SteveCrisis

Yeah - got the email as well and some text jokes - most of which are unrepeatable!!!

Singe Majeep and Maheeds Roastin indeed!

Did you receive the one about the reservoir being attacked and police concerns that it could mark the beginning of ram a dam?

Hitler's shop was called 3rd Reich and Roll Records, if I remember correctly.

And there were some rarities to be found in his Bargain Bunker

In a way I'm somewhat saddened that I missed this yesterday. I never got the chance to shout my anti-royal vitriol at the telly.

Beastie Boys - The Mix Up

Grinderman

Aren't Radiohead doing something similar with their forthcoming album?

Mature Drummer 36, looking to jam a few tunes with folk into Punk/Hardcore, e.g Sick of it All, Angelic Upstarts, SLF, Sex Pistols, Rancid, UK Subs, etc, pm for a beer and chat

Prostituting yourself, Jeffrey?

Seriously folks, if you want a drummer with stamina, talent, etc. snap Jeff up PDQ.

Jeff, ever considered a Cerement/Holow Blast fusion idea?

Round at my work there is a guy that comes with birds of prey to keep the seagulls from nesting on the buildings. They are stunning to look at.

Could do with that on my street particularly when seagull chicks have hatched. The adults are quite vicious swooping and bombing when protecting their young.

Or maybe resurrect my old black widow catapult and have a cache of ball bearings to hand.

Why are seagulls a protected species? They're a nuisance. A humane cull (not cataplt and ball bearings as shot) is surely in order ?

There's a kestrel that's a frequent visitor to my parents' back garden.

Saw two pheasants near the river bank the other day.

Can anyone recommend me something along the lines of Martin Amis, Hunter S. Thompson, JD Salinger, Easton Ellis?

I lost a friends book on the bus. I want to get him something good as an apology, something mind-blowing preferably, though maybe just a ruddy good read.

Last Exit To Brooklyn by Hubert Selby Junior

It's a label marketing ploy that I despise.

Read the lyrics to Paint A Vulgar Picture by The Smiths. Encapsulates it all.

Crippled Black Phoenix - A Love of Shared Disasters

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

"What troubles you, Sister?" asks the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family."

"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a

talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ."

"I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?"

"Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's Name in vain today!"

"Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You must tell me all about it!"

"Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother -540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green...and I hit

the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hits

a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!"

"Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!"

"No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball

and runs off down the fairway!"

"Oh, that would have made me blaspheme" sympathized Mother.

"But I didn't, Mother Superior!" sobbed the Sister. "And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from

God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!"

"So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile.

"Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished, "because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started

struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, ... the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!"

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...

"You missed the fucking putt, didn't you?"

What time do you reckon you'll be on Duncan?

They've played Lemon Tree before!

That was a strange lineup but great show...

Therapy?

Co.Uk

Clutch

So have Fugazi and Mogwai

No harm in trying to get them back, though.

Fugazi:up:

I knew you'd approve!

They've played Lemon Tree before!

That was a strange lineup but great show...

Therapy?

Co.Uk

Clutch

That was way back in 2000 if memory serves me well.

I missed that gig due to a death in the family.

I heard it was a cracking show though.

Element 106:up:

Who?

(8 characters)

I would sever major arteries/ donate vital organs to see these at The Lemon Tree:

Fugazi

Mogwai

Explosions In The Sky

Pelican

Jets Overhead

Modest Mouse

Clutch

Entombed

PJ Harvey (just so I can drool over her legs)

Dearing Family Unhappy With Tesco After Trolley Damages Car (from York Press)

Shocking stuff...

You're telling me. Supermarket trolleys that have Klingon-like cloaking devices combined with artificial intelligence and a hatred of women drivers of Citreons. o_O Whoda thunk it?!

Another un-newsworthy story, "Man is not gay":

Southport Forums - Local Businessman Garth Graham is NOT Gay!

What a queer headline.

I bet his Philippino landscaper is relieved. No more uphill gardening for him.

Anyway, in Baghdad yesterday, 78 people were killed and 200 hundred wounded from a Truck bomb. I wonder how Forres would react if this happended to their people?

Does Forres have that much of a population to decimate?

I'm just to the right of Ghandi.

Think I'll celebrate with a chicken faal then kick Tyler Durden's ass!

Just bought the one on Saturday - Pelican's Australasia

Seems like a good excuse to post this again

What a load of old wank!

don't know about a cold lager though

Not unless they mulled it.