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pffft @ chuck norris Mcgyver's yer man


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- Micheal Schumacher's winning F1 car was made in 3 weeks by Macgyver using only a Wal-Mart shopping cart, a 1983 model CB radio and two lawnmowers. But the secret of the cars success was the great traction he created by using a liquid that was made with melted fruit loops which he smeared on the tyres.

- When God asked for light Chuck Norris told him to say please, When Chuck Norris could not complete this task McGyver created it out of a toothpick three chocolate bars and his swiss army knife.

- Hiroshima is said to have been bombed by a nuclear weapon, this is not true, Mcgyver accidently set it up with a pound of crushed ice, and DNA from both Chuck Norris and Mr. T

- Macgyver made a sail for his houseboat using 3 paper bags and a sock. He then proceeded to win the America's Cup for 7 years running.

- Once Macgyver invented a hair loss comb over machine that was so powerful not even hurricane winds could dislodge the comb over it created. Just before he was about to release it to the public, Donald Trump made him an offer he couldnt refuse. Mr Trump registered the patent and only one prototype was ever made - used to this day by Mr Trump.

- Macgyver once invented a machine so revolutionary that it would change the face of mankind forever. It was reported that Time magazine was to hail this as "The greatest invention of our century". Unfortunately one day it was stolen from MacGyver's houseboat. Eyewitnesses reported seeing a large male leaving the houseboat on the very same day. Two weeks later (to the day), the George Foreman grill was released to the public. The culprit was never apprehended.

- Macgyver invented the first PSP prototype in 1984 using 2 AA batteries, duct tape and a carton of low fat milk.

- The only reason the Macgyver show was ever cancelled was because in the summer of 1991 Macgyver caused a worldwide shortage of duct tape.

- Once Macgyver was stuck in the Alps with only a Maltese Poodle as his companion. It was getting dark and he needed a way to get home. He removed his trusty swiss army knife and proceeded to duct tape some pack-ice, 3 pages from an old People magazine and moose hairs together. With this he formed wings which he then welded onto the back of the Maltese poodle.

He then flew the Maltese back home to Florida navigating by using a compass made with a match and a banana.

Two years later he sold the Maltese to a Hollywood producer who used the dog as one of the main stars in "The Neverending Story" trilogy.

- Every man who sports a mullet secretly wants to be Macgyver.

- Macgyer has beaten Steven Hawking at chess 11 out of 12 times. He threw the last game.

- Macgyver once made a working model of the theory of relativity using only duct tape, pennzoil and 37 matchsticks.

- MacGyver does not shave with a regular razor - he merely applies duct tape to his face and rips it off. This is how Chuck Norris first learned of this technique.

- The first ever high speed internet connection was actually created by Macgyver in 1989 in an effort to contact the CIA while he was MIA in Cameroon. He managed to create a WIFI connection using a pigeon.

Duct taped to the pigeon was a home made solar powered high speed wireless 56k modem. This connection was so powerful that by todays standards the entire internet could be downloaded within 3 hours and 38 minutes at a speed of 45TB per second. Unfortunately Macgyver forgot to write down the root password and no-one has ever been able to penetrate or logon to this network since.

- The first ever Linux distro was coded by Macgyver in under 3 hours - using only a hybrid version of notepad and DOS batch files.

- When McGyver is bored, he builds stuff. Once when he was locked in a warehouse awaiting his death by one bad guy or another, he constructed, using only A paperclip, a cardboard box, duct tape, and some dust bunnies:

a salad shooter

a hydroponic garden

13 bombs

A PDTRM(Perpetual Duct Tape Reproduction Machine)

A new form of Kung Fu that he ultimately used to defeat his captors

What do YOU do on your days off?

- MacGyver once fought with Chuck Norris, MacGyver won with Q-Tips, a cough drop, and an empty Powerade bottle.

- The only thing Macgyver fears more than a shortage of duct tape - is duct tape itself.

- MacGyver made a time machine composed entirely of duct-tape, went back in time and fathered Einstein.

- Macgyver actually entered the first pilot show of Survivor, but was promptly banned for building a condo complete with remote controlled garage in the first hour.

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