Murrr

I would be very satisfied with Steve Clarke but I heard that he was favourite for the Leeds job. Could be wrong. Sherwood is a plum and I'm not entirely convinced that he's shown many positive traits as a manager. Still, he appears to be a functioning human, which puts him above Pardew. Pulis' name will be mentioned but he's just left Palace following some chairman fuckery: no chance he'd want to work under Ashley. I wonder what Joe Kinnear's up to these days?

Tell me about it. So many things about Ashley's Newcastle are incredible un-football. For a start there's the fact that we make a pretty large profit every year, and the club pretty much acknowledging that the goal is to finish 10th every season and bow-out of the cup competitions early (yes, really). Then there's this. Ashley is so cheap. All you have to do to punt the guy is pay him a million smackers, but he's trying to hold-out for Pardew's resignation. Why would Pardew resign?! He's already shown that he's willing to put-up with the abuse, and he lacks the humility to admit he's not cut-out for this job. He has messed-up colossally at Newcastle and will never get another club job this big, and oh yeah, he'd be throwing his compensation away. Stupid, stupid Newcastle. Hopefully this is resolved soon, and we can get a more capable individual through the door. Moyes would be incredible, but it'll probably be John Carver.

Graeme Bailey @GraemeBailey 17m The fact Alan Pardew won't quit means he is set to be in charge of Newcastle this weekend - Mike Ashley hoping he will resign. Graeme Bailey @GraemeBailey 16m Ashley was up for sacking him all last week, but he thought Pardew would quit - very much a stand-off at the moment. From a reporter very close to the regime, who was bang-on the money re: NUFC stories all summer. Pretty encouraging, though, like always, I take it with a huge pinch of salt. I get the feeling that the prick is finally on the ropes, and he's only one big KO punch away from being finished. Knowing our luck, however, he'll fluke a win on Saturday, and the agony will continue. IS IT FINALLY REACHING AN END?!

I actually quite like the look of United's defence on-paper. Am I being stupid? A back four of Rafael, Smalling, Blackett and Rojo seems pretty tidy.

We were so bloody bad yesterday, it was poetic. Fun little shitstorm as we suffer a humiliating defeat, assistant manager John Carvers gets caught calling some fans "fucking cunts" on-camera, and Pardew refuses to attend the post-match presser. Hull at home on Saturday is going to be an absolute powderkeg. I'm pretty tempted to go down for it. Remember the Cardiff game towards the end of last season, where half the fans walked-out and Pardew was unable to get off his seat without getting booed? It's going to be like that but much, much worse. I'm amazed that the dickhead actually has the stomach to handle all the abuse he's getting. Saturday is going to be incredibly unpleasant for him, though I have little faith in Ashley to actually pull the trigger, even if we're soundly beaten.

Quite a few reports doing the rounds about Pardew now. The common point seems to be that he'll be binned with a heavy defeat at Southampton this weekend. I don't believe it for a second, but I really hope that we take an absolutely tonking. The thought of winning this game makes me sick.

Yeah, macronutrients are your carbs, fats and proteins. As a guide, I try to aim for 70-80g fat a day, 50-100g carbs, and 100-150g protein. Honestly, the fewer carbs you consume on your "diet days," the better. There are days when I consume as little as 5-10g. On your refeed day, try to hit about 200-250g carbs, maintain your protein intake, but lower your fat intake. If you're having a free meal, my take is to have fun but don't go over-the-top. Generally, you want to avoid all sugars when adhering to a paleo diet. Weight loss is all about hormone control. For males, insulin is the key hormone. Carbohydrates spike your insulin level, which causes fat to accumulate. When your insulin levels are lowered, you don't accumulate fat you burn it. In short: carbs drive insulin, insulin drives fat-loss. Sugar is particularly quick to digest and has a very pronounced affect on your insulin level, which makes it such a brutal thing to consume (if you're trying to get lean). Without carbohydrates, fat is burned rather than stored. Your body turns to it as fuel in the absence of quick-digesting carbs, so you lose weight. Proteins are the body's building blocks, and aid in muscle recovery and growth. Back to sugars: natural sources like fruit are undoubtedly better for you than artificial sources, but only consume them in moderation. I certainly wouldn't eat more than one or two portions of fruit a day. Low-sugar fruits like berries are probably your best bet. Fruits are obviously packed with loads of beneficial vitamins and minerals, but definitely exercise moderation and caution. Absolutely avoid fruit juice, though. The stuff is weight-loss kryptonite because its packed full of fructose, which does awful things to your digestive system. Here's a really good pyramid thing:- The idea is to consume more of the foods at the bottom and less of the foods at the top. You may feel a bit groggy after a few days of following such a plan. That's perfectly natural, and is your body adapting to using stored fat for fuel rather than carbohydrates. The feeling will pass before long, and you'll feel like Conan afterwards. Maintaining mid/high fat intake is absolutely vital for cognitive function: I get most of mine from meat, butter and avocados. I hope that's useful. This is kind of a passion of mine, and I could type hundreds and hundreds of words about it, so feel free to hit me with any Qs, any time. Ultimately, I am an advocate of finding a system that works for yourself. This may or may not be it, but dabbling in it will definitely provide you with some knowledge that'll serve you well in the future.

