Football Manager 2012

[Murrr]

I trawl the shit out of the search screen, basically. I knew Stevanovic, Loran and Scorza from earlier games, the others just appeared in the search and looked like decent options. Position by position, I go through the free agents list with a fine-toothed comb. Takes ages but it's productive.

[Scootray]

After buying this last week, I started to manage Leeds but got immediately frustrated 'cos they were shite. So, quit that game after a couple months and began my new managerial career. I'm currently with Melbourne Victory FC of Australia (obv), doing a pretty good job. They've got annoying rules in the league though, such as only 5 foreign players, a league salary cap, only a certain amount of old players registered within the squad, you can't buy/sell or loan players with the other teams in the leagues. This makes it very hard to shift anyone unless you terminate their contract or let it run out. I got a transfer budget of 98k. I'm the only team in the league not to have spent a penny on transfers, just gone for frees or utilised my youth squad. I terminated all my staff and recruited much better, bar Kevin Muscat as Assistant Manager, but I let his contract just run out during my second season and employed better.

First season in charge, I came 2nd in the league, but the top 6 (out of 8) teams take part in a "Finals" and I managed to win that. That got me into the Asian Champions league group stages which has only just begun near the end of my second season. Currently in 2nd place (out of 4) in the group stages with another 2 games to play. The board aren't too fussed if I get anywhere in it though as they want me just to get experience. My best player Hernandez wouldn't sign a new contact and I'm only allowed to pay maximum 3.1k in wages so he left on a free to Valenciannes. His agent now has a note "Dick" which says "Total dick with negotiations". Of course the fans weren't happy about it, but they've been pretty pleased with my other signings, which I'll maybe post up when I'm back on the PC I have it on. Most notable is my 25ish year old Brazilian striker Junior. Goal Machine.

Anyway, second season, a 2.98M transfer budget some more new signings and I've won the league this time round whilst juggling some Champions League football near the end of the season. I don't think the Australian league is suited for this due to the small squad restrictions and the fact you only start playing group stages near the end of the season. I've been hit chronically by injuries this season, but still managing...just. It's giving me a chance to use some of the youth players though. Harry Kewell gets paid 19k a week to sit on my treatment bench. Cunt. He was there when I arrived and said he was retiring at the end of the season but I'm into my 2nd season and he's still there. Now his info page says he's not retiring til next year. I offered him a mutual termination, but he wasn't having that either. Cunt. About to start my first game of the "Finals" again, so here's hoping I can bring it home again.

[Murrr]

Australian league is mintal. It's so damn short, something like 18 games if you don't make the championship round and 19-24 if you do? I did a Newcastle United Jets game a few years ago and was turbo-shit. That's what I get for putting all my hopes into Michael Bridges, I suppose.

[Scootray]

27 games then an extra 2-3 for the finals.

I get the biggest attendences averaging 25k per game which is 82% capacity. The next biggest in the league is about 11k. Aiming for some sell-out games which should come with the champs league football. The annoying thing is that that I'm paying 1M in rent every year for the place, so I'd eventually like the club to buy it or build a new one.

[Soda Jerk]

Murrr is the best Football Manager manager. You should do a blog. I would read it, and I think Fox would too. 2 readers.

Is your formation named NO BALL FOR YOU? Amazing. I think naming my formations is my favourite part of the game. I imagine myself shouting the formation names from the touchline as I shift everyone around. I've currently got SWEEP AND DESTROY and THE FUCKEST UPPEST. The latter is when I play with a back two and a frontline of four. That's for when a goal storm is forecasted. It rains and pours goals. Not even McClarens brolly would withstand the goal storm. Gave some minions some proper shunts up the arse with that. I swap to it at half time when I realise a team has got no game. Fuckest Uppest.

[Murrr]

Aye, I have NO BALL FOR YOU and NO BALL FOR YOU II, which is a tad more adventurous than the first. I've had >50% possession in all games so far, usually average about 60%-ish and even had 72% in one cup game. We don't score massive amounts but that's the whole point. Win by control.

I love giving my tactics mad names. I also have "I'd Smash It" (Pulisian long-ball hard-nut system) and "Swan fucking Lake" (so tippy-tappy it's basically ballet) archived.

[Soda Jerk]

Just noticed you've got Philipp Degen in your ranks. Times really must be tough, though props to him for taking a step down. He's a tried and tested wage collector. Can't believe he's only played about 20-odd games in 4 years in real, non FM life. He's the exact polar-opposite of his brother David, who is actually a good, laborious footballer.

