Guest Laura@TMB Posted March 7, 2007 Report Share Posted March 7, 2007 You missed my personal favourite, A used tampon stuck to the mirror in the ladies... o_O Gross... of course, if you'd asked the person why they'd done that, the reply would've been along the lines of "well after I'd set fire to the sanitary bin and then blocked all the loos with paper, I just HAD to put it somewhere"!Quite recently on a Saturday night on entering one of the ladies' cubicles, someone had spread out sheets of loo roll on the seat (like your mum used to make you do in a public toilet). They kindly left it on the bog seat for the next customer but forgot to take their glass with them which was sitting on said toilet paper at the back of the seat/bowel. Ach well, at least their bum cheeks and glass were kept nice and "clean". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biz Posted March 7, 2007 Report Share Posted March 7, 2007 Here's a great recommendation for hot water.Those wee disposable push down dispensers are nice. They had them in Dr Drakes, who also had those push doon taps that sprayed the water everywhere due to too much pressure.They go hand in hand with supermarket Tea pots for being shite and nae built richt for the purpose for which they were intended . I did, ooh err missus, come across this lengthy but quite interesting read.Think before you flush or brush Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IamScrooge Posted March 7, 2007 Report Share Posted March 7, 2007 Mine on the auld days before soap fan everyone would have tae shit in the widdies an nae wash their hands??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flash@TMB Posted March 7, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 7, 2007 Mine on the auld days before soap fan everyone would have tae shit in the widdies an nae wash their hands???Dude... that's not funny. It happened to me in the Palace (well Ritzy back then) in 1992. I was on a date at the time. No bogroll, no soap, no locks on the doors, gaping holes in the cubicle walls (a bit like the grope box), and a nasty bout of durchfall (that's a German word BTW - it translates most directly as 'through fall' but means something else). It was around that time that I started wearing bandanas, for 2 reasons:1) So that my by-now-ex-date wouldn't recognise me as being the same guy whose left hand smelt like turd.2) So that I would have something to wipe with in future if I ever pucked up the guts to go back there.Was possibly the lowest point of my entire life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachie Posted March 7, 2007 Report Share Posted March 7, 2007 I remember you telling that story on here before...Gads Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaki Posted March 7, 2007 Report Share Posted March 7, 2007 Quite recently on a Saturday night on entering one of the ladies' cubicles, someone had spread out sheets of loo roll on the seat (like your mum used to make you do in a public toilet). They kindly left it on the bog seat for the next customer but forgot to take their glass with them which was sitting on said toilet paper at the back of the seat/bowel. Ach well, at least their bum cheeks and glass were kept nice and "clean".that must have been one violent shit!!! o_O Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DustyDeviada Posted March 8, 2007 Report Share Posted March 8, 2007 Seems that the "actress" Tori Spelling is also a fan of big dumps, check out her blog:Hi there! Dean and I are so excited to be gaining so many friends. This is fun!You know what isn't fun? Plunging a toilet. The B&B is in full swing with renovations and there's workmen in and out all day long. So, I guess it was bound to happen. But, the thought of unplugging a porcelain bowl so graciously ladled with 230 lb workman waste at 8 months preggers was not a task I wanted to undertake. However, the bowl runneth over and over and over and Dean was in town buying lumber. So, I had little choice. Well, "little" NOT being the operative word by far. I had to give "McSteamy" kudos here...this was a two ton turd that seemed invincible. It coiled in ways I've never seen a snake do before.Good for him for having such a well balanced fiber filled diet but this brown beast scared the crap out of me! And, I'm NOT shit shy. In fact, I'm a Poo Fanatic and a fart joke fan to the extreme.I even have the childhood cartoon books "The Gas We Pass" and "Everybody Poo's!" proudly displayed on my mantle while my unused copy of "War and Peace" collects dust buried in my sock drawer.Hey, I'm a self professed and midly obsessed Poo Lover and not ashamed to admit it. Shits funny! Just not other people's shit. Now, some may say... HEY, your about to have a kid get used to it! But, somehow wiping the