Cheers! Definitely a rugby player 18st. A lot of people are pretty shocked when I say that's how heavy I was, because I'm pretty broad-shouldered and my body "carried" the weight well, but I had a lot of fat packed-in there. Stubborn, rock-solid fat as well: not just soft pudge. 'Mare. Regarding meals, there are quite a few really good paleo recipe blogs out there. If you Google 'em, the top few results have served me well over the past year or so. I also have a cookbook called "Primal Cravings: Your favourite food, made Paleo," which is decent. To be honest though, I'm pretty lazy: I tend to just cook some seasoned chicken/pork/turkey (sometimes with a sauce) and two portions of veg. I'll add an egg or two if I'm feeling frisky. Pretty simplistic, but I bloody love meat.

Let me get to that post when I'm at home and able to use a web browser that allows such revolutionary functions as copying/pasting and inserting hyperlinks and images. Die, Internet Explorer, die.

Cutting alcohol wasn't a massive problem for me, as I'm nowhere near as big a drinker as I was a few years ago. Where possible, I'd recommend drinking only on your reefed/free meal days, so you're getting all of your indulgences out of the way without spreading them out too much. I only really have a couple of boozy nights a month, and I don't drink during the week. The only conscious changes I made were to go for lower-carb beers (ales are yer best shout, generally) and to omit mixers when drinking spirits: fizzy drinks (even "diet" options) and fruit juice can murder your weight loss attempts. Obviously the more you drink, the more your efforts will be hampered, but I definitely think it's possible to maintain a steady weight-loss routine without excessively culling your alcohol intake. And yeah, motivation is an absolute bastard. I tried for years to shift weight, and it just didn't work. I'd go through spurts of attempting to live a healthier lifestyle, but ultimately I'd relapse and end-up gaining weight. It didn't really "click" until Spring last year. Results are a pretty powerful motivator. Once you've been doing things "correctly," for a few weeks and the lbs start slipping away, it's pretty rewarding. A few things that worked for my motivation:- 1. Measuring weight in pounds, rather than kilograms or stone. These are a higher unit of measurement. A pound is .45 kilos. So if you lose 10lbs in one month, that's 4.5kgs. It's obviously just a psychological thing, as you've still lost the exact same amount of weight, saying you've lost the bigger figure just feels better. 2. Don't weigh yourself too regularly. Your body weight can fluctuate by a few lbs throughout the day, depending on what you've eaten/drank, etc. You could theoretically weigh yourself at 9am one morning, then weigh yourself again at 5pm the following day and be 3-4lbs heavier. You're not actually heavier: this is almost always water weight. Nonetheless, these temporary weight increases will destroy your morale. 3. When you weigh yourself, do it on the same day at roughly the same time wherever possible. I weight myself once every two weeks after waking-up on a Saturday morning. This will give a truer reflection of your actual weight loss, as your body will be in a similar state every time you weigh yourself. 4. Don't count calories. Most of the science behind caloric intake is complete and utter toot and has been disproven (though I can't pull-up references at the moment). This is a completely joyless way of "dieting," and there's a good chance that it just won't work. For perspective, I've lost weight on 3,500 calorie diet and a 1,000 calorie diet, with minimal activity at times. It's junk science. Count macronutrients. 5. Be kind to yourself. If you cock-up and have a pizza on one of your diet days, don't get frustrated: eat the thing and move-on. I found that when I punished myself to lapsing, I just made myself more and more frustrated, ultimately leading to more lapses. The goal is to be disciplined, yes: but living like a monk is unenjoyably. I'd recommend the MyFitnessPal app if you want to try and track yer macros. It's a fantastic way of logging what you're taking in, and it even has a barcode scanner, so you can directly import your food's data onto your phone. Using it will teach you loads about the nutritional value of loads of different foods, to the point where you won't even need the app after a few months. tl;dr, but that's my take. Again, I can't say that my way is "THE BEST EVER," but these are things that have worked for me.