[Murrr]

Yeah, he's a good WB for my team (decent passing/physical stats) and he didn't want too much money. I assume that's because he's always bloody injured. He's got 1 (!) for Natural Fitness but he's holding-up well having built his match fitness up. Him and ex-Blackpool/Sheffield United man David Carney have been two of my best players thus far.

[Soda Jerk]

I didn't know he was out all the time because of injury. I thought he was just shit.

[Murrr]

Shit and injured. Shinjured, if you will.

[Soda Jerk]

It's time. It's time for BIG BASTARD's difficult second season with SV Wehen Weisbaden. The best fans in the world are coming to your shitpot town to kick your homeless junkies into a water fountain and to drop a footballing bomb on your toilet ground.

The lads:

I'm pretty sure the banner says: BIG BASTARD'S FOOT UP YOUR FUCKING ARSE.

I laid down the gauntlet to the chairman. I stormed into the boardroom, bollock naked, and told that Bratwurst munching fuckpile that I can make Wehen Weisbaden a footballing powerhouse. No longer will people speak of the "Barcelona way". They'll say "Arsenal are really making a BIG BASTARD of this" as they stroke the ball around and smash goals in mercilessly. Where to start? The "best league in the world" according to Gray and Keysy. Pre-season tour of the Premier League. I'm going to twat the lot of them. "Done" they said. The big boys didn't wanna play though. Through fear of being kicked about like a set of Wendys I imagine, so I had to settle for United, Chelsea, and City reserves. Got the real deal on a few "lesser" teams though.

3 wins. 3 draws. I'll take that for a newly promoted minnow from the toilet-level of German football, where only half of the teams in the division are even a full-time football club. Shove that up your Jacksy, Sky Sports. I'll be coming for you next, Redknapp, you skinny-tie wearing tosser. Your Dad can go fuck himself n'all.

I sacked off the sweeper formation. I realised I don't need to defend my goal so adamantly since my attack is the footballing equivalent of having your entire village destroyed by a tank the size of a town hall. I'm toying with this now. I call it THE SPEAR.

Some might say it is a basic 3-4-2-1, or even a variation of 3-4-3. No. It's 3-7. 3 defenders. 7 goal smashing, centre back crippling, fullback twatting hard cases. It stood up to Premier League nancy boys, so I'm pretty sure it can wallop the fuck out The Elephant Man Frank Ribery's Bayern Munchen. We'll see.

Still no money to spend, mind, even though I'm apparently steering the ship of the 79th richest club in the world. Where's the brass, lads? Not to worry. I brought in Turkish poacher Salem Yesil for free. His stats are shit other than pace and finishing, like an Eastern European Chicharito, but not as soft as that likeable Hispanic. Keep your sportsmanship to yourself, you big fucking girl.

After I gave Aston Villa a good hiding on the pre-season world domination preview, I gathered the lads together and gave a rousing team talk to end all team talks. It was heroic. Everyone's eyes lit up like I was fucking Jesus. Except for one problem child. One little fucking cunt...

Fuming. Completely and utterly.

There's one thing I don't do; Fuck about. Didn't even let him clear out his locker. I'll FedEx him his shit, burned to a cinder in a carrier bag. Bye. Weisbaden marches on.

Tell you what stings though, a few pages back when I said all my youths had been released without warning. Here's one of the little toerag traitor cunts:

The fuck? THE FUCK? Look at all those blue numbers. How the fuck did he come out of the glorified shed we call the "Wehen Youth Academy"? And why the fuck didn't we direct the salary of everyone at the club straight to him, to keep him? Not only that...

A 17 year old football virtuoso now being made captain of the national team. I feel like how Howard Wilkinson must've felt when he flogged Cantona for a measly 1million. Except worse, since I let him go for nothing, and now he is buttfucking world football as we know it at an age where he's not even old enough to drink a lager. The minky little cunt. I hope he David Busst's his career.

WEHEN!

[Murrr]

Superb return to form from Soda Jerk there.

It's winter break time here in Italy.

As you can see I'm something of a wizard. I'd be second in the league if it weren't for that pesky points deduction. If I miss out on promotion or a playoff place because of it I'm going to send a strongly-worded letter to the Italian tax authorities. I don't care if we missed a payment, you dicks.

I don't really concede goals. Best defence in the league, and it'd be even better if I hadn't lost 4-0 to Torino early on. That's alright though, because Torino are clearly ace. 8 points ahead! Christ.

