SteveCrisis

No doubt thisll be moved to the humour forum but 'll post it here just now:

Steaua Needarest

Dyslexia Untied

Fatzio

Red Star Bellend

Sporting Lesbian

Grass Smokers Zurich

Hajduk Spliff

LSD Eindhoven

Albion Hungovers

Real Sosobad

Shackthar Senseless

Hardly Athletic

St. Mirnoff

Real Ale Madrid

Fred West Ham

Unreal Madrid

Rapid Viagra

Barearselona

Bayern Bru

Athletico Madras

Deportivo Lack a Talent

Bayer Neverlusen

Borussia Nosobad

Sparka Fag

Graham Rix U16's

Big Bertha Berlin

Inter Masister

Substandard Liege

Torpedo Belgrano

Bayer Leverarchfile

FC Copenbadly

Sporting Abeergut

Dinamo Mince

Red Stripe Belgrade

Fake Madrid

Unathletic Madrid

Outer Milan

I'm an apprentice mechanical engineer for the Wood Group. I cut bits of metal with machines.

So does that make you a frank turner?

I'll go home now...

Selling on behalf of a work colleague

2 x Go! Team tickets for sale

Face value 14.00 each.

PM if interested.

Thanks

Steve

That old chestnut?! Superb.

Deserves a thread in the appropriate forum think ye not?

Agree with Bigsby.....money seems to guarantee immunity

(but it can't buy you love, of course).

Depends how you define 'love' I reckon

YouTube - Me Love You Long Time, Me so Horny! (Original)

Still not as good as AJ Slater.

Can anyone top it?

Helen Slater who played Supergirl perhaps?

Obviously following in David Icke's footsteps.

Soon to be seen in the Daily Mail: 'Royals Really Are Lizards'

And in The Sun: 'You Murdering Bastards' with a stock photo of the Queen Mum and the caption cold-hearted mastermind

One of my favourite Later performances

I can vouch for these slaters:

Saw it at the weekend. What a captivating film and spell-binding performance by Daniel Day Lewis.

If you're not already aware: there is no dialogue for the opening 12-15 minutes of the film. Just a montage of action sequences leading up to the point where the story -line kicks in. This silent action sequence, accompanied by an eerie musiacal set-piece was spolied for be my some twat giving a running commentary to his partner. There's always one.

The soundtrack is scored by Jonny Greenwood, and is very haunting throughout.

The oscars are in the bag for this film right across the board for this one, I reckon.

Go see it:up:

Shame indeed. I watched The French Connection for the first time in ages last night and I was just thinking how good he was alongside Gene Hackman's Popeye Doyle as Cloudy Russo.

RIP Roy 'We're Gonna Need a Bigger Boat' Scheider.

Still. 75 years old - not a bad innings.

Saw the trailer on Saturday when I was in to see There Will Be Blood.

Ooh-ooh! May can't come quick enough!

Just noticed that Nothing Is Under-Rated was released Sate-side November, 2007.

I'm getting my grubby little mitts on it this evening, Has any-one else bought this yet and is it as good as his debut 'There To Here'?

The details:

Joe Lally vocals & bass

This Album Also Features:

Ben Azzara drums

Andy Gale drums

Eddie Janney guitar

Sam Krulewitch keyboards

Ricardo Lagomasino drums

Ian MacKaye guitar

Devin Ocampo drums

Guy Picciotto guitar

13 songs

Recorded:Summer 2007

Released:November 19, 2007

1. Day Is Born
   
2. Scavenger's Garden
   
3. Map of The World
   
4. Tonight at 10
   
5. Via Nomentana
   
6. Motora
   
7. Skin and Bone
   
8. Pieces of String
   
9. Door Closing
   
10. Space Program
    
11. Mistaken Identity
    
12. Painfully Aware
    
13. Strascinata
    

Recorded at Dischord House and Inner Ear Studios

Produced by Ian MacKaye & Guy Picciotto

Mastered by Silver Sonya

Never a night in hospital but a night in the cells once was enough to teach me a valuable lesson.Not to mention the threat of a vandalism and attempted theft charge dangling over my head :O

Never drink to excess on top of anti-depressants kids:up:

I just despise Aberdeen Journals period.

