Oedo 808

Aye, it's a very slight similarity.

It's weird, I was just watching the video about Harlan Ellison's end credit in The Terminator this morning.

Good on Heller State if they're getting folk to sign up to the forums to vote for them.

Is it just "Dances With Smurfs"?

I think the funny thing is that A. He admitted that Ryan looked over 18 (the actual age required to buy alcohol) and B. That I looked over 25 (the fake, silly made-up age they required) and C. He still wouldn't sell us the beers. It was daft, we went to the co-op and bought a crate of beers, 12 cans of coke, bulmers, papers and assorted snacks, crisps and sweets that in the end probably totalled around 30. I do realise the boy was only doing his job. It didn't bother me, I just thought the final "but I know you're buying them for him" line was a pretty funny comeback.

That was me and Ryan Massie. Buying booze for after our recording sesh @ Exile with Mark Nicol. We wouldn't have been there only we were ID'd in Kincardine O'Neil. The boy was a comedian like. Ryan plonked a crate of beers on the counter and the conversation went something like this. Boy: Have you got any ID for that? Ryan: No, I am 26 though Boy: But you don't look 25 Ryan: Okay... but that's because I'm 26 Boy: But if you look under 25 you need to have ID here, don't you have any ID? Ryan: Well, not on me. Can I ask how old you are? Boy: 18 Ryan: Well come on, surely I look older than you? Boy: Yes, you do, but you have to look over 25 or I can't sell you any beers Bob: Okay then, I'll buy the beer then. I'm 27. Surely I look older than 25? Boy: Yeah, you do Bob: Okay, how much are those beers then? Boy: I can't sell you any beers either though Bob: Oh, why's that? Boy (pointing to Ryan): Cos I know you're buying them for him That's when we decided to go to Aboyne.

Zeromisery needs to start living up to his name a bit better.

I prefer "It's a Disaster", that was a good record.

What record was that?

Weird, I've not heard anything from Seagate that I remember being very impressed by. Any links?

What is it about?

Yeah, sorry, that makes sense - I was taking the song literally because I was associating the proceeding sleeping line with the dreaming line.

Lyrically Lady Gaga's sexuality is quite interesting. She seems both aroused and disgusted at the same time and emotionally detached from the act itself. She likes to fuck but doesn't have much, if any faith in her lovers.

Have they played a Fudge gig though?

I'm confused. She's dreaming a strangers dream whilst trying to get to sleep? This one's good. We covered this theme of the married exes with ASFG but took a different angle on it.

Well if I hadn't been told that I'd have put your lyrics in the, "Not really sure what it all means, but I have faith that it all means something" category, much as I do with Jimmy Eat World. There's a lot of quality in that song; the first line has cracking imagery and there continues to be good imagery throughout. When I'm writing with someone else and I really need to get to the crux of the song sometimes we'll go through every line and ask the question, "Ok, but what do you mean when you say that?" Those are the days that I'm not very popular. To me, meaning in a song doesn't need to be obvious, but I need to know that the person who is writing and singing the song understands it. That makes it easier to sing in the long run anyway. Emotional logic used properly can be more intense and poetic than linear narrative song writing. Carrots Gladstone - Underkills, Plastic I think this song's cool. I really like the message. Fashionistas would love this kind of thing cos they all love to bitch out other fashionistas. The first 20 seconds of the intro made me think it was gonna burst into Black Betty at any moment. What's the opening chord? 2nd string, 4th fret? 1/9? Something totally different probably. lol. The lead part.... 2/2,2/4,3/2,3/1,2/2,2/4... its fun to play. I think you should try singing the chorus with a little more conviction and venom. Exaggerate the consonants slightly and experiment with the spacing of each syllable. If you really spat out the words more like: youre SO PlasTIC fakeTANtasTIC Also, I would experiment with pausing less on the word "fake" as in fake-tantastic and try a more even spacing of fake-tan-tas-tic. All of it or none of it might work, always worth experimenting though. I've also edited a few more bits in the song you might want to consider. I rewrote this bit. My version reads. You like to shop till you drop Spend hours on your make-up, tip top You love yourself so much it hurts But it's only on the outside This version takes away the repetition of the word "hot" in line 2, removes the swearing which in this case I didn't think was necessary and sums up the whole theme of the song in the first verse because now we see that it's not just her looks, but also her confidence which is only skin deep. I'd try and remove the repetition of the word talk, and you could also soften the last line to put a different spin on the meaning. But if you're happy as it is... I'll leave it at that. I like to tinker with other people's songs, but there comes a time you need to stop.

I'm really liking this song and I do have a few thoughts on it, but I'll get back to you on that as I have to go just now.