We're not exactly prolific. We win a lot of games by one goal, and my starting centre forward has 4 goals. We're just really good at strangling the game and not letting the opposition anywhere near the ball. I'm not sure how long it'll be before teams start figuring my tactics out, but I'm dead pleased. There really isn't much in it between us and 2nd, so that's my goal. Promotion via finishing as runners-up or the playoffs at the very least.

My top boy:-

Finishing: 8. He clearly isn't a striker. I've been playing him on the right wing (and re-training him in that position) all season, but his position still hasn't changed. Weird. Either way, 12 assists and 4 goals in 19 and he's as quick as a fox. Free transfer at the start of the season as well.

Time to clean-up some of the shit. I've got a couple of grumpy players badgering me for games and they're gonna be punted in the January window. Ideally I'd like to bring another striker in as Corradi and Ishiaku (Nigerian free agent) aren't exactly banging them in, but I dunno. The board have just plashed out £950k on improving our pitiful training facilities so they're probably not gonna be up for dropping a wad on a new goal-getter.

Forza Stabia.

[Murrr]

I love it when a bigger club fires the manager and you're linked with the post. Bari just punted their boy and I was the leading candidate. I was like...

... and now my job status is "untouchable". Yas.

Silly Bari, you're 12th. Take your stupid 60k capacity stadium and shove it up your chuff.

[Soda Jerk]

Winter breaks are a dick, and take forever. I usually holiday through it, though last time I did that I came back to a squad short of two players. I set it to reject all offers, but the board sold them anyway. Fuming I was. David Beckham fuming.

[Soda Jerk]

I love it when a bigger club fires the manager and you're linked with the post. Bari just punted their boy and I was the leading candidate. I was like...

... and now my job status is "untouchable". Yas.

Silly Bari, you're 12th. Take your stupid 60k capacity stadium and shove it up your chuff.

Yes! I like to be a bastard. I hope to build up a bit of a villain reputation, like Mourinho. As soon as a manager is sacked, I talk to the press about them and slag them off. It makes me feel well hard, ragging on the unemployed from my executive box in my $1300 suit. COME ON!

[Captain America]

I take it back, the Arsenal board must love me. My wonder kid I bought for half my transfer budget is physically ready for the EPL so I'm loaning him out and RVP got injured so I was lacking cover up front right at the start of the season. I notice Rossi is in the press demanding to leave Villareal. I only have 12million quid left transfer budget and Villareal counter with a 35 million bid. I storm up to Stan and demand Rossi. He folds. Glory days at the Emirates.

[Lemonade]

I got offered the Brazil job on the eve of the world cup. I didn't even have to apply, they just offered it to me. Thing is, I gloriously led Scotland to qualification for the world cup by smashing the absolute bollocks off of Poland in the play-offs. Think I'm going to take over at that bunch of tippy-tappying nonces on the eve of the World Cup when I've got Christophe Berra, Scott Brown and David Clarkson to lead on the path to becoming footballing legends?

[Moose]

Yes! I like to be a bastard. I hope to build up a bit of a villain reputation, like Mourinho. As soon as a manager is sacked, I talk to the press about them and slag them off. It makes me feel well hard, ragging on the unemployed from my executive box in my $1300 suit. COME ON!

[soundian]

I've just found out the start of my new job has been put back two weeks.

That's two weeks with nothing to do except play football manager and occasionally venture out in to real-life to get some supplies.

Back of the net!

[Lemonade]

Well this was a surprise:

I was expecting to go out in the second round.

[Adam Easy Wishes]

What was your team in the final?

[Lemonade]

Here's the story of my World Cup.

Preparation:

I took a bit of a risk when selecting my squad for the tourney. I'd used a tried and tested 4-4-2 diamond throughout qualifying, which served me very well, I only lost one match, and smashed Poland in the playoff. Only problem was, Scotland do not have an abundance of natural DM and AMC players, and as such I'd been forced to call up average players to play in those positions (Mark Kerr ffs!), while good MC players like Darren Fletcher and Kevin Thomson weren't getting a game. So despite the boys having never played flat 4-4-2 under me, I decided to go with that for the tournament, the concern being that they'd take a few games to get used to the new system. As you only get 23 players in the World Cup as well, there was no scope for contingency, so I just went with it.

This did mean that I couldn't call up my captain, Gary Caldwell, so I handed the armband to Darren Fletcher.

Starting XI for World Cup 2014 (keep in mind I'm playing FM2010).

