Guest Craig Posted January 25, 2004 Report Share Posted January 25, 2004 He's been attacking starfall throughout the entire thread...they still see the humour in it. It's only a guy posting on a message board. Get over it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Craig Posted January 25, 2004 Report Share Posted January 25, 2004 he's mentioned a few different bands/people along the way in this thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Zombie Re-Munched Posted January 25, 2004 Report Share Posted January 25, 2004 STOP THE PRESSES!!!! HOOKERS GREEN IN "BOO HOO HOO, ZOMBIE MAKES JOKES ABOUT US" SCANDAL!!!Crybaby wannabe-Bohemian and ironic Boy Scout-uniform-wearing member of Hookers Green "j. Turgenev" spoke out against the evil Zombie Munch's lack of sense of humour and inability to construct surreal similies, which only he and his small group of friends find remotely funny.j. Turgenev weeping like an emo king, or a sack of bleeding eyes, or whatever he might say to make his mates laughEndlessly recycling his similes about muscles and guts, j. Turgenev appeared to call Zombie Munch "a horrible sack of old guts and rotten biceps" before giving the obligatory Boy Scout "Dib dib" sign which Benny Hill lampooned at the height of his career and storming off in a Bohemian rage to probably go calm himself down with a bottle of red wine and a roll-up cigarette.Hookers Green's brass section fighting for the Costa Rican wine industry at Benefit gig(above)Hookers Green defiantly played their Benefit for the Costa Rican wine industry amidst rumours that Turgenev was going to burn his Boy Scout shirt in a fit of anger at the climax of their song "Robot Love In Your Cold Hard Gutmuscle" but didn't, and just used the burning match he had in his hand to light a roll-up cigarette instead.Zombie Munch was unavailable for comment but issued a statement saying that -"I hope one, or at least three days, that Tony Robinson and his Time Team managed to find a sense of humour in any jokes or gags i write. I also hope that one day i will be as funny as j. Turgenev or any other member of Hookers Green in that i will be so pantwettingly hilarious that i shall be able to repeat and recycle the same tired old similes time and time again in a cheap bid to make my small group of mates laugh and make everyone who doesn't understand them appear stupid and confused". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Zombie Re-Munched Posted January 25, 2004 Report Share Posted January 25, 2004 HOOKERS GREEN MEMBER IN "YOU BASTARD MUNCH!" SHOCKERN.H.G, lead singer of emo-frazzcore outfit Hookers Green, further contributed to the "Zombie you cunt!" lynch artmob mentalistics by accusing the messageboard scourge Zombie Munch that he "needed attention".The frazzcore genius that is NHG(above)N.H.G was quoted as saying "that Munch i tell you, he reminds me of a pile of burning atlases on a winter morning, i hate his guts", to which he took one last swig of his half-drinked bottle of Liebfraumilch and then smashed it violently against a wall in disgust.Zombie Munch, however, has checked himself into a humour dry-out clinic in a bid to learn some similes and make "wish they could be on the South Bank Show" seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerious arteeestes like Hookers Green accept him as an honorary scarf-wearing rollie cigarette-smoking Bohemian bourgeoise.Speaking from the clinic in London's top "National Clinic For Similiotherapy" on Harley Street, Zombie was said to be in a "stable but smug condition" since he checked in three days ago and was already in the early stages of his therapy which involves listening to Serge Gainsbourg records and reading Russian poetry.Then on the fifth day, Zombie will go under the knife and have a monocle surgically implanted into his face to which he will then be asked to sign a release form placing him on "scarf parole", a lawful document which requires Zombie Munch to wear a scarf at all times in public.Zombie Munch is, however, unavailable for comment at this present time.How Zombie Munch is expected to look after his therapy(above) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Tristen Posted January 26, 2004 Report Share Posted January 26, 2004 Dude, I'd be flattered is someone was paying attention to em enough to go to all the effort to write posts like Zombies... even if they were taking ths piss.Grow up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Zombie Re-Munched Posted January 26, 2004 Report Share Posted January 26, 2004 HOOKERS GREEN ARTDWARF NHG IN "ZOMBIE YOU CUNT!" SCANDALThe story dubbed worldwide as "The Zombiegate scandal" flared