This is so important. Without a treat here and there, watching what you eat can be a turgid, soul-destroying experience, and I believe that you are far more likely to fail if you don't allow yourself a few indulgences here and there. I lost over 4st over a period of about 12 months by following a paleo diet (low carb, high protein, moderate/high fats). My strictness varied greatly: at the start, my only "treats" would be a portion of rice or potatoes here and there. After a couple of months, I realised that I couldn't really sustain such strictness for much longer, so I allowed myself one "free meal" and one refeed day each week. I'd have the free meal on a Wednesday:typically I'd get a curry, pizza, or go out for dinner. My refeed day was a Saturday: I'd try to take in about 200g of carbohydrates (brown rice, sweet potatoes, etc.) while maintaining a high protein intake. I was 18.5st when I started, and I'm 14st now (I've been at this weight for about six months). At the moment I find that I'm able to eat just about anything that I want without gaining weight (my activity level is very high: an 8-mile walk to/from work Mon-Fri, 2-4 games of football a week, a couple of 10-20 mile hikes each month). However, I still have some deposits of fat that I want to shed, so I restarted my plan last week. Ultimately there are a number of different approaches that will help you lose weight. This is just what worked for me, but Chris' post is absolutely bang-on as well. I can legitimately say that paleo has changed my life, though. I feel far more energised and full of life after cutting-out unnecessary carbs, and it's not like I eat like a pauper. Today, for example, I had a big mug of the infamous BUTTER COFFEE for breakfast, a spinach and chicken salad for lunch, a protein shake after walking home from work, and I've just finished a plate of pork chops, broccoli and green beans for dinner. I feel fantastic, and absolutely stuffed. I'm going to structure my refeeds/free meals on Thursdays and Sundays: that way I'm never any longer than a couple of days away from a "treat."

Gabriel Obertan. All yer other weird head arguments are invalid.

Debuchy is the Shane to Giroud's Ronan and Ramsey's Stephen. Rugged drug addict chic.

I ken nae bugger really cares, but if you want to understand why I'm such a miserable git in this thread, you should really check this website out: http://sackpardew.com. A great effort to collate all his bullshit into one place. Bravo.

i really, really wanted to love the previous three Earth albums. Everything I'd read about them made me think "yes, I will definitely love these records," but I found them brutally dull. This, on the other hand, is totally fucking Mexico. Up there with Earth 2, imo. GREAT RECORD GUYS WELL DONE.

When my plans for this evening fell through, I decided to stick Football Manager on for the first time in a while. Six hours later and I've just signed Antonio Cassano for Yeovil Town.

Taking it back a few pages, but that's Diego Costa: aged 17. Aged 18:- What is wrong with this freak?

The only alternative to penalties that I'll ever accept is a Royal Rumble.

I find penalties to be one the most engaging tests of human character and nerve in the game. Besides, without them, we'd have missed-out on the joy of John Terry falling on his arse in a Champions League final.

Totally agree with 'Droid. It's a rule that, in this day and age, only adds pointless overcomplication to the game. Get rid.

Siem De Jong is apparently going to miss the next four months. The noose is tightening.

Stalked Camie at the wrestling at the Beach Leisure Centre on Saturday night. I was pretty close to going over and dishing out a Chokeslam, but I thought that'd be a bit harsh and decided better of it.

It'll be one of John Carver, Peter Beardsley and David O'Leary. Quote me.

It would be, but so many of these articles have appeared over the past season or so that I've learned not to put any stock into them. It could be true, of course, but it just smacks of an Ashley PR move: appease the fans with a non-story following what was a pretty disastrous transfer window. If he gets fired, though, I'll be drunk for a month. It'll be the greatest of days.