we make you music

Tempercalm are very good at what they do. In a kind of a Biffy way.

Also the Fire and I...the white stripes with balls.

I'm Only Being Honest

by Jeremy Kyle

Hodder & Stoughton, 16.99:

I know what lots of people think. Just who does Jeremy Kyle think he is? I'll tell you. A third-rate Jerry Springer who doesn't care about his guests. But I don't trawl the country looking for disadvantaged minorities to pick on. I've got researchers for that. I've also been accused of compounding society's problems by turning them into trash TV. I certainly hope so; it's hard work doing a show five days a week and it would be a drag to run out of victims to shame.

It's probably hard for you to imagine when you see the Jeremy Kyle of today, the most successful guy in showbiz, that I was a loser once. Like the little people, I cried myself to sleep because I hated myself so much. Though probably not as much as you hate me now. Amazingly, even now I'm not quite perfect: my fault is I try too hard to make things perfect for my family for whom I am the centre of the universe.

Why oh why oh why oh why do the British have such poverty of ambition? Can't people see that if a congenital idiot like me can have a TV show then anyone can? Apart from my brother, Nick, who was the family favourite and a lot cleverer than me, but screwed it all up by becoming a hopeless junkie.

Ha ha. I mean, how sad. Nick, I want you to know that I love you and I'm there for you if you need me. That's all I want to say.

Some problems are so big they can only be addressed in CAPITAL LETTERS. One thing that SICKENS me is when kids as YOUNG as 11 and 12 get PREGNANT. You have no idea what a hassle it is getting these feckless wastes of space on the TV, as the child protection guidelines are completely over the top. Give me a crack-addict shoplifter any day.

People say I'm overreacting when I say all chavs should be sterilised, but tough problems call for tough love. And I'm genuinely trying to help, because I want to help the little people in the way my parents supported me. I'll never forget the day I crashed my father's car. He could have got really angry: what I remember though is the sadness in his eyes that I hadn't hurt myself more seriously.

Am I just old and boring? No, I'm a small-minded demagogue. It's not easy knowing most people on the show regard me with disdain; especially when they are the audience. But someone has to point out what's wrong with society, and if I can't say that the biggest evil we face is the amount of crap daytime TV, then who can?

My critics have called me a hypocrite for being a gambler. Let me say here and now, gambling may have been a bit of a problem once but it isn't any more and besides, I was a bloody great gambler. And anyway, it's not like I was a scumbag junkie like my brother Nick. I still don't see why anyone takes smack when they can have a flutter on the geegees.

Contra-BLOODY-ception. Why don't kids bother? I never wore a condom when I was young, but then no one ever wanted to shag me. I do now when I'm on the TV, though. To set an example. Though I have to say, when we find some moron with 27 kids by 45 women including his grannies and his pets, the ratings are terrific.

The joy I get from helping little people stand taller is unbounded. That's why I insist midgets have boxes to stand on. And all I can say to the reporter who broke the story of me having phone sex with a 16-year-old girl is: "Where were you when that lonely, lost girl needed affection?" I also deny the show encourages violence, as that idiot judge suggested; sadly we can't get away with that in the morning, but give me a late-night show and watch the fists fly!

The reality is, the show is a symbol of all that's best about Britain: opportunistic voyeurism for those too pissed or lazy to go to work.

The digested read, digested: I'll be honest too - you're a deluded tosser

No. Its just easier to get your fingers in.

That's what she said...

and watching escape to victory was like watching a replication of Rise Against with a singer who looks 5 years old!

they sing about politics and all that jazz and they probably dont even vote. so dont even start. i respect them as musicians - but i think theyre taking this far too seriously. this whole jealousy thing is hillairious.

everyone is entitled to their own opinion - so dont even bother trying to sway people.

there are so many genres of punk - and just because i play in a band that doesnt write songs about politics or climate change etc doesnt make me any less punk than you. oh and also when it comes to shows - i think youll find weve played a shit load more than E2V - and im pretty sure that stands for something. weve pushed ourselves really hard this year and worked for everything weve got. we just tried to do something different for aberdeens music scene. just because hardcore is the "in" thing to do right now does not mean there isnt room for other bands in Aberdeen. and to be honest i think the hijacks should win it anyway. those guys are amazing - and theyre a hell of a lot tighter than anyone else in this poll. im done arguing with someone who whines like a little girl about not winning. (referring to E2V) I honestly couldnt give a flying fuck. so go ahead, get your mates to sign up and cast votes for you. you obviously want this more than anyone else in this poll so go ahead. youve clearly worked harder than any of the other bands that write songs and play gigs and sell merch and record albums etc in Aberdeen.

actually fuck it - that was sarcasm - i hope we kick your ass.