GK - Craig Gordon

DR - Alan Hutton

DC - Alex Pearce

DC - Chrstophe Berra

DL - Brian Easton

MR - Scott Brown

MC - Darren Fletcher

MC - Graham Dorrans

ML - James McFadden

ST - John Fleck

ST - Steven Fletcher

First Round

Game 1 - Scotland v Saudi Arabia

With Brazil having already put three points on the board earlier in the day, I wanted a victory here to keep in touch with them. The media were expecting a close-faught affair that could go either way with a draw the most likely result, but come on, it's Saudi Arabia. I was hoping for a win. After a very cagey first half in which both teams carved out several chances we went in at 0-0 at half time. I was close to pressing the panic button and changing back to the 4-4-2 diamond at half time with Dorrans at DMC and Brown and AMC but I decided to stick it out until 60 minutes. Finally on 54 minutes, Fleck picked up the ball on the half way line, played it wide to S Fletcher and ran straight throught the defence. Fletcher played him in with a lovely through ball and wham. Top corner from the edge of the box and we're ahead. Take that world! Kris Boyd came off the bench to tap home a through ball from Dorrans in 76 minutes and that's the first 3 points on the board.

Full time Scotland 2 - 0 Saudia Arabia

Game 2 - Scotland v New Zealand

I knew 3 points in this would send me through to the second round without having to worry about getting anything against Brazil so I was determined to win this one. Set the stall out to attack from the outset and let them do their thing. Also drop McFadden to the bench and put 19 year old Stewart Holt on the wing. He's only 19 but he's scored 19 goals for Aberdeen from the wing this season. I think he's ready. What a start we make. Fleck and S Fletcher kick off. Fleck runs through the defence, takes a shot which the keeper parries and S Fletcher taps in the rebound. 14 seconds in and I'm winning. I mean we. We're winning. Fleck scores a screamer of a banana shot from the edge of the box to make it 2-0 on 18 minutes. Holt repays my faith with a goal on the 40th minute, slotting home a rebounded S Fletcher shot. And S Fletcher completes the rout on 80 minutes when Brown plays him in.

Full time Scotland 4 - 0 New Zealand

Game 3 - Scotland v Brazil

I was already through by this point so the pressure was off, but I still fancied a cheeky result. The Brazilian media were noising me up before the game, caliming they would rack up a cricket score. In truth, it was a very tight match, I went defensive as all fuck hoping to nick a 1-0, we played well but in the end we were beaten by the better team.

Full time Scotland 0 - 1 Brazil

Second Round

Scotland v France

We all know France can't play at big tournaments so I wasn't that concerned about facing them. I still set out to defend, and this was a very tight match also, especially in the second half when they were peppering shots at me from all angles. In the 59th minute I got a throw in in there half, which was no danger at all and for some reason the garlic munching defenders just stood and watched as Darren Fletcher picked it up, danced into their box straight through the middle of a hige gap in their defence and coolly slotted it past the keeper. In your face France!

Full time Scotland 1 - 0 France

Quarter Final

Scotland v England

Again I set out to defend, but roused the squad before the match with a patriotic team talk while dressed as William Wallace. They came roaring out of the traps, S Fletcher put me ahead after only 3 minutes when Brown played him in. Fleck and S Fletcher linked up for a second in 20 minutes, Fletch ran it down the wing, cut inside and cut it back for Fleck to tap in from 6 yards. Then in first half injury time, Fleck was at the byline about to cut the ball back when Micah Richards clattered him, the fucking thug. Penalty. Fleck, after counting all his arms and legs were still there, recovered sufficiently to score the pen. Second half was backs to the wall stuff. Agbonglahor scored a flukey goal in the 70th minute after Craig Gordon fucked up a backpass, but we held on for a famous victory and send proud Pearce's army homeward tae think again.

Full time Scotland 3 - 1 England

Semi Final

Scotland v Slovakia

Slovakia? In the WC semi final? This should be a piece of piss I thought. Or not. Despite utterly dominating the first half, and hitting the woodwork three times it just wouldn't go in. I wasn't panicked though at half time, as we were playing them off the park, so I told them to just keep plugging away, the goal would come. A good idea in theory, but then fucking Graham Dorrans went and got himself sent off in the 46th minute, the tosser and I was left to play an entire half with 10 men. I took off S Fletcher and put James McCarthur in his place and played with one up front, and moved my ML and MR into attacking roles to support him. I got utterly battered. Craig Gordon kept me in this match and I thought I was going to live to regret not putting one of those chances away in the first half. 90 minutes came and went with no goals. As we got into extra time I was just sitting back, soaking it up, holding out for penalties, but Slovakia got greedy and decided to try and win it and went all attacking on my ass. BAD MOVE SLOVAKIA. I had a sucker punch for them. In a beautiful display of counter attacking football, it went from Pearce in defence, to Fletcher in mid, to McArthur in mid, to McFadden at AML in about 4 seconds. McFadden, fresh from the bench battered it home to take me into the promised land in 112 minutes.

