Project S.A.M.

Evidently. Steven Dedalus, you are Top of Your Game.

Hey I guess you guys are all really smart, knowing about how bad Christians are wrong and all. That's totally amazing, you guys gotta tell me more. I totally can't wait to find out.

I thought this thread was about fish and chips. I had fish and chips for tea tonight. Fine as fuck. cheers Sam

Ever heard of the phrase, "birds of a feather eat shit together"?

My opinion? Fucking bullshit.

What a bunch of bad idiots.

You bad idiot.

The guy replacing Paul looks suspiciously like Paul and John's offspring.

Hi there. Anyone here with a) a beard, b) some reasonable acting ability, and c) a day or two to spare over the next month or so? We're looking for someone to play the part of a beach-dwelling hermit in a short film that will be around 8-10mins in length. It will be shot in three locations: Balmedie beach, a local supermarket, and an office. It would most probably involve a day with a fairly early start at Balmedie beach (probably a Saturday), and then another day shooting some short scenes in a supermarket (yet to be confirmed as to which one) and in a local office (which is free at the weekends). Age requirments are fairly flexible, although we would want to avoid anyone too young. Say, anything from late twenties to a hundred would be workable within the confines of the script. Although it does require a dip into the water at the beach, so no-one with an impending heart-attack. Hopefully it'll be a warm day... Also, beard requirements are flexible. The part allows for someone with a trimmed beard- the hermit has a swiss army knife so he would have been able to trim his beard and hair. You don't need to be a trained or qualified actor, just someone who's maybe done a little acting before, and is confident of being able to do a convincing job. It's not too long, so there aren't all that many lines to remember. We've shot some rough-and-ready comedy-type stuff before (see columbo look-alike wanted thread in this forum), but this will be a step up from that stuff- a bit more serious and professional. This isn't a paying gig, of course, but you'll get fed and hopefully have some fun in the process. If it so happens there is anyone who fits the bill and is interested, reply here or send me a pm, or whatever.

Peter Dow certainly isn't getting any saner. It's really hard not to gawp when he tries to publicise himself in this way.

That is one heck of an expression.

It's amazing this is still going on. I'm glad. I remember as a teenager I'd read of some plan to relaunch the Amiga, but obviously nothing ever came of it. I used an Amiga right up until 2001- I had an A1200 motherboard set up in a tower with a 4mb Cybervision card, 25mhz 040 processor, either 8 or 16mb ram (can't quite remember), 200mb hard drive, 16x CD drive and a 33kbps modem. Pretty paltry even by 2001 standards, but it held its own for stuff like web browsing, image processing, 3d rendering and the like.

He wouldn't mix work with pleasure.

Hell, if we had the time and there was the demand for it, we'd love to. Any further episode would of course chart Bedshitter's development as a crime-fighting superhero, detailing exactly how being compelled to shit in beds translates into the capacity to trounce criminals. There are lots of ways, of course. A driveable bed would be a definite must for the drive-by shittings. Perhaps the manager of Bed Shed could play some kind of Lucius Fox type role, and come up with the goods in that department. Inevitably, Bedshitter's nemesis would have to come in the form of some kind of scat-fetishist. I'm just thinking out loud, here. Thanks.

Cheers. Some are put off by the scatological nature of the premise, but I'm glad to see that you (probably) recognise that shit is nature's primary (and ultimate!) joke. He was in the year below me. He's good. I almost broke his glasses with the blackjack, though. Cheers Biz. You're right, people should stop making so many bands and start shooting lots of videos. They're often more fun for everyone involved.

Columboat If anyone who had read this thread wants to see what it was about, enjoy these 3 minutes and 8 seconds of cgi-ed green-screen nonsense. Columboat, episode 1 In the end, I had to stand in as Columbo at the last minute. Don't shit your pants, it's just for fun.

Coapy babs indeed. I'm sorry to have to tell you that the Columbo role has been re-taken by the excellent Columbo look-alike and vocal mimic that we'd initially got to do it. It had seemed as though he wouldn't be able to do it which is why I though I'd ask here, but over the weekend the situation changed and now he definitely can. But thanks, and I've still got you earmarked for some other potential roles in things to be put together over the next few months. If you head over to Donside Video on blip.tv you can check out Bedshitter, which was shown at the Video Ultra thing. A heavily-cut 5 minute edit has just been posted, but a few posts back you can see the full-blooded 8 minute version, which includes the infamous Bed Shed scene. You'll see what I mean if you watch it. Also, Youtube presented me with this: YouTube - Johnny Cash - Sunday Mornin' Comin' Down (Columbo) It's two segments from a Columbo episode featuring Johnny Cash as a country singer who killed his evangelist wife.