5 years old?! ok that's low man...I mean i've laid my heart on the line in this thread and you throw insults around willy nilly?!

You obviously have a lot of anger in you. That makes you at least a level 5 punk. i have only just levelled up to become a level 3 so I am in no way prepared to engage in any kind of punk verabalisations with you. I only just got my first pair of skate shorts and a copy of dookie...you must be at least well on your way to your 1st tattoo by now and maybe even have a bad religion release.

I better get all 27 of my friends to retract their votes because your in a different league man.

You're just saying this to try and keep the peace - I know you're as upset as I am because you said as much last night. To answer a post a few back - "what is punk?" - punk is about being true to yourself and that is something I've always done better than you as this thread shows. One minute you're screaming to be true to yourself NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE THINKS, the next you're compromising your true beliefs online, because you're scared that my honesty will lose us votes. At the end of the day the music will do the talking and if it doesn't then punk in Aberdeen might as well shrivel and die along with our hopes and dreams.

So you're saying that this never happened? Now you're making us look really stupid.

Listen man. I know what its like to stand on the edge of glory and see it taken away from you...and know that if you'd tried that little bit harder, You might...JUST MIGHT...have made something of yourself!

I have sweated tears and broken nails pulling myself INCH...BY...INCH...towards that final victory. And you know what man, it wasn't good enough.

we stood on that stage last year drinking the bitter knowledge that we could not claim to be THE BEST. I just don't know if i can go there again, that place is very dark for me.

I think i need to go away and reflect for a while...I'll see you on the other side...if I make it that far.

Good luck heller State. I hope you never know the pain that I feel inside...

Punk MY ARSE you poovters, your idea of punk needs a kick up the arse .

Even I could write a mair punk song.

I'd post a link so you can listen to it on Reverbnation, but it's all too confusing at this time of day, so here's the lyrics .

It's called

Breakfast with Boy George

I bought a sasidge and I cooked it on a grill

I cooked that sausidge

so that I could eat my fill

I took that sasidge

and I put it in a bap

I bit the sasidge

but it skited oot the back

The reed sass flowing

looked like I had a mishap

OOCHYA YE BASTARD

looked like my dismembered chap

Homo erotic snuff

is not my kind of fun

I'd rather drink tea

than have sasidge up my bum

Fit ye takin aboot min.

Ahm punk as fook. Ah huv listened tae the sex pistols an athin!

See, i'd almost agree with that..

it means something to me, but its far from the end of the world, but fuck it i'm not ashamed to say that i'd be happy to receive some recognition for the shitloads of effort we have put in to this year as a band, and fuck anyone who says they dont.

however, you might want to have a chat with your bandmates who are PMS-ing like fuck because you aren't winning the online poll!

nonetheless, happy to see someone is posting something that seems logical =]

See I almost agree. Except everything that has been posted by Paul and Duncan has been sarcasm, purely wind up material.

I really don't understand how duncan (shaki's) posts could be read in any other way. If you met him and new how old he really is you would understand...he doesnae gie a fook.

Hahahahahaha...ridiculous.

Ok u was going to follow the trend set by my bandmates and write a heavily sarcasm laced post about how deeply hurt I am regarding this. But then I realized that people would take it as serious and actually start trying to debate by ridiculous point of view.

The guys in heller state. Please continue to canvass votes. You obviously want this and good luck.

Just a word of warning. When u eventually realize this is one big joke and really just an excuse fir a piss up don't try and turn round and say we were only having a laugh. Because ilk only sa this once.

THIS ISN'T A REAL COMPETITION!

We were joint winners of best band last year because the dru ks at moorings wrote our name in the wrong section for took sake!

I am going to have to restrain myself for this one. So many opportunities, such as:

'Paul...GET THE TABLE!'

