GluteusMaximus

I saw a band in a club in town about three weeks ago (I can't remember the place..I think it was Drummonds), the lead thought that he was Jim Morrison, was flailing about the stage like he had a stoat down his trousers and proceeded to sing several Doors songs....unfortunately he didn't seem to know the words to the songs and was even singing a different song to the one the band was playing!!!!!

I caught the show @ The Venue, it was excellent. Made me search out and collect all his albums. A sad loss to real music.

I laughed out very loudly at the previous poster's joke and got a right roasting from the boss, joke was quality though.

I would put up a load of 70's and 80's funk but I don't know how to get the links to you tube up on here.

Fearne Cotton was a dirty lass,

I met her and she made a pass,

she gave a loud grunt as I fingered her cunt,

then shot my muck right up her ass!!

Eamon Andrews had a big red book,

In which he often had a good look,

but it wasn't anyone's Life,

it was all nude pics of his wife,

on her knees giving him a good sook!!!

Next - taking a sickie..

Next topic please, I've got loads 'cos I have no life!!!!!

In actually faked a heart attack in front of two of those begging bastards!!!! They shit themselves!!! Then I got up, dusted myself down and walked off into the distance...that seemed to work!!!

They weren't too amused by it though............which is a shame, 'cos I was!!!!!!!

3 lads jumped me the other day, but I still managed to knock one out.

Wasn't the best time to have a wank though I must say!

Stephen Biggs (Dr Franklin) is gone too.

I'll always remember Jeff Conaway as Zack Allen, never realised that he was in Grease (not a fave movie I'm afraid) though.

Did not know that Stephen Biggs was dead!! This was a shock, when did that happen and how did the poor guy go?

Yeah, you must be.

What classic old school funk from the 80s is worth checking out?

Apart from P-funk and Go Go i can't really think of much stuff tbh.

ConFunkShun, Cameo, Heatwave, Zapp, Kool & The Gang, The Bar-Kays, The Gap Band, The SOS Band etc. all had their biggest hits in the 80's.

The Minneapolis bands like Prince and The Revolution, The Time, Mazarati, Jesse Johnson's Revue, The Family, Madhouse, Vanity 6 were huge in that decade too.

Thanks to YouTube, I've found so much more 70's and 80's stuff that I've never heard but I do miss FOPP since it closed as it seemed to be the only shop in Aberdeen to cater for my sound as well as your more mainstream music.

The US were the true kings of flight,

with starships flying into the night,

but did one go doon,

on the face of the moon,

or was the landing a big pile of shite????

Next - clingy girlfriends

25 correct in 5.02 minutes - Simpson's geek!!!

Cheers folks, I'll get a few menus and teach him how to use the phone!!

I would probably be dead within a month.....

Folks have moved to Newmachar and me old man loves an Indian and a Chinese, any takeaways near them as I've had a drive around and couldn't find f***all??

It's just to save him phoning me to come out everytime the greedy bastard wants a curry!!

Listening to old Jimmy Hill,

used to sap all the life from my will,

with his wide inane grin,

and his monsterous chin,

he invoked a quite large urge to kill!!!!

Next: The Scheme

I've just learned that my girlfriend needs to tell me when her mates are round, so I don't get up with a hangover and totter into the living room in tatty shorts and with a quite substantial erection!!!!!

Steer well clear of the sequel series - The Golden Palace - where the four women try to run a hotel.....it was bollocks!!!!

The Golden Girls - about 4 older women (one posh type, her elderly mother, a sex crazed type and a thick type) who all share a house in Miami. Give the early seasons a try, it was superb, especially the old mother with the barbed wire tongue, her wicked one liners were comedy gold!!!

Dirty Harry

Taxi Driver

The Empire Strikes Back

Alien

The French Connection

Die Hard

Predator

I know that they're all ancient but compared with the pish that comes out these days, everyone's a classic that I could watch over and over......

Frasier

Cheers

Curb Your Enthusiasm

The Simpsons

Seinfeld

The Golden Girls

The 6 greatest US sitcoms ever!! (in my opinion anyway..)

Two and a Half men???? utter shite!!!!

Trumpy once tried to woo a young actress,

She was such a sultry and sexy enchantress,

But with all of his money,

he couldn't pull the young honey,

with a head like a fucking burst mattress!!!!

Next - Your boss

Jesus Christ!!!! That was too much and I only got to level 4!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got food poisoning from it once about 8 years ago, was puking and shitting for 3 days. Shit my pants on the first day. Wouldn't have set foot in the fucking place, good riddance to it.

The last time I was there, about 2 years ago, my daughter ended up with a right dose of the shits, I sent the pizza back twice as the first was half cooked and the next one was stone cold in the middle, we didn't get drink refills after repeatedly asking for them, the salad bar looked like it hadn't been refreshed for a month and the staff (especially the manager who I had a few choice words with) were braindead. Good riddance to the fekkin' place...it was shit!!

I'll stick with the classic Doctors up 'til Peter Davison, he was the last good Doc in my book although Sylvester McCoy had a couple of cracking stories before his tenure was up (Ghostlight, The Curse of Fenric). Sad though that Nicholas Courtney and Lis Sladen have now joined Hartnell, Troughton and Pertwee in the big blue Tardis in the sky. God rest them.

Never taken to the new shows at all (unless the (old style) Daleks are in them, love the Daleks) .