JaseyBoi

About 2 years ago we took my daughter to tobermory in mull (its where balamory is filmed) and we stayed in josie jumps room and everything...My daughter loved it....Well a few months later a girl who looked identical to josie jump got on the number2 into toon...My daughter jumped up and started shouting her name but obviously it wasnt her.... A few days later i was telling this girl at my work this this story...Half way throught the story more females joined us and i continued with my story...I used the world coloured to discribe the josie jump lookylikey and all hell broke lose.....I am not racist one bit and believe every human has the right to live on earth....I was dragged into the managers office (he didnt make a big deal of it) he simply said that using the phrase "coloured" just isnt acceptable these days and from now on if describing i have to say black.....Well borked me side ways my ignorance holds no limit....Up untill that point i honestly didnt realise that using the word "coloured" was such a big NONO....Ive learnt my lesson now and have been educated that little bit more regarding whats right and wrong.... Anywho im not alone in my ignorance thats for sure....Its not racist/racism to be badly educated regarding other races..... Ive asked this question before but here goes Is calling a chinese person a chinky racism/derogatory??? Is calling a pakistan a paki racism/derogatory????? Is calling a scottish person a scot/scotch racism/derogatory???? Of course i know the answer lol it depends on how you say it aparently but tbh that makes no sense to me... Other than that i tend to stay out of any debates regarding peoples religion/creed/whatever

I found that joke moderately offensive and more suited to a smoked filled working man's club in the 1970's. ;) Ok i'm done lol How comes the saying money doesnt grow on trees became so popular when infact money is made from paper,Paper is made from wood and wood comes from trees......So yeah money does grow on trees doesnt it?. Now Ive read that back maybe money doesnt GROW on trees but money comes from trees....So yeah erm aye

OoOh Bob Your Edgy Watched 3.1 seconds of it all i heard was blah blah so i turned it off...... /MODE ignorance activated. Thats all i have to say about that.

I cant bloody wait...What a line up there is tonight like. Main card Catchweight (195 lb) bout: Rich Franklin vs. Wanderlei Silva Heavyweight bout: Cheick Kongo vs. Cain Velasquez Heavyweight bout: Mirko "Cro Cop" Filipovic vs. Mostapha Al-turk Welterweight bout: Mike Swick vs. Ben Saunders Lightweight bout: Spencer Fisher vs. Caol Uno Welterweight bout: Marcus Davis vs. Dan Hardy Preliminary card Lightweight bout: Terry Etim vs. Justin Buchholz Lightweight bout: Dennis Siver vs. Dale Hartt Welterweight bout: Paul Taylor vs. Peter Sobotta Lightweight bout: Paul Kelly vs. Rolando Delgado Heavyweight bout: Denis Stojnic vs. Stefan Struve Welterweight bout: John Hathaway vs. Rick Story Even thought setanta has gone tits up dana white assures the fans that it will be screened tonight as normal.... Lets get it on.

Talk Talk A few months back my connection dropped and couldnt work out why.I phoned talktalk and i probably talktalked to atleast 15 departments before i was eventually put through toi this right english spoken posh lady...There seemed to be a party or something going on in the back ground whilst we spoke so i asked her to turn her stereo down...(to much to ask you htink?)...She replied "Excuse me mister?" i said i can hardly hear you is that a stereo on in the background,she replied "yeah one of the girls is leaving today" i said well i can hardly hear you can you turn down the music or put me through to another deptatment She replied "GET A LIFE YOU DICK" (seems she musta known me) and put the phone down on me... I phoned the talktalk customer services number and again talktalked to about 15 bloody people so in the end i fucking hung up lol TalkTalk min where they get a background report on there customers then insult them with it

I decided to look up my family tree today....Wish i fucking didnt now....A bloody bird shat in my face......

Two old ladys sitting in a cafe.One says to the other "did you come on the bus,Yes says the second lady but i made it look like an asthma attack.