babysoft bottom of a 7lb little being created lovingly with the man I adore doesn't seem so bad. Neither does the collecting of mini tootsie rolls that shoot out of Mimi La Rue's ass everywhere she goes. But, this was ungodly. Yet, when I set my mind to a task I go full steam ahead. So, I rolled up my sleeves, grabbed my plunger, and dove in. I plunged my little heart out when suddenly a miracle happened... the toilet flushed! SWOOSH...and it was all but a distant stench. I was left repulsed and exhausted with a sore forearm yet somehow I felt PROUD! I mean...lets face it, growing up I never had to plunge a toilet . I didnt even know what a plunger looked like. So, it felt like an accomplishment to this girl. I strutted out of that wasteland with a new found respect for septic tank cleaners and a smile on my face. It just goes to show you--- When life hands you CRAP, you plunge away!-- Tori xoxoblog.myspace.com/torianddeaninnloveShe was in Bevery Hills 90210 you know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flash@TMB Posted March 8, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2007 She was in Bevery Hills 90210 you know.So where's the pictures of your dumps that you promised us? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DustyDeviada Posted March 8, 2007 Report Share Posted March 8, 2007 So where's the pictures of your dumps that you promised us? I decided they were crap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biz Posted March 9, 2007 Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 just to set the record straightI couldn't let it lieJamesy here. Thirdly, you stopped going to gigs that you never paid for (that's right ladies and gents - our favourite bizmark here is rfr's number one freeloading bastard .REALLY? This makes you look VERY cheap, I have been on the guestlist TWICE, hardly worth greeting aboot, especially since one of them had been advertised as a free gig, anyway, I did buy several lagers and nips so it's not like it cost you anything. In fact let's face it, I have helped you out on numerous occasions at short notice, so if anyone has the right to grumble it's me , so moan moan moan, apply hair product, moany moannety moan moan, see, I am a man of many talents, I even dae impersonations of girny faced exagerators tae.Anyway much as I like gigs, if the venue isn't up to scratch - if it is a sticky, dark, stinky ,dive I'd rather just go somewhere clean like The Lemon Tree. Go on clean yer toilets oot, and whilst ye are at it gae the bogs a dicht tae, us punters and freeloaders deserve to be treated to clean seats and toilet facilities that work if we are expected to frequent your establishments. Simply placing tables above holes in the floor will NOT suffice.It says a lot that I would rather miss a decent band than put up with sub standard conditions, but Kef went the same way, lets hope the cleaners have been in for next weekend. I like the bogs in Drummonds, a bit lemony stinky, but the vending machine on the wall is a hoot, the products get mair bizarre a the time.The taps work and the hand dryer is nice and speedy. Ahh good old Drummonds bogs, it brings back happy memories of a groupie called Sparkles, who had intimate knowledge of them, and who surely would not have put up with wet knees, unless she was a really clatty hoor, which remains to be seen.Aha, now there's an idea, we could get Sparkles to hae a keek at the bogs and gae them marks out of ten for shaggability in, with the top prize of a BJ or a shit on a glass topped table, I'm sure the standards in our local establishments would soar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flash@TMB Posted March 9, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 Go on clean yer toilets oot, and whilst ye are at it gae the bogs a dicht tae, us punters and freeloaders deserve to be treated to clean seats and toilet facilities that work if we are expected to frequent your establishments. Simply placing tables above holes in the floor will NOT suffice.Biz presenting the prize for cleanest bogs at the Fudge Awards last yearI like the bogs in Drummonds, a bit lemony stinky, but the vending machine on the wall is a hoot, the products get mair bizarre a the time.The taps work and the hand dryer is nice and speedy. Ahh good old Drummonds bogsWho the fuck are you? Eric's bum boy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biz Posted March 9, 2007 Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 Ooh that sounds like Bros LyricsBet they are still your favourite band.Time for a celebrity bar staff competition, and to show I'm nae baised towards Drummonds, here's a weel kent face fae Tunnels... guess who? