Weirzbowski

I have just heard Bruce Gatsby is dead. Is this some kind of sick joke? Apparently he was involved in a helicopter accident in London over the weekend. Is this the truth, or is this a sick fucking joke?

I have to disagree with you there, Emperor Bokassa I. I was a session musician with Gatsby's band in the late 60's, and he snorted, injected, drank, fucked, robbed, and rocked as hard as the next guy. He is not as clean cut a figure as you might suggest. The artificial heart rumour is true, though, I saw Gatsby's flesh heart cleft from his living body 40 years ago in Tokyo, by a minor celebrity who shall remain nameless, and has since met their demise (in suspicious circumstances). Fortunately thanks to judicious medication, Gatsby did not die, and instead walked to the nearest hospital. Have you ever seen a man with no heart hike four miles through Shinjuku covered in his own arterial blood? I think emphatically not.

Well I enjoyed Broken Sunshine. They drove a wedge of joy into the mire of my misery. Go and and see them, and you to will be spiritually inflamed and made jubillant by those honourable young ladies. Keep repeating to yourself "15 years on the sex offender's register, 15 years on the sex offender's register" and you should be safe. Pervert.

The compilation is in fact so good that I was forced to accept that I will never hear anything better, and therefore was impelled to stick an icepick through both of my earholes, rendering me post-deaf. I don't want anymore music. Any more would be an insult.

Tonight, the wolf is loosed, the skullraven circles baying for man-blood and child-guts. The wolf's hatred blots out the sun, ushering in an icy winter of pain. The dead will rise and rape, the people they rape will rise and rape, until everybody is raped. This is it. I have no more to say.

Indeed, Gatsby is a legend. A high-powered fusion of folk wisdom and shrewd business sense make Gatsby one of the most respected producers in the industry. I for one desire to shake the meaty slabs of his hands and thank him for allowing all this magic to happen.