The only redeeming quality the P & J has is on a Friday when the recruitment supplement is published, as DaveOfficer has pointed out.

As to the EE and P & J's reportage of Erotic Fire - Whoopy fucking doo! Another article dedicated to turd polishing.

I was going to post this up on Friday after purchasing my ticket but forgot to do so. Ah well, nevermind.

May 27th : Yeah, Boy!

Getting organised early, looking for a suitable chain for my kitchen wall clock...

Buyer for an oil services company specailising in wireline equipment.

PM sent...

The Wombles Theme Tune??

Contains the word 'Underground' at least

A lot of you will be aware that Rich Hall did this in his Otis Lee Crenshaw guise but have you considered the lyrics to Jailhouse Rock in nowaday terms?

Originally Posted by Elvis Presley

The warden threw a party in the county jail.

The prison band was there and they began to wail.

The band was jumpin and the joint began to swing.

You shouldve heard those knocked out jailbirds sing.

Lets rock, everybody, lets rock.

Everybody in the whole cell block

Was dancin to the jailhouse rock.

Spider murphy played the tenor saxophone,

Little joe was blowin on the slide trombone.

The drummer boy from illinois went crash, boom, bang,

The whole rhythm section was the purple gang.

Lets rock, everybody, lets rock.

Everybody in the whole cell block

Was dancin to the jailhouse rock.

Number forty-seven said to number three:

Youre the cutest jailbird I ever did see.

I sure would be delighted with your company,

Come on and do the jailhouse rock with me.

Lets rock, everybody, lets rock.

Everybody in the whole cell block

Was dancin to the jailhouse rock.

The sad sack was a sittin on a block of stone

Way over in the corner weepin all alone.

The warden said, hey, buddy, dont you be no square.

If you cant find a partner use a wooden chair.

Lets rock, everybody, lets rock.

Everybody in the whole cell block

Was dancin to the jailhouse rock.

Shifty henry said to bugs, for heavens sake,

No ones lookin, nows our chance to make a break.

Bugsy turned to shifty and he said, nix nix,

I wanna stick around a while and get my kicks.

Lets rock, everybody, lets rock.

Everybody in the whole cell block

Was dancin to the jailhouse rock.

Now Number forty-seven saying to number three: 'Youre the cutest jailbird I ever did see./I sure would be delighted with your company,/Come on and do the jailhouse rock with me.'

This must equateto the precedent of an inmate actually asking permission to bugger a fellow convict?

It's quite obviously Ester O'Penis-Whore, the porn actress.

Clearly thinking along the same lines as me.

I was certain it was Rene O'Powershite the new up-and-coming action movie director

And don't get me started on pricks who wear their bluetooth headsets when they're not driving.

Reminds me of the time me and my father went for a pint in the Prince Of Wales before going to the cinema.

Complete random tube comes up to the bar where me and my dad are waiting patiently to be served:

CRT: 'Himmen, that's fuckin smairt like. Fuck,aye.'

Stevecrisis's Da: 'Pardon?'

CRT (pointing at my dad's left ear): 'Yer thingmy, ken. Yer bluetooth. Didnae ken ye got them skin coloured.'

SCD removing noticed device from his ear and thrusting it in CRT's face: 'BLUETOOTH HEIDSET? ARE YE WISE? IT'S MY FUCKIN DEIF-AID NOW BEAT IT!'

Oh how we laughed, but you had to be there...

it's bought. i don't think there's going to be a problem, just want to make sure really.

As you're not in a conservation area then I don't think there would be a problem either. I'd still recommend speaking to your area's clerk of works just to be on the safe side.

i'm not in a conservation area but i don't think there are any other dishes on my building so how do i know if i need to get permission or anything before i phone them?

Depends if your property is bought or rented I'd imagine. Asking the council's clerk of works would probably put you in the right direction.

Real short noice I know but due to unforeseen circumstances I have one balcony ticket for the Moz Father's performance at the Edinburgh Playhouse this Saturday.

40.00 is all I'm asking for.

PM me if interested.

Thanks

Steve