up today as NHG, short-kneed leader of braggstompf band Hookers Green and fine purveyor of coronary-inducingly funny similes like "you horrible bag of crabs" and "your hair looks like a priest's from the past!", made what was described to be a "tragically desperate" attempt to gain kudos amongst his simile-loving scarf-wearing peers by saying that Zombie Munch "had no brains and feels like a hammer".NHG, agitated and emo about the Zombiegate scandal(above)In an emotional interview given to "Nu Beatnik Magazine" today, NHG angrily fought back the tears and said that "Zombie Munch was just a bottle full of lobsters in an ocean of poison" while breaking off from the interview to console himself by wiping his artistic snot on his emo-scarf and smoking a roll-up cigarette.NHG also confirmed the rumours that Hookers Green had already written a retaliation song against Zombie Munch entitled "Munch Smells Of Monster Trucks and Speaks Like Stallone", which also features the Canto Gregoriano monks chanting a chorus that goes -"Zombie, zombie, you horrible fucking goat, you are as empty as Liverpool harbour, you wish you were Go West singing King Of Wishful Thinking in a submarine, you're a used pair of Stephen Hawking's socks, you're a speech impediment gone foreign, you sick sick sick sick sick sick sick....buzzard"NHG, right-side of picture, enjoying an amusing simile with a close friend(above)To promote the Zombie-baiting single, Hookers Green will play the world-renowned frazzcore club Depardieu's Armpit and donate all proceeds to the "The Nu Beatnik's Scarf Benovolent Fund", a charity which provides arty scarves for starving people in Third World countries that have really hot weather and which are going through famines and drought.Always the centre of attention - NHG, centre of photo, with some arty hipsters who probably think he is a wacky geniusZombie Munch, however, was again unavailable for comment because he felt like a hammer and had no brains. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delboy Posted January 26, 2004 Report Share Posted January 26, 2004 hey turgenov, how come you changed and edited your reaction????did zombie inject a sense of humour into you these last 24 hours, we all got the impression you were not best pleased. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spellchecker Posted January 26, 2004 Report Share Posted January 26, 2004 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.turgenev Posted January 27, 2004 Report Share Posted January 27, 2004 Originally posted by delboy:hey turgenov, how come you changed and edited your reaction????did zombie inject a sense of humour into you these last 24 hours, we all got the impression you were not best pleased. hey deelbay,how come you speak of such reactions????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????did zombie inject a meat injection into you these last 24 hours, we all got the impression there was no message in the first place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Craig Posted January 27, 2004 Report Share Posted January 27, 2004 I wish I could be as cool as you :/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delboy Posted January 27, 2004 Report Share Posted January 27, 2004 Originally posted by j.turgenev:hey deelbay,how come you speak of such reactions????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????did zombie inject a meat injection into you these last 24 hours, we all got the impression there was no message in the first place. what was the question again??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Zombie Re-Munched Posted January 27, 2004 Report Share Posted January 27, 2004 DEL FRANKLIN IN MEAT SYRINGING SHOCKOSCANDO!!!Del Franklin, was accused today of selling and supplying Class A meat on Aberdeen's street corners by a member of Hookers Green, who for legal reasons cannot be named.The "meat injection kingpin" Del Franklin(above)The meat, also known as "tripe" or "offal" amongst junkies and addicts, can either be hypodermically injected or snorted or smoked and is highly addictive amongst users of the meat.An addict snorting powdered pig trotters, probably sold by FranklinFranklin was said to be "shocked and dumbfounded" by the accusations and said he had "no idea what the hell the serious musician and superior human being who accused him of such unwholesome practises was getting at".However, extensive investigations into Franklin's murky meaty past have thrown up a photo where Franklin is seen to be giving a "meat injection" to Ian Christie, sound man at Cafe Drummonds.Franklin adminstering some unlawful cow into Christie's sonic veins(above)A