'Finally...e2V...Have come back...to TUUUUNNEEEEEEEEEELLS!'

Or maybe even just a subtle GIANT FOAM FINGER...maybe get a photo of me fingering Lita with it. (not actually...i don't think that would work)

Or I could impress her with my ladder diving skills...swanton bomb style crowd surf. But for that there would need to be a crowd.

I'll stop now...I hope she doesn't find this thread...she could eat me whole.

*All jokes/references to any parties real or fictional are just a figment of your imagination.

hi there, im part of a local aberdeen band named echo tunnels. we are currently looking for a drummer. our style is kidna yeah yeah yeahs, pixies etc and our myspace is Echo Tunnels on MySpace Music - Free Streaming MP3s, Pictures & Music Downloads. have a listen and if youre interested, my emil is i_run_with_scissors13@hotmail.com

hi there, i am posting this under my fiances aberdeen music account (hope he doesnt mind!) my band is desperately looking for a drummer. we practice at captain toms once a week. we were together for 6 months until one of our members left. we gigged at the tunnels and other venues and were just getting going when our member left. however, we have now reformed and have filled all spaces except for a drummer. we are influenced by the pixies, yeah yeah yeahs, be your own pet etc our myspace is Echo Tunnels on MySpace Music - Free Streaming MP3s, Pictures & Music Downloads and my email is i_run_with_scissors13@hotmail.com if youre interested:)

I think the key is, no matter how bad you are, if you shout 'san-demus high school football rules' then you win.

Also befriend a naked indian dude and all will fall into place.

Thanks to everyone that came down. Was a really good gig, all the bands played well (well i can't speak for us but A guy called guy and escape today were on top form, even without a bassist). Good atmosphere and we didn't get shut down.

Our next Aberdeen gig is 19th Oct with sonic boom six and the skints at The Tunnels. Hope to see you there.

Hey man. This scene is too small for people to bitch at each other. I don't think paul meant that there are better bands in a way to insult you. I think he was just riled that this guy had a go at us for not having as many out of town gigs.

But anyway, really enjoyed your last set. Was just commenting on the Kerrang comp, which i think is a waste of time as, like most of these, ends up in a battle of who has the most mates to vote for them.

Think the guy who created the thread thought i was having a go at you personally, which i wasn't

The point i was raising was that these 'battle of the bands' style competitions are never all they're cracked up to be. Good on you for reviewing a show, but the main point of your post seems to drag the attention onto this competition, which, in my opinion is just a money spinner for the company fronting the cash.

You posted this on the feedback forum, that was my feedback. Given that your not even in the band do you really think they would appreciate you insulting or provoking other people in other bands on their behalf?

And i wasn't insulting the band, in fact you quoted me saying i quite liked their songs.

I don't really know what the point of your post was other than writing a pretty poorly constructed review of the bands gig. You might as well have come on her and posted a thread saying 'i like decipher you should check them out', and people might.

heh. My dad says at school him and his mates were outcasts because they really wanted to be Mowtown backing dancers/singers. The guys that always smile and basically stand sideways, sometimes doing jump turns , and clicking their fingers a lot.

That's some pretty good advertising for Paco Rabanne right there! And i might be wrong but looking at that website, anyone can upload songs, I don't know were you got the 'chosen to be uploaded bit from'. Ahhh Kerrang supporting the independent music scene as always...or losing money and desperately seeking a new avenue to generate money through advertising products under the guise of a 'battle of the bands'. Another 'get your mates to vote' and you might just win some'MONEY CAN'T BUY' prizes!

* A deal with Search And Destroy records (home of Fightstar and In Case Of Fire).

-which, will inevitably include various clauses tying your music to them for life and giving you an advance that you will never be able to afford to pay off, unless you sell enough records (but the amount of records needed will be way above the amount a band going through this route will be able to sell)

* A magazine feature by Kerrang! editorial

-usually a small interview with the band and a BIG advert for the company fronting the cash. In this case Paco Rabanne.

* An Epiphone guitar from Gibson

-Emmm i think money can buy you this, a sponsorship with gibson would be good. But one guitar?!

BUT WAIT...there's more...dun dun dun:

During this mentorship, the bands will attend celebrity master classes conducted by some of K!s biggest names and friends in the music world, offering advice on topics as varied as how to handle the press and how to shred your guitar like a true rock star, plus the chance to be styled by a professional band stylist!

