Swingin' Ryan

My Shit List...

Bon Jovi - hackneyed shite

Belle & Sebastian - poofy wankstain twee pishflap bobbins

U2 - fucking obnoxious Mick fakes

Simply Red - (see Belle & Sebastian)

Fratellis - football chants for tatooed, beer-swilling fuckwits

This fills three of my criteria for an awful post

1) Insults Belle and Sebastian

2) Compares Belle and Sebastian to Simply Fucking Red

3) Describes a band as being 'poofy'

I like the fact me writing about my hatred of Queen seems to have triggered a little advertisement pop-up on this thread for some digital radio they are clamping their sweaty, fetid legacy to.

I can't even insult Queen without Taylor and May sucking some benefit out of it like the Bland-Rock Vampires they are.

Queen.

Almost everyone in the world seems to disagree with me on this and think of Queen as some magnificent Rock and Roll experience who should be canonised to the heavens.

I think Queen are overblown, vacuous, flabby pointless virtuoso music. Yeh, I get Freddie Mercury was a great frontman but all the running about and 'Ayyy-Ohhing' in the world doesn't cover up the almighty festival of drudgery going on behind you.

I've said it before, Queen are the musical equivalent of a Circus. They might keep you amused for an hour or so but once you take down the Big-Top there's nothing left but hot dog wrappers, Elephant shit and a feeling of emptiness that will stay with you throughout the car journey home.

I'm not sure i fancy the lashings of a clarty slit slicked all over my smalls...

This sentence is almost poetic in its sheer disgustingness.

You couldn't make it up.

YouTube - Stewart Lee - Political Correctness - 41st Best Stand-Up ever

Thank you for reminding me just how good Stewart Lee is

what I don't understand is why you are posting on a website "wheres a head shop?", unless your new to smoking and think you require special papers or something

I've always managed to find something to use before having to resort to posting on a website asking where i can buy a bong

Maybe he required one of the many other things you tend to get in those kind of places, like a large poster of a mystical dragon, a fridge magnet of a 'Rasta Alien' smoking a joint or the sudden realisation that spending a weekend at Glastonbury would be the worst thing in the fucking world.

The first ten that spring to mind as my favourites would be....

Amelie

Ghost World

The Darjeeling Limited

Me and You and Everyone We Know

Grizzly Man

The Royal Tenenbaums

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Paris Je T'aime

In the Loop

Lord of the Rings trilogy (kind of have to count them as one)

I agree with this. An acheivement in mass scale production but mind numbingly boring.

I thought the LOTR trilogy was pretty spectacular stuff and I never really watch much 'blockbuster' stuff at all (despite having worked in a multiplex cinema for 3 and a half years!). I've never seen The Dark Knight or any of the other big-grossing action/superhero films because I tend to find they mainly just rely on flashy effects and explosions whereas LOTR had a great story at it's core IMO.

Camera Obscura - Barrowlands (both times they played this year)

My Bloody Valentine - Primavera

Slow Club - The Tunnels

Laura Marling - Ironworks

The Pains of Being Pure at Heart - Primavera

Gatechien - The Tunnels

This thread almost tempts me out of vegetarianism. In the last few years i have been getting more and more tempted to try meat seing my friends enjoyment at restaraunts eating things like slow cooked lamb ect.

Then i remember i have morals, and eating animals is wrong.

If it is a good steak you are after, in my opinion, you cannot beat The Prime Cuts, but I'm a bit biased working there and all! All our meat is 28 days matured, and so tender you won't ever need a steak knife! It is a bit pricey, but in my opinion compleyley worth it!

It only took you 6 months to go from a long-term moral vegetarian to a meat-eater who works in Prime Cuts?

I'm occasionally slightly tempted to go back to meat but thats a rather spectacular collapse!

I have never understood the level of sheer fury that gets directed towards the X-Factor.

It's a tv talent show where some people sing pop songs, somebody wins and they have a number one record at Christmas. Simple.

For some reason this seems to send every 'authentic' music fan into a fit of rage, near exploding at the very idea of the X-Factor and how it's some kind of representation of our consumer-driven society gone mad. It's just a programme on the telly about people trying to be pop stars, the world is not going to go mad with people shitting and raping in the streets and running into your room and burning your Radiohead vinyl while you're on Twitter.

I will however be downloading Sheena Easton's 'Modern Girl' 275,000 times on the week leading up to Christmas.

I can remember right back to when all this was just Aubl. Alot of it is just a haze though.

AUBL was brilliant, I can remember some amazing threads from those boards. I was Flamin' Ryan (unaware of the connotations 'flaming' had with message boards) in those days.

Talking of my username, I've just noticed someone appears to have registered under the name Lyin' Ryan. I don't know if this is coincidence or if it's in some way connected to me but I am interested to find out!

Good thread. My favourites so far have been Original Spies and TheTickingTimeBomb.

Here's my most recent proper lyrics.

Field Notes From the Precipice.

Now I'm in the snare, and my hind legs are trapped like a fox,

I bit down upon the leather strap and I took the shocks.

Weathered the pain as it coarsed through my veins, oh, the snapping and cracking of wires.