junkie, to afraid to be named or photographed, has been smoking the highly addictive and extremely fatal meatstuff "venison"."Venison" is transported from Central Asia and is made from gazelles, which are antlered animals grown in fields by farmers in fertile areas of Afghanistan.The junkie said "Aye ken, well it started aff when ah started smoking a bit o mutton ken but ah ma mates started using harder stuff, snorting caviare, rubbing potted heid on ma gums and once you start deeing ah that shite then there's nae wy back, i've been smoking venison for five years noo".The venison user also said the meat brings nothing but despair; "Well, i have burgled hooses, stole purses, selt ma erse tae punters and begged on the street to get money tae buy venison, i just cannae stop man, i just cannae stop" he said weeping scrappy tears. A junkie smoking a "bambi wrap", venison laced with powdered antlersPolice were today probing Del Franklin for evidence of illegal meat trafficking and said that "Mr. Franklin was in their custody to help with enquiries".Meanwhile, Zombie Munch was still unavailable for comment but was photographed outside the clinic he is resting in and was reported to be looking "fit and meaty".The infamous Zombie Munch, the housewife's choice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest neil ex Posted January 27, 2004 Report Share Posted January 27, 2004 that del franklin is the scum of the fucking earth.. the world would be a better place without him Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delboy Posted January 27, 2004 Report Share Posted January 27, 2004 why thank you neil, that indeed is a very nice compliment.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest neil ex Posted January 27, 2004 Report Share Posted January 27, 2004 well, couldn't you think of any other way to make a living del? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delboy Posted January 27, 2004 Report Share Posted January 27, 2004 no i am unemployablewelfare benefits beckon after uni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Zombie Re-Munched Posted February 8, 2004 Report Share Posted February 8, 2004 STARFALL TO "HEADLINE" NEXT YEAR'S FUDGE AWARDS???????As Aberdeen's muso Pissclub scene gears up to pretend to like each other and really admire each other's musical works for one night only at this year's Fudge Awards, it is next year's Fudge Awards whom everyone is now talking about and whom will "headline" that particular event.Two bands hotly tipped to be "headline" are proto-pseudo-auto-neo Goths Starfall and Emodonians My Mind's Weapon but Craig MacNish wants the coveted headline slot to be an incentive to the bands putting their names forward for the prize.Craig MacNish doing the Fudge warp againCraig said that he wanted to make these bands work for the prize and said that if him and Brian couldn't determine who should play by the number of mates of the bands they are be considering to play a "headline" slot manage to invite to each gig they see this year then he had another great idea.He said that he wanted to use Mel Tischuk's mum's house in Peterculter or Cults or one of those rich poshfolk places she used to live in to take a member of each band to play a series of Krypton Factor-esque problem-solving games which involve solving a problem in order to win a single crystal, which each crystal won will count for 5 seconds inside the mysterious Crystal Dome.The Crystal Dome, based at the Fudge Flat, is where the event will culminate as fans are turned on and a mixture of golden and silver tickets are blown into the air, with which all members of the bands involved will have to make a grab for as many tickets as they can.Craig explained that "the person who has collected the most golden tickets will have their band headline the Fudge Awards while the person who collects the most silver tickets will have to play first at a Club Loco night".My Mind's Weapon were suitably emo-tionally unhappy about this and expressed their emo-ness to the most emo-tionally extent.Jamesy Bruce(left) and Tooms(right) of My Mind's Weapon(above)Jamesy argued about nothing in particular and to no-one in particular while Tooms merely smiled and pretended he wasn't there. Jamesy fumed "it don't matter to us anyway, by this time next year - we'll be being supported by From Autumn To Ashes or Thursday so as far as i am concerned, Fudge should be begging us to headline and not asking us. They're just jealous!".Ben Timpson of My Mind's Weapon(above)While Jamesy was very vocal about MMW being asked to do a headline slot at next year's Fudge Awards, MMW frontman and exclamation mark junkie Ben