'Student Drinks Report 2006'

[Paulscoconutass]

Just found this amongst all the shite I picked up in the freshers fayer. That's one of the most clever things I've seen in a long time... Touch

[Alkaline]

Just found this amongst all the shite I picked up in the freshers fayer. That's one of the most clever things I've seen in a long time... Touch.

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[Camie]

I thought it was quite funny too.

Im sure Flash will post it.

[Flash@TMB]

That was a bit of a rush job, I only typed it the night before and got it printed the morning of the Uni Fresher's Fayre!

Wasn't too sure whether it hit the mark or not, so nice to hear some positive feedback. This is what I was trying to get across:

A quality drink not only tastes better, but makes you feel better, hits you harder (that you'd expect from it's %ABV), and does less damage to your body.

Many (if not most substances) exhibit both psychoactive and toxic properties to vastly varying extents. For example psilocybin is highly psychoactive and of negligible toxicity (yes it can kill you but only very high doses), whereas thujone is mildly psychoactive and moderately toxic. Those are two well known albeit extreme examples, but there are many other lesser known and little understood substances present in everything we eat and drink. Alcohol appears to amplify both psychoactive and toxic effects.

Psychoactive properties can be grouped into that which helps facilitate a good time, and that which exerts a detrimental effect on one's mood. Any toxins just serve to exacerbate the hangover.

A common misconception is that diluting a batch of pure ethanol with some water, sugar, blue dye No. 2635, aspartmane, a bunch of chemical flavourings, CO2, plus numerous other artificial ingredients, will produce a drink every bit as powerful and pleasant as any other. This omits to consider that the human body did not encounter any aritifical ingredients (let alone blue dye No. 2635) during it's first umpteen thousand years of evolution, and therefore doesn't take too kindly to them. We respond much better to drinking stuff made from nothing other than fresh fruit and yeast.

But don't take my word for it, because this 'theory' is easily demonstrable.

Assuming the Sourz costs 50p, the vodka 70p, gun cola 25p, and a pint of Scrumpy 2.16 - which is the really the best value for money based on 12 units of alcohol?

32 shots of Sourz = 16 for 800ml

13 nips of cheapo house vodka served neat = 9.10 for 325ml

13 nips of cheapo house vodka served with cola dash = 12.35 for 1625ml

4 pints of Somerset Scrumpy = 8.64 for 2272ml

I think it's fair to assume that drinking 32 shots of Sourz would lead to spewing. Cheap vodka tastes like acetone, and although it doesn't usually do too much damage the high feels somewhat chemical and unpleasant. But 4 pints of nice scrumpy - well I rest my case goddamnit

Or if you don't like scrumpy then how about Polish cherry vodka (which is made with real cherries) and using real canned Coke? The required 12 nips and 2 cans of coke still works out less expensive than the Sourz!

The decent stuff also punches above it's weight, meaning you can get away with drinking less! In the above example the same level of euphoria can be extracted from 10 cherry vodkas. Or try drinking Weihenstephen. It's only labelled 5% ABV, but 3 pints blows your socks off. So while each pint may be expensive, it's still possible to wipe oneself out for well under 10... and surely that's a better option than drinking foosty nameless lager for 1 per pint. Less fattening too I'd imagine!

Many places offering "Cheap Drinks" either use other ruses such as a high admission charge, or tend to be full of pissed up arseholes. Personally I'd rather be somewhere that I feel comfortable, drinking something nice, and with my unspent admission fee earmarked for the kebab/taxi.

That was the jist of it.

[Alkaline]

The above makes perfect sense. Good call.

[HateEvent]

I read this too and it's so true!

I'll need to try tempt all my silly friends away from the shitehole places with their 'dealz' now.

[KarmaTsunami]

I thought it was brilliant! And huzzah to the 25% Freshers Coupon! 5 shots of Jager and 2 bottles of Moosehead for under a tenner!?!?! It was madness!!