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Football Manager 13


Adam Easy Wishes

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Last night I started my first proper rag to riches story in FM13.

I'm not going to stop till I take my team from the obscurity of bottom tier to the dizzinging heights of Premier League Football.

I've decided to pick Aberdeen-music favourites and all around good guys of Scottish Football.

Rangers_Football_Club-300x300.png

The only way your can redeem yourself is to run the club into the ground again. But, this time do it without cheating the tax payer.

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The only way your can redeem yourself is to run the club into the ground again. But, this time do it without cheating the tax payer.

The transfer budget I've just been given is crazy. For a club that couldn't settle a florist bill little over a year ago they've managed to pop 80k into the transfer fund! I keep getting messages about the clubs dire fiancial state. Hopefully shouldn't be too long till I'm back managing Queen of the South. 

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Not being able to buy any player ever with Bilbao has made me want to start a new game with the exact opposite philosophy, so with the help of some subtle database tweaking, I started 'Project: Obnoxiously Rich'.

 

Al Thani, the Qatari ruling house, has decided which club they will bankroll with their £12billion fortune, with the aim of world domination.

 

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Delio Rossi resigned upon the King of Qatar's aggressive takeover. The fans revolted with riots in the streets of Genoa. Bavarian born Big Bastard was appointed within 24 hours. Liguria rejoiced.

 

Bastard's first objective was to make waves for newly oil-rich Sampdoria. A transfer that says "Watch yo' backs"

 

kaka-i-belong-to-jesus1.jpg

 

Kaka belongs to Big Bastard, more like.

 

He didn't arrive alone. Gylfi Sigurdsson, Keisuke Honda and Alex Witsel followed shortly after, with Bastard plotting a swoop for a blockbuster striker before the window shuts. Robert Lewandowski is reportedly unhappy. Time to capitalise on his pain.

 

Pre-season is over. It was experimental at best. a 9-0 trumping of Empoli was followed by an 1-8 spanking at the hands of Valencia. The rest, score draws. Work to do.

 

Weaknesses:

One good centre back out of 6.

Kaka has hamstrings made of glass.

No strikers, yet.

 

Strengths:

3790056_o.gif

 

Top 8, or get beheaded, or whatever the Qataris do to those who betray them.

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Still at Everton.  Literally got knocked out of the semi-final of the Europa League with the last touch of the ball in the second leg, losing on away goals to Dortmund.  Jurgen Klopp then dissed me by saying he hates the style of football we play and doesn't think I'm cut out for management.  I cried a little.  I had to field a squad of 15 players due to injuries etc!  So sad. 

 

Didn't win a cup and came 9th in the league.  Still, semi-final in the Europa League kept the board satisfied.  I made the mistake of having a really small squad and signed to many youngsters to fill it out.  I've put all my new transfer budget into wages in order to sign some experience on free.  Mikel, Enrique, Tino Costa, Guaita and 6 ace youngsters in on frees as well as signing N'Zonzi (£7mm), Sidney Sam (£6mm) and Lukaku (£3mm); all absolute bargains.  Only lost Howard and Carrick to retirement too.  My squad is thick as shit now, with strength in depth.  Aint nobody gonna fuck wit' me.  Want to win a cup and finish in top 4.  Definitely achievable. 

 

I fucking love Football Manager. 

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Things going quite well at Schalke second season.  Top of the league after 14 games on goal difference with a game in hand over nearest rivals Stuttgart.  Even better just dicked Bayern 3-0 and seven clear of them.  Manager Frank De Boer keeps dissing me in the press but I don't respond... silly Dutchman, my lads did their talking on the pitch De Boer you knobend.

 

Qualified for knockout of champions league with a game to spare although those pesky French poofs Lyon, not content with knocking me out of last years competition with an injury time goal beat me home and away both deserved wins as well.  They appear to be becoming a bogey team.  Still can play a team of kids and moaning bench warms for my nothing final match against Panathanikos as finishing 2nd whatever the result.

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Sitting 3rd in Serie A with newly stinking-rich Sampdoria as the end of the season draws nearer. Juventus have won the title already and it's only the end of March. They are something like 26 points clear of Inter in 2nd. Juventus have only lost twice all season, and both of those games were against Bastard's Sampdoria. Have it! 4th place Lazio are 2 points behind me with 2 games in hand, so I could miss out on 3rd.

 

My midfield 3 of Witsel, Romulo and Pedro Obiang is formidable, often dominating possession, but my defence is leaky, and I don't have an all out striker. Nemanja Vidic's agent was touting him about in January, so I swooped in and got him for £18million, though United originally wanted £45. Idiots. He shored things up a little, but one good defender out of 4 isn't too good.

 

Brought in Jovetic to try and score some more goals, but he just can't score, though he's got about 12 assists in 12 games to be fair. Behind him I've got Sigurdsson and Kaka, the former is a machine, the latter hasn't quite worked out, but is still better than Honda, who was a total panic buy. He's shite. Don't buy Honda.

