Project S.A.M.

I still can't believe what I saw when Darth Vader proper finally emerged. What should have been the most awe-ful and horrifyingly powerful moment of the film if not the entire series turned out to be awful, horrible and limp- The idea of having someone shout "Noooooooo!!!!" to express anguish and anger is pretty lame and moronic to begin with, and the way it was handled and the fact that it was DARTH VADER just made it laughable. I didn't even believe it was James Earl Jones doing the voice- he just sounded like someone doing an unconvincing impression of him. Apart from that (and all the other rubbish elements) it was pretty good. I'd watch it again. And it makes me want to watch episodes IV-VI again.

Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go To College - "Out of the bowl and totally out of control!" (The eponymous ghoulies have a tendency to emerge from toilets, you see...)

The 10 year old kid has a website The intro itself defies belief. I swear in one of his videos he actually does the sign.

Oh, you work at QML? Oops, I feel bad now. I'm a fucker.. No, wait, it's the students that are fuckers. I like the people on the third floor office. I'm sure there are some very nice people in QML. Maybe the problem is a lack of surveys...

In a manner of speaking. Although I think Dave would probably dispute the "should", as I think he wants any potential Proclaimers element to be kept to an absolute minimum. Anwyway, students, books- Christ, there's a lot of them. Sometimes I wish they'd just go away so I can continue aimlessly looking at the internet.

Well it certainly isn't intended to be mildly pleasant...

Yes, the photos from last week are just in. Here's one of the new Flash introducing the band: Last week a drunk tried to do the Chopping Block, only he did it round a chair and fell over. A thin line divides the chopping block and the Ghost Train. I swear that banjo makes a clattering noise.

Doing the jiff is the only way I can get my banjo to wail. Heck' date=' I can't see why anyone wouldn't do the jiff when the Sultans of Cripple play. Even St. Paul had to do the jiff no-handies when he caught sight of the Cripples... [img']http://history.wisc.edu/sommerville/367/367images/Paulhealing.JPG

Make sure you know all the new dance moves- you'd better be able to do the Hiss and the Cripple Stomp, but whatever you do, don't do the Rat! Sultans of Cripple fans know how to dance, but no one ever taught them how. No other band is brave enough to play tonight. We are playing so you don't have to listen to other music. Some of us might end up injured, or we might carry on indefinitely. Either way, someone is going to have to make a decision. This gig is at the Moorings? I heard Flash was just a baby who wets his pants. I heard that no one tough goes to the Moorings. This is just the internet. How are you going to prove otherwise?

http://www.ausa.org.uk/gaudie/archive/0304/web_freshers.pdf Found it. Page 9. Last time I ever made any contribution to that thing (gaudie) was in 2001. Unfortunately the article was deemed too offensive by an offical in a suit and was pulled at the last minute.

Eh? What is this? I don't remember ever writing anything about The X-Certs. Is this the thing that was in Gaudie a year or two ago? That wasn't me.

PELICAN CLUB? Now that IS fuckin' YAS: ace-ic, even. It's been years since there have been gigs at the Pelican (as far as I know). I recall losing a significant portion of a finger there, once. Grew back, though. The place smelt (in a good way?).

Probably ones which are not obscure and stipulative' date=' and not so obviously devoid of argumentative force.

PLEASE stop mentioning this. I don't want to come on here and inadvertently read about your bowels, your farts or Simple Minds ever again.

Yes, that's why old people and other groups with conditions which put them at risk of death from flu get vaccinated every year. "Other groups" including diabetics like myself. Plenty of them die from flu, due to their mongoloid pancreases. Is there a vaccine for this "bird flu"? Not to worry anyway, I'm probably tough enough to withstand it, despite my crippling blood-sugar disability. No fucking cold is going to kill me.

2-piece cat-skunks Bill Ely & The Catnips (soon to be supporting Detroit's Man Inc on the Scottish leg of his upcoming tour) are playing this Sunday 6th Feb at the Tunnels, alongside The Sultans of Cripple, a diseased and crippled frat-shack quartet featuring 3 members of King Liar & The Brutes + 1member of The Downroads. Things probably kicking off 9-ish. The Tunnels is on Carnegie's Brae, just down the underpass next to Marks & Spencers. The venue's still young and getting on its feet so get down there & help christen it...

Ah yes, I remember the pillaging that went on when the old Drakes closed down- bins, small pirates, drink price lists... I legitimately obtained some of the photos that were pinned to the bar, and a broken cymbal that once belonged to Cost of Status, of all people. But any loot I got was freely given by bona fide Drakes staff! Currently cursing the fact that I have to work tonight until ten. Hopefully it won't be packed to capacity by quarter past and I can get in. How about opening up the secret masonic tunnel under the balcony if the bar gets too busy? The open mics have been a long-running tradition in Drakes, and an appropriately inclusive way of signing off. Hopefully be there to drink Drake's Brew one last time in about 3 hours time.

Dire news. I'd heard whispers of this recently, and dismissed them as I always do- there have always been rumours about venues closing down, and they are almost always totally unfounded. But, this time it seems to be true. Santa isn't real after all. (Although the crypticly positive elements of the messages seem to suggest that we might somehow still be getting presents anyway?) Drakes bar was where I first cut my drinking and gig-going teeth all those years ago, back in 1998. 7 Years- yikes, that's about 30.4% of my life, which is a lotta memories. I met a lot of people and made a lot of friends thanks to Drakes. Drakes' success has to be, of course, credited to the staff. Every one of them, from Martin Bell, Sharon, Jimmy Troupe, Dave Dixon, Ziggy, Jim, Shawn, Nick Ca$ino (nee Seth) etc etc etc were great and a joy to be barfly to. (apart from two exceptions from the old Drakes- the old guy that Fabrizio only employed to annoy La Lombardas, and the jerk-off American guy that was mates with dancin' Del (double jack)). Yup, starting to feel sad now. Even though I probably hated most of the acts on there, it still feels like a gaping hole where a great little music and drinking haunt should be. It's just a fucking shame that a place that would always be willing to take a risk to put on something interesting and fun can't continue indefinitely. I'll miss it.