"The Egg came first". The chicken was not around when the Coelacanth was swimming earth's great ocean. quod erat demonstrandum, as I have just demonstrated using a prehistoric timeline as my greatest factual aid. ......" Why do kamakazzee pilots wear seat belts and crash helmets?. (thats an olde one) At a movie theater which arm rest is yours? And my final serious wtf is, How far east can you go before you're heading west?

so did i ...i heard it 3 days ago but refrained from telling it in here.........Then i thought fuck it i cant be the only sicko

What do you get if you cross the atlantic with a french air bus? About half way.

A man sitting in the bar found that the front of his trousers was all wet. Turning to the man on his right he asked, "Did you pour beer on my trousers?" "Nope," came the reply. Then, turning to the man on his left, he asked, "Did you pour beer on my trousers?" The man also replied, "Nope." "Then it must be an inside job," he murmured.

It was indeed a terrible joke lol. But it was a joke. How about this one? A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath. "Mom", he asked, "Are these my brains?" "Not yet", she replied. or PATIENT: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum." DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that.

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde drivers license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. What does it look like? she finally asked. The policewoman replied, Its square and it has your picture on it. The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. Here it is, she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, OK, you can go. I didnt realize you were a cop.

I still laugh out loud at some of these.

A few years back my dad died suddenly and took the whole family by suprise,he was 46 years old.My dads mum (my nana) was absolutly grief stricken at losing her son as we all were...My nana was always a hard women she was brought up in the gorbals in glasgow and worked her whole life...Anywho nion exactla year after my dad died my nana announced that she had seen my dad the night before.(if you knew my nana you would know this isn't something she would say)...my mum and i looked at each other but didnt say anything....She continued by saying he came home sat down and asked her for a cuppa..Told her everything was going to be ok and shit....After we drank our own tea we made sure nana was ok and we left.....We recieved a phone call 2 hours later to say she had died in her arm chair.... No idea what this means but after i sat and thought about it i find it spooky as fuck. My papa died on may the 3rd 8years later My dad died on may the 4th 1 Year later My nana died on may the 2nd I fucking hate may lol... i live my live now with an eleven month calander,That way i cant possible die in may.....Right?. Last bit isnt really a ghost story i just find it spooky shit.

Bronson. Didnt think i would like it ended up thinking it was pretty good.

Friday night me and a few neighbours had our kids out playing kerby and kick the can untill near 10pm...Saturday we spent it down the beach sunbathing and eating a picnic.......Today i got up early cut my front and back grass and had a bbq out the back with the family and the inlaws over.......All in all its been a really nice weekend... Plus i havent had to put a house light on for like 4 days

Diversity on the night were bloody goood... And yeah i meant 400 thousand lol

Why did i feel the need to check out all there crotch areas......HAS that image made me gay......... In your face public decency. And on an after look guy number 3 is defo heamoraging ...

I read today he recently bought his 3rd rolls royce at a cost of 4000,000 lol so yeah im presuming he doesnt have to return his Gingy bottles. I cant say im a fan of simon cowel or anything but i just watched a little 10yr old girl sing like this The Final: Hollie Steel - Britain's Got Talent - Video its a bit shaky to start with but oh ma heed she is pretty damn good ..Especially since she is only 10.

If stripey made slides,They would probably be the most Painful slides in the worls

A tad long winded but it made me giggle (Sorry if it offends anyone ) I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a Packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant Behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me The package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, 'No, this is my first time.' So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still Looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty. 'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my Hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' she asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do w as nod my head. She then Said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped Her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well, come on', she Said, 'We don't have much time.' So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no Longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few minutes. She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on?' she Asked. I said, 'I sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her. She fainted..

Ahh now ive got you...Jokes regarding wife/women beatings you find Tolerable to the extent where you will quote and regard as funny.....But jokes regarding a stereotype you dont?......Ok atleast i now know eh.