 

In January, I found it difficult to buy a striker who is a capable goalscorer. No one will even talk to me, and Jovetic plays much better behind the striker, so I've started playing him alongside Sigurdsson as an alternative to Kaka, and Eder up top, who is my top scorer, despite not being all that good, and also primarily a winger. Fast with good finishing though, can't complain.

 

Got knocked out of the Cup by Juve in the first round, so it'll be a trophyless finish, but Champions League qualification would be great, and will perhaps help entice a good striker.

 

It's a fun gig, with all the cash, scouting superstars. This must be how Mancini feels.

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beat Barca at home 3-1 in champs league 1st knockout round, reckon that late away goal from the Spaniards might come back to haunt.  Just lost my first league game in 20 away at Dortmund, still 9 points clear with 9 games to go, the away trip to Bayern my nearest rivals is coming up soon...

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I won against Brighton in the capital 1 cup with 8 men on the pitch; 2 red cards and an injured goalkeeper in the last 20 minutes of normal time.  I didn't have any more subbies so put Jose Enrique in goals for the last 5 minutes of normal time and extra time.  He kept a clean sheet and saved a penalty!

 

Straight after the game, my assistant - Dejan Stankovich - says "Jose Enrique is concerned".  I talk to him and he's upset that I the position he played was not his strongest!  I disagreed! 

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I pinched 3rd, qualifying for the Champions League, after beating Lazio on the last day of the season. Anything less than a win and I'd have finished 4th. Heroic. Losing 1-0 at half time. I go mental at the lot of them, then haul off Witsel the big fucking waste of carbon, and punt on a slightly fatigued Sigurdsson, and he wellies in a brace of 25 yarders. He's a machine. He will be captain next season, because he's the fucking boss.

 

Summer was a right laugh. Daft transfer kitty from the madcap Qataris. Punted a bunch of shitters out. Broke the bank a little for the bleedin' excellent Javier Pastore. Also brought in Dutch muscle Kevin Strootman, hotly tipped Angelo Ogbonna, Swiss poacher Haris Seferovic, and the German-Wall Ter Stegen to mind the goal. Got some French regen wonderkid for a couple of million too. Kid is fast as shit.

 

I also got Paul Pogba on the day before the end of the transfer window, claiming he was unhappy at Juventus. Great, I thought. Managed to nick him for only £8million. The lad is just a mardy cunt. If I praise him, he gets in a piss. If I slate his performance, he gets in a piss. If I say "Fucking mint win, lads!" he gets in a piss. If I tear them all a new arsehole for letting a 3-0 win slip at home to Livorno to draw 3-3, he gets in a piss. His morale is constantly "abysmal". On the pitch he "looks complacent". Total wanker. Best I can hope for is Vidic to kick him in half during training, for a small taste of reality.

 

I don't feel I can get through to him with the current namby pamby team-talks on offer. Football Manager 2014 will hopefully have an optional Neil Warnock add-on pack, where you can add classic Warnock gems to your team talks, such as "If tha dun't score in t'second half, I'll break ya fucking neck, I'll tell ya that for nowt" and "Tha better be off for an early bath, cuz if tha's in there when I am, I'll fuckin' drown ya".

 

As it stands, I feel like Brendan Rodgers at full time, when he's probably going "It's alright lads, We lost at home to the worst Aston Villa side of all time, but we had 58% possession, and hit the bar twice. That's better than a win. That's better than the Champions League trophy. Pizza is on me". Soft.

 

Not worry. Captain Gylfi will lead us to glory.

Gylfi-Sigurdsson.jpg

Edited by Joda Serk
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I had Gylfi at Manyoo in the last version.  Consistently top scorer from central midfield, not even attacking mid, proper centre mid.  He plays centre-forward at spurs in my game and rinses every defence.  Well, he doesn't have to rinse defences, coz he can score from 40 yards. 

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I had Gylfi at Manyoo in the last version.  Consistently top scorer from central midfield, not even attacking mid, proper centre mid.  He plays centre-forward at spurs in my game and rinses every defence.  Well, he doesn't have to rinse defences, coz he can score from 40 yards. 

 

What player role?

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I played him as an Advanced Playmaker, attack.  Encouraging him to take long shots "often", and didn't make him defend or close down much at all.  Played a 4-4-2, with him next to Fletcher or Inler as a BWM.  Played him in the same position in a 4-2-3-1 as well, with Jovetic in the hole.  My team was silly good, tbf.  He makes a good DLF at the head of an attack also. 

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Out of nowhere before I'd even got my budget for the new season Real Madrid came calling for my services.... yeah why the fuck not I thought.  50k a week in wages and a cool 93 million to spend.  No pressure though expected to win everything in sight of course.  The Schalke fans were not too happy when I poached a reserve keeper and left midfielder from them, bought a couple of players from Man Utd.  Still loads in the bank but the squad is in pretty good shape and shipped out some dead wood.  