WOW!

Guys i think your music is pretty good. Although sometimes too much like The Offspring, i think one of your songs actually is the riff from an offspring song. But things like this inevitably end up backfiring. One simple rule i like to follow is, until you have something real to shout about people will just take the piss.

Cheers dude. Muchos appreciatos.

Although did Paul pay you to say that?

thank you.

100% positive feedback...

Well according to people of science who have managed to decipher the earliest known Old testament fragments the number 666 at some point was incorrectly translated and should in fact be 616.

random useless fact:

The way this number is thought to have been created is called gematria, where numbers are based on the numerical values of letters in people's names. Early Christians would use numbers to hide the identity of people who they were attacking: 616 refers to the Emperor Caligula.

But 616 doesn't appear to be a police code either, so I've really just stolen about 30 seconds of your life. Thanks Q.I you've turned me into 'one of them'.

Well, i guess it would be of more benefit if i leave feedback. I think you should find a band because i really don't think that backing tracks do music any justice. Other than allowing you to play on your own in a room they serve very little purpose, or your in a now split band who have fans that will pay to see just you and contracts preventing you hiring other members.

As a guitar peice i think its o.k although never really goes anywhere. Could do with vocals, i don't think that the guitar is technical enough to justify not singing as well.

Hope this hasn't discouraged you, but i really would advise trying out a band thing again as i doubt this on its own is enough for people to actively seek out your music.

ok cool well that's your opinion. And that's fine by me if you view it like replication. I know quite a few people in bands who have sounds that are clearly influenced by earlier music but i wouldn't say they are just copying.

so going back to the theme of the thread, judging by what you've said about your band, would you have rather had the chance to form a band in america during the 90's when the bands your influenced by were emerging?

This doesn't have to be purely concerned with a 'would i like to go back in time' debate it's also possible that people would like to be in a band now but don't think that Aberdeen is the right place. I can think of heaps of bands that wouldn't be given the time of day in Aberdeen but in other places would go down a storm.

Time gone by are always a bit more fashionable years later. Replicating the early 90's seems to be the current fad. Heck, maybe nu-metal will be the craze in about 2020.

What I was trying to find out is what era people would have liked to have existed as a musician in. I mean, come on, everyone has to admit that for whatever reason they like a certain type of music and that type of music had a heyday. Unless you only like modern music and have no historical background to examine, but even still most (not all, before the music nazi's jump down my throat) genre's had a peak on the back of which they are still either just existing or thriving.

And also your point about earliy 90's being replicated i don't think is right. I think most people who are in bands are influenced by the music they grew up with and that will show in the music they create later on. That's just how music progresses. I don't think people intentionally replicate what they listened to as a kid but it's just human nature to expand on your influences.

Anyone in a band who feels that they would have been more successful if they formed that band in a different era or place?

For example I would have loved to have formed a band in the late 80's/early90's New York hardcore era. Around the time that bands like Sick of it all, straight ahead, rest in peices, youth of today and agnostic front we're breaking through.

Just the energy and the spirit of being a part of something that people felt so strongly about. Right now it feels as if people couldn't really care less what your doing or attempting to create as everything has become so commercialised.

Reminds me of the H2o lyrics:

When it began, for those who don't know

it didn't matter how you looked or what you wore to a show

dress codes, FUCK NO! we didn't care

about the brand of your jeans and all that shit in your hair

But now the biggest part is all about the image and not the art

Fashion before passion!

And at nights, it makes me mad that I should have to ask:

What happened to the passion? (passion!)

What -happened to- the reason for screaming?

What happened the music and the message that I love?

What happened to the hard work? (hard work!)

And why does everybody look the same?

What happened the music and the message that I love?

So yeah, sorry if this ended up becoming a rant.

Do you feel the same way? If so what era/place do you wish you could have formed a band in?

55 views...no comments...indifference...my favorite emotion.

Just to add these tracks will be on our new E.P 'The Front Page' , alongside 3 other brand new tracks, which you can pre-order for 3 quid using the link to Big cartel on our myspace page.

Also if you wish to participate in the 'live experience' we shall be playing Cellar 35 7th of August with Escape Today and A Guy Called Guy.