berti

the fact that all channels have their adverts synchronised, the amount of time i flick over from Dave's monumental stack of adverts to music channels and every one of the basterding things is on adverts also....cocks

it makes me stabby.....

my girlfriend doesnt have many hobbies, i believe suggesting practice on this is definately going to benefit both of us....

sadly if my bird looked as hot/dirty as the one in the picture i wouldnt care if her breath smelt of melted caterpillars. your onto something though, maybe i should have a standby onion on the bedside table in case i need to rebuff her cuddling urges in the morning 'bllaaahhhh' as she rolls over *ack, chomps onion* 'BLAAAHHHHH back to you bitch!' everyones a winner....well, i am and thats all that matters

morning breath. i hate mornings and that coupled with the dying walrus smell of by g/f's morning breath as she cuddles into me is unbearable. I smacked my head of the bedside table trying to wriggle away from it this morning, bad times. Which probably explains why im such a massive unbearable cunt every minute of every day

jesus titty fucking christ thats almost unbelievable. is les my guinea pig at peace, really?! next someone will be asking if their cat Bruce is still a bit pissed because they put cling film over the cat flat when they were fucked up......definately worth it by the way, funny as fucking hell

can spend hours watching this......

yep, just off the top of my head for example ; eva longoria rubbing peanut butter on her snatch

probably no point even if there was, if they ever found them they would probably sue because a bit of glass flew off the windscreen and cut their finger, hence rendering them incapable of thieving handbags and panning old wifys faces in for their pension money, or as the lawyers would put it ....'loss of earnings'

i wouldnt have a problem if it was just a terrier sucking a tit, its everything else that bugs my happiness. If it was just a crazy singleton who was in her flat with fluffy the little spaniel getting her to eat and drink all manner of bodily excretions then i would be cracking up!

yet another example of these fucking minks that cant do anything so they choose to substitute having a proper existence by breeding and sponging off the country. you were pregnant after one month? what the fucking hell is wrong with you, besides the obvious of letting a dog suck your tits. that is what is fucking wrong with the country, people who actually get in relationships and wait until they are ready to properly support a child are completely outnumbered by these fucking ass clowns who just pop them out left right and centre and then cannot give them a decent upbringing, either financially or emotionally, and end up relying on everyone else to give them handouts. if, as she quotes ' money was tight' after her partner left her, surely any reasonable human being would do anything in their power to stop themselves having another fucking kid?! no, of course not, because she obviously eats crayons and has the mental capacity of a dried apricot. fucking cunt, i hope the dog bites her tit off

is eljos any good? i always been put off because it has been dead some weekends i went past but also because its only 2 minutes from my flat. And for some reason i seem to convince myself that a restaurant cannot be both convenient and tasty. Besides, i wont be going back to la tasca again any time soon, and interested in trying somewhere different. What annoyed me about la tasca was that everything is so obviously frozen and shipped in to be cooked in either a microwave or a fryer.

that thing is a load of pap, 20 quid for 'something you regret' . so, going by that, if i put cheese on my tuna sandwich and then think 'ack, wish i hadnt done that' that is the same as fucking someone in public? fucking facebook cunts.....

probably the same way we turn when we are sleeping to stop blood circulation cutting off. well....sometimes. my arm had a total spaz attack the other night and i punched my girlfriend in the puss. after apologising, i did have to have a little snigger to myself whilst trying not to shake the bed in doing so.

i second that, i used to work in justice mill and i wouldnt trust anything judging by the type of muppets that worked in the kitchen....ie.me, and also guys with criminal records, complete pill heads. only consolation is that barely anything is genuinely 'cooked' in that place, its actually unbelievable how much stuff comes in frozen. incidentally, la tasca was pretty turd tonight. but it was hoaching, not a seat left by the time we had had our food so that might have something to do with it. the missus also had greasy lip stains on her glass. just glad i wasnt paying full price

off to la tasca tonight because of a 50% voucher, things always taste better cheaper this means i can eat twice as much yes?

i have to disagree with all the Hass lovers out there. I was well looking forward to fish and chips last weekend but while the chips were very tasty, the fish had been left in the fryer too long and was overcooked and pretty crap. On the other side of the coin, dolphin on chapel street or wherever all the takeaways are up there is fucking epic. By far the best chips for post 3am drunken stagger home. I had some last weekend and i kept reiterating how awesome they were every 3 chips to my mate.

i spilled satay sauce from Eagle May on my floor the other day, it now looks like a dog has dragged itself across my carpet in that charming way they do when the wormies inside want out and make their chocolate starfish itch like caaarazy.

The other week we had an email sent out to the entire workforce warning us of......wait for it.....thawing snow falling from the roof. I almost didnt come to work out of sheer terror of being pummelled with a light fluffy cloud of snow on my otherwise uneventful walk to the locker room. I am almost tempted to drop a biscuit in a random corridor to see if anyone just simply picks it up and cleans it or whether some temporary barriers and warning lights will be set up to form a precautionary perimeter around the potentially lethal biscuit. After all, it could be terrorists.........

You can always rely on scousers to take a relevant philosophical debate on the latest current issues...... Bumfun With Natalie Sawyer or Georgie Thompson? - The Liverpool Way some of the comments are just epic too

so does anyone know conclusivly that this kid actually killed himself? there are loads of conspiracies online that he did, including a quite wonderful rumour that he ' put a pencil up each nostril and slammed his face into a table, sending them into his brain' which is quite obviously a load of arse but i find wonderfully gruesome. i can only find one actual newspaper article and it is stating he is alive and well.......bugger.....

my missus had the 3 discs at a time package, no idea how much it was costing her, but at first it was quite good and was happy enough. however, for the last couple of months, it seemed every batch of discs we got were scratched so badly we couldnt play them. Plus one went missing in the post and you have to go through a long drawn out process to fill out forms etc just to prove you didnt just rob it. So needless to say we told them to go poke it, fuck paying however much a month for some discs we cant watch. So me experience was pretty poor and i wouldnt recommend them anymore!

i second the distaste at Blackfriars, went a couple months ago and my lasagne was actually pretty much a dish of 75% melted cheese and a wee scrotey bit of bolognaise. Epically disappointed because it looks like as you say, an old school pub that would know how to cook food properly. Needless to say have not been back, maybe the chef was off that day but i would love to hear if anyone actually had any good experiences there!

people who order a hot drink in subway. one of the many things i love about subway is its effeciency but that is completely negated by some inconsiderate shit box who thinks ' oh you know what will go spiffing with this sandwich, a scalding hot coffee' i want my sandwich now you arse, now i have to wait for you to get your coffee, delaying my lunch further. now kindly get yourself to fuck before i pour said scalding hot drink down your trousers. cock

yes, that is probably where my problem with her lies. shes all ass, and a bad face......