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Football Manager 2012


Soda Jerk
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I'm bored. Need a challenge/game suggestion. Tell me what to do!

Athletic Bilbao. Sign nobody. Trust in the kids. And Llorente's head.

Dortmund. Gazump Bayern by any means necessary. Bayern seem to win it all every year by miles and miles in my games. STOP THEM!

Everton. Finish above Liverpool on shoestring budget. Don't go bust or get relegated.

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Carried on as Wehen Wiesbaden. Finished the season in 5th, just scraping into the Europa League. Before I resigned originally, you may remember I got taken over by rich lunatics throwing money at me, so I signed awesome hard bastards like Marchisio and Muntari. I've got a "warchest" of £60million for this summer. Signed some Brazillian wonderkid full back called Tiaguinho for £22million. Ridiculous stats. Also signed Ryan Shawcross, who has somehow become the best centre back on earth, and Toby Alderweireld from mega rich Malaga. That, on top of Naldo, Flores and Kalas, my defence should be pretty solid now. Scored a fuckload of goals last season but conceded only 10 fewer than I scored. Ungood.

Promoted Clarence Seedorf to my assistant manager. Big Bastard and Big Clarence on the sidelines? Has there ever been a more frightening dugout?

Brought in Ryan Giggs, Didier Drogba, Nwankwo Kanu and and Carles Puyol as coaches too. Next season subjective is to kick the fuck out of every cunt.

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Juventus are fucking me off already. I can dominate Valencia 4-0 in the Champions League, beat Milan 2-0 at the San Siro then get utterly taken apart and beat 3-1 at home by Bologna. My backroom staff are supposed to be all world class, yet none of them can give me any useful pre-match advice re: formations, tactics etc so I'm just taking a stab in the dark a lot of the time. They're all getting punted soon.

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My Man U team are just ridiculous. I've won the last three games 8-0 (Apoel in Champions League), 0-5 (Norwich in league) and 6-1 (lolerpool in the F.A cup). I'm sitting top of the league bu 10 points, with two games more to play than Arsenal in 2nd place. I've already beaten City home and away, 3-0 both times. My team is De Gea; Rafael, Jones, Vertonghen, Criscito; Valencia, Fletcher, Montillo, Nani; Jovetic, Rooney. My bench: ter Stegen, Kyle Walker, Smalling, Hoilett, Gourcouf, Niang and Hernandez. Story is cool bro. I've still got guys like Evra, Berbatov and Vidic kicking about, who are all about 50, but still amazing. Berbatov comes on once in a while and usually scores a hat-trick. It's just not fun any more. I've expressed interest in The Dons job, but their not willing to punt Malky Mackay for me, even though they're squandering around 11th. I'm being such a cunt to all my players, staff and the media now. It's great.

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Signed a fat and old Frank Lampard for Man United on a free after he was released by Chelsea. He's nearly 38 and very fat, but he's absolutely ripped up pre season. He's only on £8k a week. Good business.

I won everything again last season. Without really trying. I just used one tactic for every match (rotating players) and won just about every match I was involved in. Time to focus on youth, and Frank Lampard. I let Vidic go to Juventus on a free, Berbatov retired from the game completely - he hates football - and sold Ashley Young to Spurs for £1m. He's shite. Brought in Frank Lampard. 38. Fat. £8k a week. Fletcher, Montillo, Gourcuff, Pogba, Bertolacci, Inler, Jones and Labyad better watch out. I have a plethora of central midfielders. I have a plethora of players, in all honesty. I still have Macheda, for fuck's sake.

My team will look something like this:

frank-lampard-man-utd.jpg

I might just sabotage everything by playing Frank Lampard in every match and get sacked.

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  • 2 months later...
Juventus are fucking me off already. I can dominate Valencia 4-0 in the Champions League, beat Milan 2-0 at the San Siro then get utterly taken apart and beat 3-1 at home by Bologna. My backroom staff are supposed to be all world class, yet none of them can give me any useful pre-match advice re: formations, tactics etc so I'm just taking a stab in the dark a lot of the time. They're all getting punted soon.

Replying to quite an old post here, but yeah, it takes a while for even the best staff to gain knowledge of your league. This proved fucking annoying in my game too.

A high level for adaptability or a high knowledge of Italy will do the business.

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Started one last blow-out on FM12 before 13 comes out.

real-madrid-super-cup-celeb.jpg

Real Madrid. Should be the easiest jaunt imaginable. I get a transfer budget of £90million. I spent all that. They gave me more. Good lads. Probably robbed it from the King of Spain. Thought it would be fun to manage Ronaldo. I also made a £168million bid for Messi on my first day as boss. Barca accepted. Messi didn't wan't to talk. Little cunt. I hope Pepe breaks his fucking neck.

Brought in Neymar, Edison Cavani, Javier Hernandez, Carlos Tevez and a couple of Spanish defenders who I've never heard of but look pretty good. I've got so many strikers. GOALS!

Man City rejected my £98million bid for Yaya Toure. Tossers. Bayern won't sell me Thomas Muller for £78million. I just couldn't buy a galactico midfielder whilst the window was open, so I'm stuck with Xabi, Ozil, Khedira, Diarra and Kaka. Nobodies. I did a transfer update, but it only seems to have done the Premier League, so I don't have Modric. Maybe I'll buy him for £100million.

10 games in. Won them all. Conceded 3. Easy.

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I'm in to February. Haven't lost a game. Drew with Barca at home and Bilbao away. Won the rest. Top of the league by 9 points. Topped my CL group with a 100% record. I'm essentially playing 4-2-4. It looks like 4-2-3-1, but everyone in that front 4 is essentially a striker.

Casillas

Ramos, Pepe, Varane, Marcelo

Alonso, Kaka

Cavani, Neymar, Ronaldo

Tevez

My god, what a team of utter dislikeable tossers. Xabi Alonso used to be a nice guy, but I've made him a bit menacing. I just max out his defensive duties, so he goes in to challenges hard and kicks folk in half. Hes been sent off 3 times and also injured Javi Martinez and Mascherano. BOOT!

I've got Khedira, Sahin and Diarra rotating in that middle 2. I usually play Sahin when I'm against a team in the top 4 or 5, as he's a bit more defensively astute than Kaka, who has scored 8 from deep lying midfield already. I've also got Ozil who I often play in the middle of that front 4, pushing Neymar onto the left and moving Ronaldo up top. I've got Hernandez rotating with Tevez too. Ridiculous pace.

I'm not even trying. Same tactic. Same team talk. Bit of rotation. Always win. If I bid for a player and there's not enough cash, Perez takes over the talks and just makes it happen anyway. Pretty sure I could bid £130million for John O'Shea, and he would make it so. Lunatic.

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