Flash@TMB

I was in the supermarket and the friendly Indian guy on the checkout said (I shit you not) "Ah ha jolly good sir, are you a pirate or a biker or a rockstar?" I replied that I was both a pirate and a biker and helped run a rock bar. Then when he stared at me in evident confusion and embarrassment I handed him my business card. Now he just thinks I'm a dude. Or perhaps a weirdo.

Am currently reading "Entering The Castle" by Caroline Myss. It's a modern reworking of El Castillo Interior written in 1577 by Saint Teresa of vila. Am only at page 44 but already it's shaping up to be one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. The foreward by Ken Wilber and the authors own preface are worth the admission price alone.

I read that a few months back. The chapter on Gillian McKeith is priceless.

He went on to 'star' on Falcon Crest. So not cool it negates the sitting on motorcycle with Michelle Pfeiffer for saddlebags effect.

I'll make you cool.

Cool people don't need to ask things like that...

No, for the same reason. People are expecting to be able to buy a drink and play the jukebox. We need to remain predictable and consistent. Doctor Drakes was a venue that was very accommodating to bands and gigs and Aberdeen is a poorer place without it.

We're a bar/venue and the business is predicated on our bar trade. We need to be predicable and consistent about when there's an admission charge. People know that Mon-Thurs we're operating as a bar. That on Fri we're operating as a club (albeit one that closes early), on Sat as a venue with a door charge, and on Sun as a pub with music. Whenever we deviate from that routine there is a knock on effect and it takes a few weeks to recover, this applies no matter how successful the gig. Likewise through the week we tend to shun activity nights like karaoke, pub quizzes, contests etc. We're a safe haven for people who just want to drink and listen to the jukebox.

Not cool enough

I didn't frequent pubs and clubs until I was 18. I never drank alcohol in a bar until I was 18.

What way are the speakers facing?

Doesn't sound as bad as real flu if you're able to use a computer. The flu I had at Christmas... couldn't get out of bed for 5 days and had to piss in my empty volvic bottles. There is a coughing up blood virus doing the rounds, John had it a few weeks back and looked really green. First time he's ever been ill.

Like I've been telling you for a year - you're genetically gifted. Remember a few weeks ago when some bint asked why you were wearing a t-shirt with shoulder pads (and they weren't shoulder pads)? If you took this stuff seriously you be a God instead of umm just Godawful. I read somewhere that the average man can only manage 3 underarm pull ups. You did 3 wide grip over arm. You even managed an underarm with only one arm... well sort of. Most kids now have spent so much time plugged into the Disney Channel that by the time they reach drinking age they can't even muster up a single pushup - you did 5 handstand pushups. You're totally wasted as a waster. Seriously. Train with us for a year and you'll be unbeatable.

Thanks Helen, Nice work but I think you copied down the handstand pushup numbers wrong, the reps were mostly sub 20 on that one. The rocky pullup stats are pretty amazing.

You could try saving the spreadsheet as a JPEG file, then saving it in your gallery and linking it in... Umm

NP It's not visible to the naked eye. The thing that looks like a cock is in fact the whole of Teabags. Just to end any confusion.

Anyone got photos?

I'm getting too old for this nonsense! The next oldest competitor was 11 years younger than me hah hah. Helen should be along soon to provide a detailed breakdown of the results... Would be interesting to see some of the rep numbers as the standard was very high this year

We're not in Charles Street. Don't know what that is... Afro Droid Chris - yes we're still on Thursday's, that's the only day that we can get access to the training hall at the moment. Amy didn't train SCS with us as such, but she did train during the experimental crossover stage between KAFDO and SCS. You can also train with us on Friday evenings if you want to, although that's not strictly SCS it is a lot of fun.

Contestants are: John the Doorman Spiderman Farmer Joe Vampire Dave Teabags Boazy Dave "Mitch" Rowlands Flash Lucas is being kept in reserve in case anyone drops out. Current title holder Leill couldn't compete this year as it clashed with his summer holiday.

The big problem I found with karate was that it made me very tense and immobile. Also taught telegraphic strikes, bad practice like low hands and blocking kicks with hands, was a one size fits all cookie cutter approach, you only sparred karate against karate, the mechanics would leave you with a broken wrist, the stance should be renamed "the sitting duck"... I could go on. It took me a while to eradicate all that from my muscle memory. Looks brilliant when you see rows of people in white pyjamas going through their katas though! I tried to use it a couple of times for real. Found a huge problem with range as I was used to pulling my shots short LOL - because that's how we trained. Mobility was bad too, the person could just back peddle away, you really needed to pin them to a wall then unleash a bunch of screw punches. But like most MA, provided you struck first and kept hitting then under favorable circumstances it was possible to beat the shit out of someone clueless. Just. Also chipped my knuckle hitting the top of a guys head. To practice hitting someone's head you really need a bowling ball in a sack not a punch bag

What we do is neither a martial art nor a sport. It's a mix of self defense, self protection, unarmed combat, and armed combat. But it's constantly evolving and very interesting. There are no instructors as such, everyone is a student, and those that have fully grasped the syllabus take turns to teach it. There's no scraping, bowing, or calling anyone sensi or master. There's no belts. We train in joggers, t-shirts, and trainers. We use the bare minimum of protective clothing, gum shields and gloves for beginners, and just gum shields for the really advanced. We also build up to using full force once a persons defensive skills have evolved to the necessary level. It's more for truth seekers than sports people or martial artists. You gain an understanding of what is and is not effective in real life where there are kerbs, broken glass, dog shit, traffic, cell phones, CCTV, packs of chavs, no time keeping, no count, no gi, no gloves, no rules, no ref, no paramedics on standby, no towel, and no bell.

I last trained under Ronnie in the summer of 1989.

You can just show up. It's an 8 week course. This week, next week, and the week after are good times to start, but people can and do start any time, it's just a little but more confusing. The current structure of the course is: Week 1) How to avoid confrontations and ambushes. How to run away. Desensitization to threats and violence. Anticipation. Overview of set piece preemptive and retaliatory strikes to gain quick KO. What to do afterwards. Week 2) Footwork, mobility, balance, and evasion. How to get back on your feet quickly, get out of a chair quickly. Use of footwork as an offensive weapon. This lesson is important as it provides the footwork that underpins pretty much every technique. Week 3) Defensive weaponry. How to breakdown an attack and destroy a persons striking capability. Week 4) In depth training on the mechanics of non-telegraphic striking. What hits where, when, how, and why. How to use a combination of strikes leading into a cycle of destruction. Week 5) Deception. Use of fakes to create openings. Week 6) Clinching including head control and head rips. Ground escapes. Many of these techniques are illegal in MMA type sports. Week 7) Locking, throwing, and restraining. Some basic knife defense techniques. Use of the magazine as a legal weapon, effective against knife and needle. Week 8) Tactical awareness. How to actually win a fight. What not to do in a fight. This course is continually being refined, so the contents and arrangement is liable to change from time to time. This Thursday is week 8). Next Thursday rolls around to week 1). Weeks 1), 2), and 8) are good places to start.

Things have moved on a lot. There's very little in common with a traditional martial arts class.