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The Ghost Of Fudge

i was just woken by some fucker standing over my bed while i slept

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..... my spider sense kicked in despite the fact i'd only been asleep for two hours when he switched on the light and it seared my retinas.

he said he was a workman, there to fix the back of the wardrobe at the request of the landlord.

i said fuck off, you just woke me up you fucking cunt, were you planning on removing all the boxes from off the top of the wardrobe? taking the clothes and stuff out of the wardrobe so it's actually possible to move the fucking thing? were you going to shift the bedroom furniture around? were you going to stand on my head - another fucking step would have done the trick?... perhaps try on my fucking underware, you fucking perv?

you say you're here to fix something that's not fucking broken, and the fucking landlord didn't even bother to warn anybody that you or your fucking clown suit existed?

he said he was a workman. we'll be eating his bloodied torso in drakes tonight, and his head (permanently distorted into a death mask of anguish) will be star prize in the fudge quiz.

no fucker wakes me up before 1pm and lives.

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How the hell did said workman get into your flat then? Isn't that slightly worrying in itself?

He could've made off with all the Fudge Awards voting slips and fixed the vote! Scandal!

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he got in with a fucking key. the cunt. he did bring a bed round though. i've been sleeping on the floor for the past two months. i just woke and moved from the bed. it's quite comfy. i believe it's the same bed ziggy fantastic used to sleep in, so if i get a rash, you'll know why.

as this is fudgenet, i can post what i like surely? no?

sam. rob. the pair of you are cunts. cunts, hear? cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunts.

time to do some work....

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sam. rob. the pair of you are cunts. cunts' date=' hear? cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunts.

time to do some work....[/quote']

We aim to displease, squire.

Work, eh? First time for everything I guess... But you do realise that rolling a J isn't work, right??

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arf. i'll have your heart with cheese on toast while you're still screaming for me to stop.

That would make quite a good promo shot. You realise it's somewhat black and manky though... Might taste alreet though.

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nope' date=' he didn't. some fucker just turned up in my bedroom while i slept. which would have been HIGHLY sus if my lovely girlfriend had been relaxing naked in bed...[/quote']

In which case I think you would have been well within your right to throw heavy objects at him. Or at least try.

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