Dan G

i strongly urge you not to click the above link, it's a little unsettling

I'm guessing these guys are sufferers of Progeria or suchlike?

Jesus. Which Symposium songs did you do?

We did 'Circles, Squares & Lines' and 'One Day At A Time'. Great tunes!

We also did 'Fade to Black', 'Last Caress', 'Nothing Else Matters' and 'So What' by Metallica, 'Monkeywrench' by the Foos, 'Kung Fu' by Ash. And a couple of our own tunes.

Do you think the current financial climate will have driven these prices up or down?

I'm just askin'.

Good question. I'm guessing they'll have gone down. So they can now advertise: "Our prices have gone down... but not as much as our girls have."

Although I'd be even more interested in whether or not you get charged VAT for someone taking a crap on your face whilst you get hand relief. Assuming there is, thats an extra 2.5% saved right there.

How much for "A" levels?

Think 'A levels' were 60 as well. 'O levels' were 40

This wasn't classy stuff I might add. One of the flyers advertised it as being "very discreet".

Which would have been more believeable if the picture on the advert wasn't a woman hanging out of a window with her jugs out.

Yeah remember them, sure it was you guys I was watching.

The had a song called caribou also

Quite possibly. If it was 1999 and you heard rubbish covers of Metallica and Symposium songs then it was definitely us!

Are heterosexual males not allowed to look at lesbians in an admiring way? I think you can. I certainly don't think I need to become a gay anyway but thanks for offering.

Of course you can look at lesbians in an admiring way... I was just saying you wouldn't really get anywhere given the opportunity.

It's like going into a fancy guitar shop with lots of lovely looking guitars, and then being told you can't even have a wee play on one, never mind have it permanently. You have a quick look but after a few minutes it gets a bit frustrating.

So you go home and play with your own one, whilst thinking about the ones in the shop.

Whereas all I was saying, was that if you're nice to me, I'll let you have a go on mine. It's not quite as pretty as the ones in the shop, and there isn't as many features to experiment with. But it makes a nice change from sitting in your room playing with your own one...

Correct poo games terminology and now this, are you MMW guys visiting 'interesting' nightspots on your forays to Europe?

The poo terminology came from my old flat years ago - we had an entire wall covered in escort service flyers that my flatmate had picked up from phoneboxes in London. We used to phone them all the time when drunk... hence how I know that the watersports going rate was 60, and hardsports was 100 in 2002.

I remember skipping maths one time and watching you and a couple of guys soundchecking. At least think it was you, did dog play with you?

nah, his band was called unhinged and they were way worse than us. And we weren't exactly good!

adam stachura drummed in that band.... terrible nu-metal covers.

My team are called the Cleveland Steamers... I have a completely brown strip.

Who's the current one!?

One time at school a bunch of folk decided to have a rock night in the main hall of the school.Things were going well until the rector came in and decided to call it off because of too much folk were moshing,it was a metal band playing (widely considered the best band in town at the time.)The band didnt want to leave the stage, instead they started a cover of Metalicas "So What!".Power got cut and all that was left was the drummer playing the away.The boy singing got excluded for a couple of days

Punk Rawk

Great stuff. My old band covered "So What" and "Last Caress" at a Montrose Academy gig. Teachers not impressed.

We also played one of our own songs that said fuck 4 times at the talent show, in front of grannies and little kids, as well as all the teachers. Rock and Roll rebels.

That was back in 1999, way before metal was anywhere near popular.

"I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation".

That's what Joan Jett said, I'm going with her because she looked better in black leather than any of you would.

She was also a serial drinker of the furry cup *nudge/wink* and therefore you'd stand a better chance of sleeping with me. If you play your cards right.

Does that include Oreo McFlurry's??

I don't know. But here's the phone no. for the one on Union Street so you can ask for yourself:

01224 212960?

Funnily enough i really wanted to give you rep for this! some people deserve rep (like yourself, i want to give you rep for just about everything you post)

That's very kind of you sir. Like with what Phil said, I find intelligent posts as well as funny ones worthy of rep. I try not to be too stingy with dishing it out, but I do find it to be the same few people that I want to give rep to, and I'm regularly hit with the old "you must spread...etc" message.

Reputation doesn't mean anything.

Actually, it does. It's a highly accurate measurement of how good you are at life.

