Murrr

That and the fact that he looks like a man with a two-packs-a-day smoking habit who lives in a motorway underpass and needs a good shower.

I still can't believe that Kanu is only 24.

Jordan Henderson is pretty fuckin' excellent these days, in fairness.

I find myself jealous of Hull City's acquisitions during this transfer window, which is an odd feeling to say the least. I think that Abel Hernandez is very over-rated and flatters to deceive, but Ben Arfa, Ramirez and Diame should be excellent signings if given game time. Snodgrass is a known quantity at this level, Robertson is promising... good window for Steve Bruce. We have weakened significantly and I expect us to struggle as a result. We've lost our best player (Ben Arfa) and long-term Coloccini-replacement (Yanga-Mbiwa), and have somehow managed to sign a boatload of players without addressing the squad's biggest weaknesses (CB, ST). So we're left with three senior CBs and no centre forwards of any real quality, plus diddies like Steven Taylor, Gabriel Obertan and Paul Dummett are still around. Long season ahead.

Another disgraceful transfer window for Newcastle United. See you in January for some more shite, Jim White.

No idea why I posted that Stoke thing in the fantasy thread. What a dipshit. Anyway, I'm giving serious consideration to using my wildcard already. My defence is seriously whack. One didn't start, one didn't play at all, and the other two conceded three goals this week. Great.

It's transfer deadline day! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS...

Are we posting beasting verses? Because I'm all over that. AZ's on Life's a Bitch is pretty tough to top, imo:-

Mentioning Nicky Butt around me makes you suitable for extermination. Fuck Nicky Butt.

In other news, JACK COLBACK is in the England squad. In OTHER OTHER news: Alan Pardew has called him "the ginger Pirlo." Great day.

Camie -- The European Football Show on BT Sport. It's absolutely fantastic. They show highlights from most of the continents big leagues, James Richardson (!!!) hosts, and the punditry (from the likes of James Horcastle and Rafael Honigstein) is always top notch. Great show.

I enjoy German football. Not as much as I enjoy Italian football, but there are so many fascinating German clubs with great stories, particularly during the period between World War II and the Cold War. I'm partial to Hertha BSC and Union Berlin, because Berlin is my favourite place on the planet. Hertha are a bit vanilla, history-wise, compared to Union though. You guys should definitely read-up on their history: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Union_Berlin. Berlin is such a complicated, fascinating place and I think that Union and their struggles with the Stasi-sponsored Dynamo Berlin encapsulate the city well. They also have a strong left-wing fan culture -- like a far less kitschy St. Pauli -- though they're pretty naff, and tend to hover around the 2. Bundesliga's upper-mid table region. For the sake of not being an obscure bastard, I also like Dortmund, because Klopp.

The most jarring thing about that Scotland squad is the group of defenders. Christophe Berra (Ipswich Town), Craig Forsyth (Derby County), Gordon Greer (Brighton and Hove Albion), Grant Hanley (Blackburn Rovers), Alan Hutton (Aston Villa), Russell Martin (Norwich City), Andrew Robertson (Hull City), Steven Whittaker (Norwich City) Really bloody depressing, that.

I think that Liverpool signing Balotelli will have no bearing on their league position whatsoever. I just don't see the point in shoe-horning a player who, like Eupraxia says, "plays on his own terms" and has been accused of sleepwalking through games into a squad so reliant on sharp bursts of collective energy. Very talented, but definitely not a guy you want to have to rely on. There's lots of chat about how Rodgers is going to turn his career around, etc. Well, Milan and City thought they'd be able to do that as well. He will provide flashes of brilliance but I'm confident that this will only result in further reasons to laugh at Liverpool, which I'm totally fine with.

We looked disappointingly competent yesterday. City were able to defeat us without slipping out of second gear, but whatever. 0-2 is about what we expect. High points were Colback, who's still a cunt but actually looked solid, and Ayoze Perez who looked like he didn't give a shit that we was playing against the champions. Thumbs down to Riviere, who looks like a total dafty.

This is how we win today: food poisoning hits the squad at the last minute. Ben Arfa, having not been invited to lunch, is spared and has to lead a motley crew of youth teamers to an unlikely victory, bagging a hatrick with a crimson Pardew screaming at him to track back the entire time. Pardew grabs him by the collar as he comes off the pitch, but Shearer runs from the back and clocks Pards with a chair. Metal remix of Local Hero reverberates around the stadium.

Great stuff, Man United. More of that please.

I completely disagree that it was between than Expendables 2, which was the most incredible love letter to 1980's action films that I've ever seen. I love literally every second of that film. You're obviously quite a few years younger than me though, so I can understand why you'd prefer the third.

I'm more of a MANAGERIAL MERRY-GO-ROUND kinda guy, personally.

Stone Cold E.T.

Moyes just needs to put out a hit on Alan Pardew and take the Noocassul job. Perfect for him on so many levels.

If you want to go down the Micro Terror route, I have the amp and cab in mint condition that I'm looking to shift. It's still pretty bloody loud though.

Expendables 3. Fuckin'... 10/10, just for Stallone's closing line in the last fight scene. I love this trilogy.

Weeeeeeeeee, that was shite. The absolute definition of a "European hangover" performance from Aberdeen. Started okay, but it became clear quite quickly that the players couldn't maintain any kind of pressure at all. By the end they were letting men run with the ball, not moving towards the ball, giving United loads of space: really basic stuff. Taylor looked awful, poor lad. Very solid in the air, but he was culpable for the first and I believe that it was his lack of closing down that led to the third. Goodwillie looked completely gutless in the first half and all. Shout-outs to Willie Collum. What a plum.