Bowl O' Alpen

Apparently Frank McAvennie's been spotted in Arbroath. Someone told him there was a bit of fanny floating about...

Realise this is probably the wrong place to post this, blah blah blah...

But I was just having a browse of Ticketmaster and there's been last minute tickets released for tomorrow night's gig...and I just got 2!

So go quick! Right now!

Yes, that was hilarious in its awfulness. Car crash TV at its finest.

Pun intended!?!

Got a job with the Samaritans last week. Tried to phone in sick yesterday but they talked me out of it...

Iv'e had;

2 grey cars

2 blue cars

7 red cars

1 yellow car

1 bronze car

5 silver cars

2 black cars

They all had horse power...8-)

Mine had engine power...boom boom

Aww...I was after a bargain Rolex, but now feeling a bit disappointed.

I went for my 21st and fancied being a bit of a Flash Harry, so went for the Ferrari option. Have to say even though it was expensive, was worth every single penny (and there was quite a few of them).

You get there, you 'check in' and you sign something, the jist of which was 'if you die, it's your own fault'. Then you get sorted out with a helmet. I was kinda hoping for a full-on racing suit but alas, no. Then you go out for a few laps in a Seat Leon Cupra R, which isn't exactly a slouch when you're tearing along the back straight at 120mph, just to get a feel for the track and try and get used to when to brake, when to turn etc.. Then the first instructor guy took me round showing me what a good lap looks like (basically just really fucking quick) and then what a bad lap looks like (basically just really fucking scary). I kinda assumed there'd be more training for controlling a 350bhp car but no, they just told me to get in and wait for the next instructor mannie. Turns out he was some ex-racing driver but anyway... You get 5 or 6 laps depending on how fast you are and how good you are. There is like a dual-control brake thing but the guy said he only uses it if things are about to go seriously pear-shaped. Highlight had to be going 160mph in 5th and knowing that you could go 200 if you really wanted to...

I'm still smiling just thinking about it. That sounds a bit sad...

Get a Red Golf. They're so fucking 80s especially the 80s ones.

WOOP WOOP!!! STATING THE OBVIOUS ALERT!!!

I find it pretty hard to believe that Apple would be able to release and distribute iTunes with a 'Rip Music' function if it was illegal to do that... That's like saying 'Oh Windows has a new thing, press F12 eight times and your computer can see in the dark' and then not letting you it out. OK maybe not the best example but you get the point...

p.s. This is not a real trick for Windows. At least I don't think it is...

Hmm...sounds suspiciously like one of those "Well I've got a friend who's in this difficult situation and needs you, who has never met him, to give him some advice on what to do..." things which actually turns out to be thinly veiled attempt at trying to get out yourself of a sticky situation. Like when a guy at work told me about "his mate" who Veet-ed his arse (not just cheeks...) for the smooth look. And then proceeded to tell me the all the disadvantages of this hair growing back ("He couldn't sit down for weeks, it was all stubbly. Oh and it was really itchy"). The mind boggles...

I miss Jolly Ranchers... By that I mean the sweets and not some high-spirited cowboys.

So who is the guy who plays Barry Scott then? someone famous I don't recognise or just someone off the street?

It's some guy called Neil Burgess. He's supposedly an actor but I've not seen him in anything apart from one of ex-Westlifer Brian McFadden's music videos.

Don't worry...I cried when I found he wasn't real too.

edit: how ace is a thread about the pros and cons of household cleaners!?

Why's he suing them though? Is he garden some kinda secret?

Take That - Back For Good

Semisonic - Secret Smile

What's the bets you ended up just going for the 'massive wank' option?

Those good ol' newsreaders always love to show their funny/zany side so why not set up a Newsreader Battle Royale, with the winner getting to read all the news for the rest of eternity?

Well, they are when you have to carry a boot full of replacement parts which are swapped each and every day. So yes, the two are mutually exclusive. And I'm fed up of fucking pretend left-leaning fucking fuck-pipes telling me I shouldn't drive. Because the folk that pretend to be left-leaning fucking fuck-pipes who hate cars are invariably fucking Tories pretending they give a shit about anything. SO FUCK RIGHT OFF!

Incidentally, the car I drive incurs a congestion charge every time I drive it into the centre of London, despite the fact that it gets better miles to the gallon than a fucking Prius.

OK then...get a bike with a massive trailer. Problem solved...

I have no idea whatsoever...but I'd sure like to see them try.

Oh I'm going to hell...

Emm...true. Can't beat the whole 'falling over whilst attempting to maintain dignity' thing and it's funny to watch

TPBM has got a piercing

McFly - Five Colours In Her Hair

Yassss...

Didn't realise that bus-riding and engineering were so mutually exclusive...

Her new hair-do (or should I say lack thereof) makes her look a bit like Kurt Angle off of the WWF/WWE/wrestling...

Smashing Pumpkins - Blew Away

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Give It Away

First of all, I love the fact that Mardi Gras is literally translated as Fat Tuesday...

I often wonder what the manufacturer of 'Jif' lemon juice do for the other 364 days of the year when lemon juice is largely uncalled for. And it's the only day of the year I would ever consider buying flour.