Timpson was a gatling gun of emo rage and during the course of our exclusive interview with him, he fired multiple vocal emo-bullets into the un-emo direction of Craig and Brian Fudge saying "they're a bunch of fucking hypocrites man!, no-one knows shit about emo, everyone who doesn't know about emo is just jealous and narrow-minded and GAY!!!!" Emo-stones in an emo glass house full of autumn leaves on a cold November day you could say....However Ben explained that emo was the most important musical revolution since the punk rock movement began with the So Cal music scene and said that "everyone is jealous of emo bands because their hairstyles rock and because most of the guys in emo bands are good looking but i am not gay or owt!!!!, i don't even like gays but emo gays are ok i guess!!!!!!!".Dan Goldsworthy of My Minds Weapon(above)Dan said he would happily participate in Craig's Crystal Dome as "My Minds Weapon could really use that Club Loco slot".Tom Easy Wishes(above)10 Easy Wishes have expressed an interest in headlining the coveted local muso bumsnogfest Tom and JJ said they were attempting to bribe the Fudge guys with new 10 Easy Wishes t-shirts, a free Mexican Bandit Moustache CD, the chance for Deadloss to appear on a future Tam O' Shantie compilation CD, a Tellison autograph and the opportunity to shave that other one in 10 Easy Wishes's "emo hairstyle off Fudgeeeeestyleeeee".JJ Easy Wishes(left) and that other one in 10 Easy Wishes(right), pictured aboveJonathan Lucifer in his A-Go-Go days(above)Jonathan Lucifer said Radio Lucifer would be throwing their hat into the ring for possible contention into the headline act competition but wished all "the heartbreakers and soulshakers the best of luck in the contest" before the interview was cut short after i accidentally stepped on his blue suede shoes.Hardcore Mel Tischuk(above)At the mention of Jonny's blue suede shoes, Mel then took the ample opportunity to have an unexpurgated conversation about shoes for the next four hours....Starfall financial master and monetary commander Dave Bradley in a rage about Fudge's plansDave Bradley, manager and "accountant" of Starfall, said that Starfall would not be entering into this silly fray. Bradley then added "Starfall played the Cavern Club this week and i can tell you right now that Starfall would've still headlined the Cavern Club had it been the early 1960s and The Beatles and Gerry & The Pacemakers were on the same bill, i reckon pseudoGoth skiffle would've been well-liked by folk like Cilla Black way back then!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest neil ex Posted February 9, 2004 Report Share Posted February 9, 2004 what you on about?! peterculter's nae posh! i once saw hardcore mel getting on the number 19 from miltimber i think, it might be there like Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJ 10 Easy Wishes Posted February 9, 2004 Report Share Posted February 9, 2004 Oh lord that is one of the funniest things I've ever read. You deserve some sort of payment in money for that. The meat injection one wasn't very funny but the My Mind's Weapon photos made me laugh so hard I actually woke up my sister in the room above. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Zombie Re-Munched Posted February 9, 2004 Report Share Posted February 9, 2004 SOME EXCLUSIVE MY MINDS WEAPON NEWS!!!!!To stave off any rumours that My Minds Weapon might be closet homosexuals using homophobic phrases to prove that they're "not gay or owt!", My Minds Weapon played an exclusive gig at the Khyber And Gerbil Club to raise money for emo gayboys who "like their music but as long as thats all they like then thats fine!!!!" as Ben made sure to point out.My Minds Weapon - a band who don't mind gays, as long as they don't kiss each other or touch each other's bums when they're around!!!!! MMW's set began in style with Jamesy, dressed as a traffic cop, tearing through various MMW songs like a 100% straight poof-despising emo axeman while Dan, dressed as a leather-clad biker, and Alex, dressed as a Red Indian, provided suitable rhythm guitar and bass support with fiercely heterosexual aplomb.Tooms, dressed as a construction worker, thundered and cracked away at his drumkit like a man who likes to spend most of his time fucking ladies in the cunt and not in the ass while Ben, sporting a handlebar moustache and apparently dressed as a sailor, screamed and roared(not like a roaring queen or owt though!!!!) his way through MMW's songs like a man possessed, but not by a gay emo demon but by a ladyloving vagina-appreciating real man's demon who buys Loaded Magazine religiously and who loves football