The smell of the smoke as it rose from my skin was like the cinders of churchyard Bonfires.

Once, I was a champion.

Oh their tongues, calloused tongues! Liars rasp that spits blood onto bedsheets and medical gowns.

Both the quick and the dead will be judged, it is said, by their sins when this tired ship goes down.

So I'll never trust fate because fate doesn't know if I'll pirouette into the sea,

and if the salty slate-grey of the ocean still calls, then the call remains only for me.

Oh salvation, damnation, divinity, luck, I have made no friend of you yet.

I still believe we are just hopeless beings clung to a rock in a constant descent,

But once, I was a champion.

Primavera.

Seconded. I generally hate festivals, I don't like mud or noise or most bands but Primavera is brilliant and the line-up this year is amazing (and you don't have to stay in a tent).

zombie munch is the most missed for me...

Agreed, although there can't be that many people left on here that remember Aberdeen Music in its Zombie Munch-era heyday.

Simple answer: you're from the future.

I'm already attending this 'ATP' shindig, but I'm pondering the Glasgow date as well. I just love them so much.

The ATP line-up is looking amazing. Other than Pavement, I'm looking forward to The Raincoats, Broken Social Scene, Fiery Furnaces and Mission of Burma a lot.

They've been announced as the headliners for Primavera as well, which means I'll be seeing double Pavement in May. They're playing another ludicrously good line-up with The Pixies, Wilco, Superchunk, Low and The New Pornographers.

I'll be bankrupt by summer.

This is the reaction Michael Mcintyre should get every time he steps onto a stage.

Just watched Fantabulosa, the BBC4 film biopic about Kenneth Williams and loved it. Michael Sheen is jawdroppingly good as always.

M. Ward-Hold Time

Ah! I forgot M.Ward. That'd definitely be in my top 5, I'm a fool.

Camera Obscura - My Maudlin Career

Noah and the Whale - The First Days of Spring

Slow Club - Yeah So

Manic Street Preachers - Journal for Plague Lovers

The Pains of Being Pure at Heart - The Pains of Being Pure at Heart

Alessi's Ark - Notes from the Treehouse

God Help The Girl - God Help The Girl

Polly Scattergood - Polly Scattergood

The Decemberists - The Hazards of Love

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - It's Blitz!

Although i did have you in mind along with a few others on this site as a hip scenester and obviously seen as though you seem to know the ins and outs of this i was at least half-way there...

Haha, what you've done is confused 'hip scenester' with 'really, really cool' which I definitely am I'd almost be flattered to be considered 'hip' if it didn't carry such horrible connotations of the Nathan Barley-esque wankery that's become alarmingly popular.

Anyway, I think if pushed for a top 10 it would be.......

1) Joanna Newsom - Ys

2) Camera Obscura - Lets Get Out Of This Country

3) The Concretes - The Concretes

4) Rilo Kiley - The Execution of All Things

5) Jens Lekman - Night Falls Over Kortedala

6) Beirut - The Flying Club Cup

7) Belle and Sebastian - The Life Pursuit

8) Goldfrapp - Felt Mountain

9) Isobel Campbell & Mark Lanegan - Ballad of The Broken Seas

10) Grandaddy - Sumday

I'm sure NME journo's don't even listen to music. They probably found some hip scenesters iPod and took the top 50 most listened to albums.

I don't know what your perception of 'hip scenester' is but I don't think most people I'd associate with that phrase (i.e the Vice magazine worshiping creeps of the 'blogosphere') would be caught dead listening to half that stuff. Can you imagine any self-respecting 'edgy' scenester listening to Muse and The Coral?

On the subject of the list itself, it's OK. Predictable and bland would be my two main complaints. Only a small fraction of those albums would make my top 50 though. I read NME fairly regularly, simply because I like music and I enjoy reading music journalism and it's the most frequent print music magazine we have. Some of the writing can be brilliant, a lot of it is utter shit just like most publications. Awful journalism can be as fun to read as good journalism.

I am glad that pub rocker cunt is gone, saucy haired bastard.

Yeh he was starting to bore the shit out of me, there's only so many times you can watch a man in his thirties bounce around to Virgin Radio's playlist. Stacey with her lovely big gums is still my favourite, but I miss Rachel and her Grace Jones meets Flock of Seagulls hair.

I can't understand why so many people hate the X-Factor passionately like it's the Nuremberg Rallies presented by Rose and Fred West. It's just a fucking singing competition on the telly.

I can't edit my post and 2 of my album pictures seem to have not worked, they were...

I'd also like to add

This isn't essentially a 'top 5', just the first five albums that spring to mind when I hear the phrase 'special albums'.

I'm aware it's a 'singles compilation' not an album, but I'm not losing it on technicalities!

I got a text from them whilst I was in town(managed to find a rescue number) at about 1.30 saying they had been released by the firemen, the lift stinks of shit and afterwards the one who pissed in the cider bottle was tricked into drinking out of the same bottle by a strategically timed switch.

I love the fact that despite spending the night trapped in a lift, he still decided to make his friends night even worse by making him drink his own piss. This is a truly spectacular thread.