCURY TILT SWITCH are from Dundee. They have had members for twoyears. They play rock type music. The hottest tour of the fall, State-side, is from New Jersey-based ZINQ,playing a melange of metal, hardcore, free jazz, speed metal, grindcore,death metal and grunge. Brad Weener of the band said of their recenttour "It's like totally cool the vibe we're gettin', man. It's cool toget all that pain out. All the colleges we're playing at seem, like,totally, totally level, y'know?" Support came from BUSH. HAIL MY RUPTURED RETICULE, the hotly-tipped 10-piece frondle-core outfitfrom Squirreltrap, Kentucky, will be standing in a room, naked exceptfor diapers and straw hats, staring at you...thin threads of salivahanging from their half-open mouths. Support from THE SUPERNATURALS. Experimental post-ironic pop group WESTLIFE will be creating a groupperformance this week with a participation audience of media savvy eightyear olds, who will wave and scream throughout the performance inimitation of sad boyband fans. THE FOR CARNATION's next album will only be available on Betamax - aSony-devised home video cassette format which went out of use almost twodecades ago. When asked for a quote, David Pajo ran around in circlesflapping his arms and squawking like a bird. For two weeks. It lookslike speed-math-rockers IT'S A HUGE FLAMING HORSE'S ASS have thepost-rock hit of the summer on their hands, with their interpretation ofthe theme tune to popular TV drama "Minder". The band have confessed tous that the catchy counter riffs during the 11/4 section were actuallyplayed on two tennis racquets. It turns out that side one of pre-ironicbeard-wearer MIKE OLDFIELD's "Tubular Bells" is better than SLINT'Sgenre-defining, ripped-off to buggery, post-rock watershed album"Spiderland". I heard a guy say so in the pub. "We're gay, we're bald,we like experimental ambient rock, and writing in medieval English".That's the slogan of new Chicago outfit THE GAYE BALDYE EXPERYMENTALLEAM'BYENTE ROCKE BANDE. ZZSCHNIT hit the UK for the first time later thismonth. As part of a bizarre situationist art stunt, the controversialKentucky-based 19-piece will be playing as part of a Britpop revivaltour. Support comes from TINY MONROE and MENSWEAR. Brian Eno has deniedrumours he's set to join MOGWAI as gimp. "I deny the rumours that I'mgoing to join Mogwai as gimp," said the bald dwarf. His role in the bandwill be as rhythm ambient noises, in a supporting role for Barry Burnswho's been in the band for two years on lead ambient noises. PAPA M's Dave Pajo has described his rejoining of the FOR CARNATION,reuniting him with former Slint partner Brian McMahon, as "excellent".He said, "It's excellent. Brian had all these lovely spacey atmosphericsongs on tape, and then I decided to play lots of weird chords andarpeggios over it. We then decided to release it on Betamax because,y'know, we want to stay true to our obscure roots. I thought theCarnation, as I like to call them, were getting too mainstream. They hadtunes, for God's sake!". When quizzed on why he released an EP of shitcountry tunes, he ran away. He was later seen eating curly wurlies in arabbit hutch. KRAFTWERK's post-rock remix album is out next week. "The Modal" featuresreworkings by TORTOISE, DAVE PAJO, PAPA M, KEVIN SHIELDS,UNGABANGABUGGABUMnow!, SCRAPE ELEPHANT and THURSTON MOORE'S DADPATRICK'S BIG GREY COCK. All of the bands reworked "The Model" and cameup with exactly the same tune, despite the fact that they were workingin isolation. Kraftwerk are said to be "delighted" with the results. RAMSAY STREET'S MADGE is the new Australian band making waves downthere. They have yet to record these sonic oscillations, but SteveAlbini is interested. Richard Branson's V2 records have signed MIKE OLDFIELD. Tubular Bells 4and 5 are being recorded and will be released back to back, like thelast two Back to the Future films. Volume 4 features a collaborationwith David Pajo. Volume 5 is jungle. Yick. ARS SNIP SNIP SNIPYAHOOLIGANMEGADEATHCRIMESQUAD are touring Dundee next Spring. Supportfrom ASUKA, they play 13 times in the small city at various Ned pubs,and a night at the Westie. GEORGE GARFIELD THAT USED TO BE IN THE BILL BUT IS NOW IN EASTENDERSplayed their first gig at London Zoo, yesterday. Featuring members ofbass trio ROTHKO and BILLY MAHONIE, they were said to "have frightenedthe polar bears". All members played bass. Electronica NewsDon't missMY EEL IS PRESIDENT JOHNSON when they hit your town as part of theirforthcoming UK tour. The obscure German avant-garde composers makeelectronic music by rubbing toy telephones together. One of them plays atheremin as well, but only at the soundcheck. Modern day KrautrockersCYLINDERICAL ARCSECOND TOROID play experimental music using their owndecimal scale, with it's controversial "H" and "I" notes. Putting the'mmmm' into 'microtonality'. Support comes from PRO-FORMA. Digital noisemayhem with experimental art-noise combo GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG MAHATMA -FAREWELL! YOU DARK LOCOMOTIVE. All they actually do is play old Foghatrecords on a really cheap stereo with the speakers wrapped in tracingpaper and human excrement. I think it's supposed to be ironic orsomething - their sampler rack has a picture of a nude Japaneseschoolgirl suggestively holding a cucumber on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
confession Posted March 28, 2005 Report Share Posted March 28, 2005 Wish I was emo...what talent. Can sense alot of tears went into that poem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lazy pixie Posted March 28, 2005 Report Share Posted March 28, 2005 poem 1 My dude friend is deadThat's what i saiddead in the headmr. ed mr. ed mr. edyou see it's not such a mysteryyou and me will never live in miserybeat the heat beat the heat beat it beat itevery strand of your hair therei care for everywhere every strand of your hairI'm thereI care for every strand of your hairi care for every strand of her hairgravity of something that is everythingis the only thing that means anything to memy third eye makes them not wanna diethis is for you this is for youshe's swimming through the seashe sees what i see the meaning of the three parts of beshe's screaming all over meI feel her in me all over meaccomplishing accomplishmentmy tents walls are line with cement I am the one that can't be bentso fond of being fond in the end i am just fondhow beautiful. From now on, I will never be able to look at the word 'fond' without a little tear in my eye. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gumpy Posted March 28, 2005 Report Share Posted March 28, 2005 i dont care.i find it funny though' date=' that alot of people on this thread actually think the guy posted that poem sincerely. idiots.[/quote']i did to Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Main Agent Posted April 2, 2005 Report Share Posted April 2, 2005 Heres some lyrics *removed*sorry, I posted that without permission. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fast Caz Posted April 2, 2005 Report Share Posted April 2, 2005 rectal prolapse is by far funnier than thisi think i'll go hjave one anyone care to join Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NARC Posted April 2, 2005 Report Share Posted April 2, 2005 beat it beat itNo, you're just a (bad) plagiariser of "Aneuyrism". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sludge Posted April 3, 2005 Report Share Posted April 3, 2005 cheer up' date=' emo kid.[/quote']pot.kettle.black.calum go play with traffic or something. jesus christ. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Amy* Posted April 3, 2005 Report Share Posted April 3, 2005 Days Forgiven In Augustby Dan AtomI love the pretty flowers,They smell so nice and lovely,I love the little animals,They make my heart all bubbly.I love my floppy woppy fringe, And scarf and cardy too,I love to picnic in the park,And write poems just for you.But most of all I love to love,The love I give away,Cos I'm a faggy emo geek,And I'm so fucking gay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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