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flash@TMB Posted March 9, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 Easy - Nicky Casino.My turn.Who is this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biz Posted March 9, 2007 Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 Pheww, almost seamless, I nearly got the hornLet's liven things up a little, I dinna like tae boast, but I'm a dab han at this kind o thing.Could ye teach me how to remove the comfy seat and replace the bowl wi a metal monstrosity that yer erse will stick tae in the cauld weather?.Och forget it,I'll be far too busy here - The Toilet Museum - The Home of Toilet Art, Humor, and Fun Facts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DustyDeviada Posted March 9, 2007 Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 Classic! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flash@TMB Posted March 9, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 My legs aren't THAT fat. Surely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biz Posted March 9, 2007 Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 And tonight Mathew 16 again will be....Laura fae behind the bar...ta daaaaaaThat picture above isnae REALLY Nicky Casino, unless he does a wee bit o modeling on the side. I found it in the Irn Bru calendar , och but ye never ken, he is an international man of mystery. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flash@TMB Posted March 9, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 Laura fae behind the bar...ta daaaaaaThat picture above isnae REALLY Nicky Casino, unless he does a wee bit o modeling on the side. I found it in the Irn Bru calendar , och but ye never ken, he is an international man of mystery.Second from the left? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biz Posted March 9, 2007 Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 Och aye the thenI am grinning like a cheshire cat having just consumed some of our crate of Belhaven Best beer which was on the rider, and because I had just washed and dried my hands in the excellent facilities, mon the taps.Here's that prick J Kay , he may have a penchant for speeding along our Scottish roads in his flash cars, endangering everyones sheep and coos, but he dis dicht the flair in a cool way , mon the community service for being a dick on the road...b3ta.com links Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kilgore Trout Posted March 9, 2007 Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 Second from the left?is that Craig Pert on the far left? good god. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RicoAUBL Posted March 10, 2007 Report Share Posted March 10, 2007 i haven't read this thread all the way throughso i'm not sure what place you're all in right now..but..i'm just glad to see someone else finds the farty noise the taps in the tunnels make amusing..:] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biz Posted March 11, 2007 Report Share Posted March 11, 2007 and the award goes to...Blimey Jamesy, why not let us all know what you really think...For the record I think the Moorings bogs are possibly as perfect as it gets.Jamesy and Rob ( out of shot, behind Flash with his tongue sticking RICHT oot )congratulating Flash and Garth at the L Oreal / Armitage Shanks personal grooming and hygiene awards Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biz Posted March 11, 2007 Report Share Posted March 11, 2007 And it will be dreich in Aberdeen...Now back to those taps top tips with Biz.Thanks Heather, instead of our usual hi jinks and amusing anecdotes, (with a free sneaky plug for a local business), at the end of todays news, we are giving oot Ginger Peachy Lemon Squeezy tips on DIY , and todays tips are about sorting oot yer plumbing. Insert sound effect of ruler getting twanged on table...Ooo err Heather, check THIS oot Plumbing > Fitting new tapsYe can text in yer opinions at 1.50 per message, and be sure in the knowledge they will NOT be read and that some fat cat is lording it up wi yer money on a beach, or driving doon the wrang side o the road in Deeside.Cue advert for cheap flights to shite destinations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue Denim.. Posted March 14, 2007 Report Share Posted March 14, 2007 Jingies...it says there's been over 1000 views of this topic. How amusing... Not such treachery afterall surely! I'm just sad that Sue Denin hasn't felt the need to comment....yet..........Because I'm damned if I'm going to be drawn into talk about toilets.Bugger! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forsythia Posted March 15, 2007 Report Share Posted March 15, 2007 Ah SUE!! I knew it. My saviour AGAIN....You're the funnie................Ah! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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