McDonald's have recently started accepting rep points as legal tender. Try it yourself.

You could probably only get an apple pie though. Or perhaps a McFlurry.

Basically, you need to start getting better at life John. I'll PM you some jokes that you can post as your own work, and lots of people will give you rep points and soon you'll be having Fillet O Fish AND chicken nuggets for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Are they all shit metal bands then?

(LOL)

No. Proceed are fucking brilliant.

I heard he swaps rep points for giving blow jobs.

If only my lips were as supple and flexible as his... *sigh*

Still, I've got a rusty trombone/sherrifs badge so not too far before I'll have much to be proud of.

That would be because a cream egg weighs about 39g.

they are actualy 40grams sir, however in the U.S they used to be 39 grams in 2006 but in 2007 they started making them smaller at only 34 grams

Well then it's lucky for me that I said about 39g rather than exactly 39g, otherwise I would have looked very silly indeed.

Badum-tsh! Incidentally who do you suspect may weigh 6 stone? That's like a 10 year old's weight.

Well there are quite a few people on here that post as if they are ten years old....

What if I wanted her to anally beast me? Then what would I ask for?

Unless "anal beasting" is an official term, you'd be best to explain to the girl in detail exactly what it is in order to get an accurate quote.

I bet I could throw a cream egg farther than anybody on this site.

That would be because a cream egg weighs about 39g. Even the lightest person on this site would weigh at least 6 or 7 stone.

You'd be a freak if you couldn't throw a cream egg farther than anybody on this site.

I think "bum fun" covers it.

I'm afraid not, sir.

You try phoning a "working girl" and ask for some bum fun and she'll think you just mean anal intercourse.

If you want pooed on, and are serious about it, you need to reference 'hard sports'.

I think it was the progression to chocolate sports that did it.

What is this chocolate sports of which you speak? The half twirl javelin? Mice using minstrels as discus? Cream egg shot putt?

I believe the term you were searching for, as used in the industry, is 'hard sports'.

I'm in.

I played it for the first time last year and had a treat!

I think it was DR Dave.Think Mrs Christie was gone by the time I was there.

Their was one teacher who used to take the school football team and they he used to hang have them round at his to get pished, one time a boy woke up after passing out their without anything on his bottom half and in the teachers bed

Could be wrong but I'm pretty sure that is a contravention of the teacher-pupil relationship. As was this:

Poofy Pete, the PE teacher once 'helped' a guy in my class shower when he had hypothermia.

He had hypothermia because he was forced by Poofy Pete do cross country in the snow and sub-zero temps in January. However he didn't have a hoodie or trackie bottoms like everyone else - he only had a vest and shorts (which he intentionally took to get out of doing cross country). That plan backfired in more ways than one.

This is the very same teacher that used to cheat against my younger brother at table tennis because my brother could kick his ass at the age of 12. Embarrassing.

One time in standard grade physics, we were meant to be watching an educational video of some sort but the video player wouldn't work at all.

Half the teachers in the science department couldn't figure out why, all trying to use some smart-ass physics way of fixing it.

All they needed to do was check if someone had taken the batteries out of the remote. Which we had. Video didn't get watched that period.

Retards.

In science one time a boy thought it would be funny to blow some blue shit in a lassies eyes.She went blind for a couple of days, the boy needless to say got suspended.

Who was taking the class?

Don't know if Mrs Christie was still at mo academy when you were there... but in second year when asked if we had any questions, a guy called fat john asked her if she'd ever given anyone a blow job.

To her credit, she just gave a wry smile, winked like Anne Robinson and said "i'll tell you when you're older".

She had a moustache.

When I was in primary school (well, middle school as it was down in Englandshire), the biggest nutter in the school who was a couple of years older than me, saved up a massive shit and then locked himself in one of the cubicles in the boys toilets. He proceeded to start emptying his bowels.

However, mid turd he stood on the toilet and climbed into the adjacent cubicle (I'm guessing he momentarily contracted his sphincter and held it in for a bit, rather than literally mid turd). He then continued to shit in that toilet. He repeated this action for the final two cubicles, before standing on the final toilet seat and climbing out over the door.

Basically all 4 toilets were full of shit, not flushed, with the doors locked. It absolutely reeked. Took the janitor ages to get in, in fact, i think they had to break down a door eventually.