Maybe I should have said, it wouldn't be a real gun. Some sailing experience would be great, but having said that it is a CGI boat. The Columboat, that is. Thanks Biz, Peter Falk's website is staggering. I'd already seen a page from it, but had assumed that it wasn't real, simply because of some of the stuff he appears to have written on it. Biz seems to be out in front in as far as eagerness goes, but it's not a competition. Actually, it is a competition. It's a competition to be the best Columbo. The prize is to be Columbo, in Columboat. To be filmed towards the end of the month, or there abouts. Biz, how's your accent?

I think this is the most responded to post I've ever made. I welcome you all aboard the Columboat. Looks like we have two front runners: DustyDeviada: A dirty mac is definitely a boon. Anything else to bring to the table? Biz: I get the gist of your message, but you lost me for a while with "my bolt, but nae smack". Care to elaborate? You could work as Columbo. Perhaps anyone keen could post a picture of themselves as Columbo. Or if you can't find a costume, just photshop your face onto a picture of Peter Falk. Or just post a picture of Peter Falk. If Peter Falk himself were to be reading this, that would be ideal.

Anyone here capable of pulling off a semi-compelling Columbo impression? You don't have to be the spitting image of Peter Falk, just look like someone people could at least accept (with the addition of perhaps fake eyebrows, a cigar and trenchcoat) as someone who was supposed to be Columbo. You'd have to say some cool lines in front of a green screen, and you'd get to shoot a gun. If anyone (Columbo fans in particular, but not essential) is interested and wants to know what I'm talking about, respond or PM or whatever. Thanks

Not too bad, about 30 people, six films. Pretty good reaction to everything shown. We'll definitely do something like it again, but maybe on a bigger scale with a bit more publicity, now we know that it can actually be done - i.e. the stuff shown looked good projected on to the screen in the Tunnels, and noise wasn't much of a problem. The whole thing went fairly smoothly, and quite a few people (strangers) commented that it would be good if that sort of thing happened more often. I don't know if Michael told you already, but there was a last-minute hitch with burning the DVDs- for some reason your one played back with the sound totally out of synch and the frame rate all over the place. I suspect it might have been something to do with the encoding used when it was grabbed from VHS, since the rest of them (all digitally originated) played back fine. But I don't know. It's probably something that can be easily rectified, but there wasn't time to sort it yesterday. There'll be a few things we'll be making in the near future, let me know if you're interested in playing some role. Could involve you being covered in slop, or stabbed, or something like that.

I went to Paris once. It was good. Didn't play any gigs there, though. Sorry.

Donside Video, a confederate of movie-dunces, are organising a screening of local short films. In order to pull this off, we require a supply of local short films on Sunday 21st January. We already have a few local contributors arranged, as well as a film-making gentleman from a non-local source: The newest York in America. We are looking for large-hearted and enjoyment-centred film-makers within our radioactive city to submit entertaining 5-10 minute narrative films for screening at this event. As long as you have a story, a camera, a heart and a brain, you can produce something that people can watch and enjoy. So why don't you? As professional or as amateur as you can manage, as long as it is watchable. It will be projected on to a screen in the Tunnels, in the bistro room on a Sunday evening. It might even be good. People might even enjoy it. All you have to do is respond to this thread, email or PM me, and I will communicate with you and give you whatever relevant information you want. Are you satisfied? Good. Why not quit making rubbish music, and start making rubbish films instead? I can't wait.

Ah well, I guess he at least popularised it to an extent. At any rate, most of Arnie's lines are going to have been scripted by someone else. Although I would like to believe the idea that Arnie just comes on to a film set and disregards a sensible script in favour of the sorts of amazing things he generally does say. I'm surprised nobody seems to have mentioned the sort of thing found on the following page of links: http://www.realmofdarkness.net/pranks/arnold-soundboards.htm Just put your phone to your computer speakers and away you go.

Surely one of Arnie's best catchphrases comes not from any of his films, but from the alledged incident in his trailer on the set of 1996's Eraser, in which two colleagues entered to discover the future Guv'nor with his tounge in the ladyflaps of a woman who was not his wife: "Eating is not cheating!"