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Got sacked by Everton. The first time I've been sacked since my first play through of the FM series in 2008. In fact, the first time I've done really badly. In two and a half seasons I got them a capital one cup, into the semis of the Europe League (where I was knocked out with the last kick of the game) and 8 games into my 3rd full season, I'm sitting in 9th and get sacked! Seemed pretty harsh, but I'd lost the dressing room and players kept speaking out about my terrible team talks and moaning about their training workload. In hindsight, I went about things all wrong.

 

I waited until the end of the season to take a new job, after unsuccessful applications for Newcastle, Swansea and WBA. I took over at Nottingham Forest with 5 games to go in the season. They were sitting in 22nd and were about to get relegated. They didn't have a goalkeeper, which was problematic; they had 16 year old boy wearing the number 1 jersey, who wasn't even good and has since been released. Still managed to win all 5 games which shot us up to 15th overall.

 

I was given no extra funds to sign players, but complained to the board and got some wages to play with. Brought in a bunch of really good youngsters to go straight into the first team as well as goalkeepers Doni and Marek Stech and right back Stephan Lichtensteainer. Currently 1st in the championship after 8 games with 6 wins, a draw and a loss. It's time to prove my worth! :cool:

 

I've been playing a physical, defensive 4-1-3-2 which seems to work a treat. Winning everything 1-0 or 2-0 and have only conceded 4 goals (3 of which were in a 3-0 loss to Cardiff. I was experimenting...)

 

I'm quite glad I got the sack, to be honest. Makes the whole experience a lot more realistic!

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15 games into the season and joint top with Barca predictably, only lost three games all season and one of them was in the el classico meaning I have to get a result when I play them at home.  Breezed through my champions league group and drawn my old employers Schalke in first knockout round.  Should be tasty. 

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That annoying little twerp AVB - now manager of Barcelona - kept mouthing off in the press but I stood firm and said nothing.  My boys did the talking on the pitch and we fucked them over 3-1 which means should the teams finish level come the end of the season I'll finish above them as they only beat me 2-1 at their place.  So with 12 games to go am 4 points clear with a game in hand as Barca been dropping points to the likes of Getafe whilst I am on a 12 game winning streak in the league.

 

Ok so its quite easy to assemble a fantastic squad at Real Madrid given their resources but its still a challenge to win the league from Barca and the Champions League and I quite fancy overhauling Sir Alex's points tally so reckon I'll stick with them for a while...

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I'm currently in the middle of the 2015/2016 season with Queen of the South. Managed back to back promotions from SD2 to SD1 to SPL in my first two years in charge fairly easily. Things got difficult when I reached the dizzing heights of the SPL. We got pumped more times than a stripper at Wayne Rooneys birthday party. Finished with only 6 wins. Torrid. I'm now back in SD1 but strangely the board have given me much more significant wage and transfer budgets to play with. With the cash I've bolstered my squad and we are currently cunting through the Scottish cup. Through to the semi finals in which I'll be playing Motherwell, beating Rangers, Celtic and Ross County to get there. 

The only player I recognise in my squad is former Rangers and Hearts midfielder David Templeton. Never heard of any of the rest of my squad. I had Alan Maybury who did a loan stint at Aberdeen 07/08 but he retired at the end of last season, he's now the manager of Cylde. 

 

Some of the stuff that happens in FM is crazy. Neymar just signed a contract at Birmingham after going an entire season without a club after he was released by Santos. Tried signing him to the Queens but he didn't want to sign for a smaller club. You don't have a club you big dick. Elsewhere Rooney is off to Porto and Berbatov is back at Man U. Fergie left and is now the manager of Liverpool. Ally McCoist is manager at Dundee. Arsne Wenger is now the French National team manager. Torres plays for PSV and Welbeck now plays for Inter Milan.

Mental.

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I'm currently in the middle of the 2015/2016 season with Queen of the South. Managed back to back promotions from SD2 to SD1 to SPL in my first two years in charge fairly easily. Things got difficult when I reached the dizzing heights of the SPL. We got pumped more times than a stripper at Wayne Rooneys birthday party. Finished with only 6 wins. Torrid. I'm now back in SD1 but strangely the board have given me much more significant wage and transfer budgets to play with. With the cash I've bolstered my squad and we are currently cunting through the Scottish cup. Through to the semi finals in which I'll be playing Motherwell, beating Rangers, Celtic and Ross County to get there. 

The only player I recognise in my squad is former Rangers and Hearts midfielder David Templeton. Never heard of any of the rest of my squad. I had Alan Maybury who did a loan stint at Aberdeen 07/08 but he retired at the end of last season, he's now the manager of Cylde. 

 

Some of the stuff that happens in FM is crazy. Neymar just signed a contract at Birmingham after going an entire season without a club after he was released by Santos. Tried signing him to the Queens but he didn't want to sign for a smaller club. You don't have a club you big dick. Elsewhere Rooney is off to Porto and Berbatov is back at Man U. Fergie left and is now the manager of Liverpool. Ally McCoist is manager at Dundee. Arsne Wenger is now the French National team manager. Torres plays for PSV and Welbeck now plays for Inter Milan.

Mental.

 

Is this FM13?

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