and who likes to fight other men in the street after downing 20 pints of lager with his equally-masculine mates.Ben Timpson - emo-ing it out for the ladsMMW looked like they had a good night and sent the "emo faggot" crowds out with a cheerful smile on their faces with a mixture of MMW songs and "songs that their kind might like but done in an emo style so they know we're not pansies or sissies".My Minds Weapon - They're no fucking bufties ahhhhright!!!!!MMW'S SETLIST TONIGHT.... My Biggest MistakeWishes And What Might've BeensI Know That You KnowI Will SurviveI'm Comin OutTwenty Seven TwelveDancing QueenSisters Are Doin It For ThemselvesI Am What I AmThe EscapeSavour Every SecondENCORE...In The NavyMacho ManRelax(Don't Do It)Its Raining MenY M C AMy Minds Weapon - A band who like to sing their emo songs gruffly not buftly!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest stuartmaxwell Posted February 9, 2004 Report Share Posted February 9, 2004 ha ha ha hainsomnia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan G Posted February 9, 2004 Report Share Posted February 9, 2004 I just embarassed myself by laughing out loud in front of the whole office, even though it's me that's being ripped!Classic stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Karloff Posted February 9, 2004 Report Share Posted February 9, 2004 Shit, Dan.... I thought that was really you in that photo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soundian Posted February 10, 2004 Report Share Posted February 10, 2004 Originally posted by Rob Karloff:Shit, Dan.... I thought that was really you in that photo It is, he's celebrating winning 'Best of Show'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Zombie Re-Munched Posted February 11, 2004 Report Share Posted February 11, 2004 MY MINDS WEAPON TO PLAY EMO HAIRGIG AT TONI & GUY AWARDS!!!After the furore surrounding headlining next year's Fudge Awards, emo style gurus My Minds Weapon were approached by internationally renowned hairstylist chain Toni & Guy to play their annual awards show in London.Toni & Guy said "we are pleased My Mind's Weapon decided to play, it saved us a lot of money trying to book Lost Prophets".My Minds Weapon, who took some time out of the recording of their album "How To Start A Chip Pan Fire", were said to be in good spirits and on a high, not because of their performance but because of the ozone layer-raping amount of hair lacquer vapours enveloping the place.Ben Timpson - emo warrior fighting his own emo jihad against indie rock infidels(above)When merely quizzed about playing the Toni & Guy awards, Ben in his obligatory defensive and totally unprovoked argumentative emo style said "WHATS WRONG WITH DOING THIS??!!!!! ARE YOU JEALOUS?!!!! EMO IS 'MODERN DAY PUNK ROCK'!!! IAN WATKINS IS THIS GENERATION'S JOHNNY ROTTEN FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!!!! WHY YOU ALL AGAINST EMO????? FUCK OFF!!!!! WHY HAS EVERYONE GOT A POLE UP THEIR ASS ABOUT EMO???!!!!!!!! ARE YOU GAY OR WHAT???!!! YOU BUNCH OF FUCKING JEALOUS GAY FUCKSTICKS!!!!! THE BACKLASH HAS STARTED!!!!! FUCK OFF!!!!!!"...he post-hardcorely said before touching his eyeliner up and putting his backpack on before storming out of the awards in an emotic poisoned well of a rampage.Alex Agnew - from autumn to eyelashes(above)Alex, on the other hand, was less emo in his tone but said that he was getting suitably tired of all this "buggering holier than thou attitudes people have against emo" and said that "in frustration at the people who don't understand emo, i'm not a violent man but i am going to go home and smash up the Lego model i built of Hopesfall singer Jay Forrest because its a lot more constructive than slashing my wrists with a Further Seems Forever CD".Jamesy Bruce - retracting.the.chocolate.thorn(above)Redundantly-limbed and oompa loopy guitarist Jamesy Bruce sneered "This just shows those Fudge fuckbeans that my brainchild was no joke and that we shouldn't even need to be asked to headline, we're headliners already and were headliners before my brain started ovulating, everyone is just naturally jealous of me and my emo womb".He then sarcastically sighed and said "all our haters can SLUT YER MA AND SUCK MA ROWIE" before waddling off in a haze of indifference and inconsequence.Dan Goldsworthy - Best of sideshowDan had nothing to add other than asking us if we would like to see his "atreyu", not knowing what he meant, he lifted his skirt to show us a shockingly neatly trimmed fannypube portrait of Iron Maiden's trademark mascot Eddie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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