It sounds weird but when I was writing this one I deliberately made the lyrics simple, verging on obvious. I wasn't holding Poppy up as my best lyrics, but it happens to be online which was convenient when I was starting this thread. I totally get what you're saying though, I'm just pleased you like some of my lyrics! Haha. Ask and yee shal receive. POINT OF ORIGIN on PureVolume.com Verse 1 Knowing different girls and being nice to them was boring, All I ever wanted from them was a little whoring, That's when I saw her one day just walking down Canal Street, Staring at her boobies but eventually our eyes meet, There is something special bout a girl that don't care, You're staring at her body and you want your hands there, Well she knew me in one second and she said "Hey boy, you're in luck..." "Would you like to fuck?" Break Verse 2 Okay so Im lying cos that really didnt happen, I wish it really did cos Ive been wanking like a madman, Been with this chick for ages she thinks shes kinda special, If I dont get some pussy soon I think that Ill go mental, There is something fucked up bout a girl that don't care, You're staring at her body and you want your hands there, Its so wrong its like Ive got this itch, Im gonna dump that bitch! Chorus So Bring On The Sluts, Cos theres never enough, Of girls who like dick, Hell it makes me sick when, Girls who are nice, Wont take my advice, Just leave me alone, Cos I need a fuckin slut to bone. Hold me in the morning now tell me that Im special, You can get your pants off get your fucking pants off, All my friends hate you boy they say youre hyper-sexual, You can get your pants off get your fucking pants off, Give me lots of presents and you can kiss and hug me, You can get your pants off get your fucking pants off, Look me in the eyes right now and tell me that you love me, You can get your pants off RIGHT NOW! Verse 3 Please dont get me wrong now girls you need to understand me, Sluts not a bad word at all cos eventually youll know we - Men like girls who like to fuck and fuck their reputation, All that shit is just made up to ruin situations, When will the world just look around and drop their double standard? If there were no sluts to dick then we would all be angered, By a world where we must be alone and think I might explode, If I dont shoot my load. Break Verse 4 Knowing different girls and being nice to them was boring, All I ever wanted from them was a little whoring, That's when I saw her one night just walking down Canal Street, Staring at her boobies but eventually our eyes meet, There is something special bout a girl that don't care, You're staring at her body and you want your hands there, Its so wrong it might even be crass, She takes it up the ass. Chorus etc etc etc

The Lyrics Thread

Post your lyrics in here, either with links to the accompanying music (preferred) or on their own. Also, if there's a lyric you have and can't think of something to follow on from it or if you're just plain stuck here might be a good place to seek some collective advice. Please try to keep the feedback as constructive as possible and in good spirit. ______________________________________________________ In fact, I'll post this up just to get the ball rolling: POINT OF ORIGIN on PureVolume.com Poppy, 18, from Somerset Poppy, 18, from Somerset Youre an Angel in the paper I just cant forget From the first time that I saw page 3 And found you looking back at me I admit, my heart, skipped a beat I dont know if I'll ever feel the same I just want to take you on a date Cos you make me want to master-mind A way for us to be together, forever Just tell me what you want Tell me what you need Ill do it gladly for you I dont want anything to stand in my way I want you so badly (I really do) Although it may be wrong youre the girl I cant forget You're Poppy, 18, from Somerset Oh Poppy, 18, from Somerset, Please dont think Im crazy cos Im not there yet I just want to make you see That you could be the girl for me Well dance the night away So breathless but Im happy all the same Can you catch these words straight from my lips? As you catch me staring at your eyes That I just want to look right into forever Just tell me what you want Tell me what you need Ill do it gladly for you I dont want anything to stand in my way I want you so badly (I deeply do) Although it may be wrong youre the girl I cant forget Poppy, 18, from Somerset And though weve never met at all Your picture looks so happy on my wall Its a silly fantasy I just hope you take these words as flattery... And then give me a call

Can you put the lyrics up for the songs that are online? It makes life easier. Maybe a new thread required?

For me, the melody makes me like the song, but the lyrics make the final difference between whether I like it or love it.

I can use PMs, but there was no need to because what I had to say wasn't private. This is a music discussion forum; I don't see why a discussion about music should be conducted surreptitiously just because it doesn't directly involve or interest you. What exactly is your problem with me providing constructive feedback in the feedback forum?

It may not be very useful to you, but in all fairness I was making a direct reply to a request from one of the band members. If you think you can provide more helpful insights than me I encourage you to do so.

Okay, I've taken the lyrics you have on your myspace and marked out the rhyme scheme here to illustrate where you are using rhymes and to give you some other thoughts. In Atlanta - Lyrics - Motorways & Magicians so here's the punch line A my sun won't shine A failing inner state of mind x falling into a decline A searching motorways gets hard sometimes x even when it's leading straight to you A the magician's lost his precious wand x you find a way of slipping through A (with the word through I think you should either try to cut out the oooo ooo ooo and make it smooth or pronounce it more) Chorus: Stay right here with me (sounds like meee-heee: could maybe tone down the added "h", I don't like added consonants in short words) and dance into the night (Lyrics changed here so don't know) it makes my probe much easier, it makes me feel alight. Verse 2: show me the information x (half rhyme/imperfect rhyme) i can end an expedition A compromise on one condition A that you approach me with caution x broken hearts were never ever intended A i thought you knew but you only pretended A it doesn't matter what i thought B does my opinion matter? surely not B Outro i know you're no fun, you'll miss me when i'm gone A correct me if i'm wrong, (inner line rhyme with A) takes two to get along A So what I'd say is that this song is great overall with many good things going for it. Intelligent lyrics with meaning, but the rhymes don't follow any scheme so that doesn't help you. I think you should decide whether you want the lyrics to rhyme or not and if you do to stick with the rhyme scheme you have set up in the first verse. Otherwise, this is excellent.