Gooch_Taylor

To be fair, his head's in his crotch, not ass-to crotch

I found Minchin funny the first two times I saw him doing that song about the blow-up doll. The next forty-odd times made him more than a little irritating.

That was fucking wrong! Mind you, I hate it those twattish veggies who moan about how your meal once had a face, so maybe it's something farmers should look into for the squeamish.

You sully Jiu-Jitsu! Triangle set-up, methinks.

Pretty sure they're remaking Alfie again already... with Russel Brand. Or maybe I imagined that for some completely bizarre reason...

Maybe we should all pool our ideas and come up with a truly original script that we can send to some Hollywood execs and tell them to make our pile of shit instead of rehashing old ideas and fucking them up in old and lackluster ways! Or we could continue to bitch about how small pieces of our childhood are systematically being dismantled to make them some money for ivory backscratchers and colonics. If they touch Goonies I'm getting a machette and a plane ticket to LA

I used to think that a number 3 was when you went one and two together... Wonder if my parents were secretly laughing when I came back from the toilet as a five year old proclaiming I'd just had a number 3? As far as the whole bank thing I ranted about before goes, they called my parents' house because we didn't have the landline sorted when we first moved, so that was the contact number they had for me. My mum told me to call them, I did and got a list of all the uses of my card for the preceeding two weeks. So fucked off about it. Why pay for porn when I know how to unlock the bathroom door? (before any smartarse says it - when she's showering, not taking a shit)

My mate's sister gave that to him on Blu-ray, not realising he had an X-Box, not as PS3. Gave me a shot of it and I wasn't overly impressed. Vicious little shites are always a bit of a shocker though.

Just wait... some asshole will inevitably get their hands on the rights to remake Big Trouble in Little China as well. Why are all of Kurt Russell's films from the 80s randomly iconic? Small wonder why Tarantino was supposedly desperate to get him for Deathproof. The Kong remake is amazing - one the of the few real remakes that are. As an incredibly manly man (*cough) I don't mind admitting I was actually close to tears by the end of it. Apparently The Crazies is a remake too. I didn't know that when I watched it to be honest, I just thought it was yet another film that was in one way or another following the Resident Evil storyline of "town infected/overrun by zombies/mutants/aliens-fighting-a-Predator, lets get a small group to leg it while the government gear up to purge the place with a nuclear attack". Pish.

Completely agree with that and I definitely feel there's a huge difference between a reboot of a franchise and a remake (Batman, Star Trek, etc) but there's aline that should never be crossed, and that is to remake a film that holds far too much meaning to people. Fair enough, the original King Kong will have made an impact on a great number of people when it was first released, but Jackson's expanded on the story and improved - dramatically - on the visual representation. Even somoene who remembers seeing Kong vividly as a child would look at it now and admit that it looks more than a little dated. Two John Carpenter remakes I saw in that list - Escape from New York and The Thing - shouldn't be touched at all. Kurt Russel's the man!

My bank being cunts. Not content with allowing just over 200 to wander out of my account due to some fucker's fraud, they passed my claim to the "non-fraudulent claims department" purely because the person using my card had also supplied my name, date of birth, address, postcode and e-mail address to the sites he was paying with my money. They reckon it'll take at least a month to get a decision on whether they'll give me my money back themselves or not. In the mean time I'm to try and get a refund from multiple American-based porn sites myself.

RIGHT! Remakes of Commando, Neverending Story and Warriors can all get fucked. When the original is already great, why fuck with it? Fair enough, I agreed with the remake of King Kong, but only because the tech at the time couldn't do it justice, unlike Peter Jackson's affort, which I thought was superb.

Point taken - I'd originally written a proper rant, then removed half of it and accidentally removed the bit saying that it was a remake of The Crow that they're doing... cunts! It just got me thinking about how pissed off I'd get at hack-jobs of other films I loved - like The Goonies, or Princess Bride. Things from my youth that I absolutely adored. The Crow's not even that old a film, so how can it be justified doing it again?

Seriously... what the fuck!? To make matters worse, it's not another damnably awful sequel, it actually is rumoured to be a remake of the original film, starring Brandon Lee. If it couldn't get any more disconcerting... take a deep breath... then read who's meant to be starring in it... Mark Wahlberg Blasphemy - pure and simple. Any other films that have been remade that shouldn't? Or films that haven't been remade, but you hope to fuck won't be?

Oh yeah - Darren Mackie was at my prom (he's now married to a girl I was at primary school and academy with I think) and I met half the then Aberdeen team about seven years ago along with Willie Miller, Doug Rougvie and John Hewitt - I was in a play commisioned by AFC and they all turned up to the opening night as guests. Play was not bad, I had a bit part, but pretty much the whole main cast have been in Taggart at least once each, one of them was also in Still Game and another is in Touch of Frost and gets shit thrown on him in Trainspotting by Spud. Best bit was the opening night when we all got a bash at the free bar afterwards.

oh dear... Anyway - I once ate half a Lynx deodorant stick because we realised one of the main ingredients was a type of alcohol and we thought it might get us drunk. My mate ate the other half. We remained sober. It didn't taste good. I don't really want to say how old I was when I did this, but it was at school.

Now THAT is something I did not expect to read.

They've said they won't do anymore after the film, but who knows - they probably only planned one American Pie to begin with! Wasn't the biggest fan of the final episode. Just didn't seem like a proper ending to such a great series. Loved how excited Neil was when he found out he had the clap though! LOL!

Okay... if I'm finding mine slow, I really do sympathise with yours.

I was stopped in bars a couple of times and told I looked like Forrest Griffin by some random, who later turned out to be a friend of my sister and her boyfriend... fun times

HAHA - he looks like Jordan's son Harvey. He probably didn't see the wall there... or the ball...

Our Orange B-band is pretty slow as well - less than half the speed downloading stuff as I used to get out in Inverurie on BT. For some reason it's about twenty times slower with my Playstation - leading to so much lag that I struggle to beat even shit people at UFC online... grrr...

Wish people would get online and check things more often. Tired of the constant phonecalls of: Them - "what time are you open?" Me - "we've got a session on now until half three" Them - "okay... and what after that?" Me - "the next session is from half six until eight" Them - "and what about the rest of the week? I might come in the morning too" Me - "you can check online and you'll get the entire timetable there or you can just pick up a timetable from us when you come in" Them - "oh no - I don't like using that. Just tell me when you're open please" FUCK OFF and stop being so frightened of technology!

Met Prince Charles opening a sports centre once - primary school made us go. Apart from that, I've met Jordan twice years ago opening a strip club in Aberdeen and some random night she was in Pearl as well as getting my photo taken with Matt Wiman after he got Knockout of the Night at a UFC in London I did also meet Cat Deeley at Gatwick when I was seventeen, about to leave on a family holiday, but my luggage (with my camera) was already away or I'd have grabbed some photographic evidence for my spank bank.

Marisa Tomei's (may have spelt that wrongly) tits were indeed on display in the Wrestler - and a fine pair they are at that!