Full time Scotland 1 - 0 Slovakia (aet)

Final

Scotland v Netherlands

I was shitting myself before this one. Expected a hiding. Stuck steadfastly with the defensive tactics that had been in place since the Brazil match, and made changes to the starting XI for only the second time. McArthur in at MC for the suspended Dorrans. After a ding-dong start, we take the lead in 18 minutes, another defence-splitting pass from Scott Brown serving it up on a plate for John Fleck to slide it home. In the 42nd minute, from out of nowhere McArthur played in S Fletcher and a hopeful long shot somehow snuck in at the near post to put us up 2-0 at halftime. Normally I would go with "Well done guys, you're playing well" at HT, but this time I went with "DON'T LET YOUR FUCKING PERFORMANCE DROP!" It worked too. S Fletcher was fouled by two of the cunts at once in the penalty area in the 53rd minute, and Fleck stuck the pen in the roof of the net to make it 3 fucking 0 to Scotland in the World Cup final. At this point I went into defensive mode. Huntelaar stuck one past Craig Gordon in the 62 minute to make the last half hour more interesting. They basically fucked my ass for 30 minutes, despite having Nigel De Jong sent off in the 76th minute. Alan Hutton joined him in the 88th for clattering RVP when he was through on goal. Good lad Hutton. I would have done the same. They got a penalty shout turned down in the 90th which almost led to a ruckus as both sets of players surrounded the referee. But we held on to take the famous trophy back to Hampden. I expect a knighthood when I get back. Brazil is a fucking shit hole and I had food poisoning for most of the tournament, and someone nicked my camera.

Full time Scotland 3 - 1 Netherlands

[Lemonade]

What was your team in the final?

GK - Craig Gordon

DR - Alan Hutton

DC - Alex Pearce

DC - Chrstophe Berra

DL - Brian Easton

MR - Scott Brown

MC - Darren Fletcher

MC - James McArthur

ML - Stewart Holt

ST - John Fleck

ST - Steven Fletcher

[soundian]

23-24 CCC 8th

The finances have sorted themselves out with the new stadium coming online. My wage budget was nearly doubled and I got £2.9 mill in transfer money. I've still not spent any money on transfers but I think I may have to add a little bit of quality to the squad to get us into contention for the play-offs. I was only 6 points off but GD is massive and, if I'm honest, I got a lot of lucky wins/draws last season. West Brom have now joined my hate-list for scoring in the 93rd minute.

[Moose]

I’ve not had as much time as I’d have like to devote to my Blackburn game. I’m only about a week into February ’12 just now. I do like to take about 20 minutes between matches though to get to know my opposition and set out the right players and tactics!

First of all, at the beginning of the season, I did some wheelin’ and dealin’ with my limited transfer budget (£500k). I brought in James McFadden and Mahamadou Diarra on frees, who’ve both been very useful squad players. I brought in South African striker Katlego Mphela for £350k from Sundowns. He was terrible though and I loaned him out to Villareal in January with a £1.1m option to buy. Not bad business, I guess. After loaning out a lot of young prospects and reIeasing some deadwood in the U18s and reserves, I managed to reallocate my budget in order to get a wee kitty of £4.5m in transfer funds. I decided to go for youth, as my new low wage budget wouldn’t accommodate any high paid, prima donnas. I managed to take in French wonderkid striker Yaya Sanogo from Auxerre for £3.3m – who has come into his own when Yakubu went off for his African cup of Nations, and has been ace – and centre back, Tobias Figuerido from Sporting Lisbon for £875k. He’s said to be the next God, or something.

The first half of the season was really successful. I was top of the league with 13 points from 5 games, all against decent mid-league opponents (I believe I drew with Wolves at home though). I bumbled along for a few more weeks after that, getting good results, and was still in the top 4 by the beginning of October. Then a string of tough games (Man U, Liverpool, Spurs and City) led to 3 losses and a draw (with United) on the trot. Time for a team meeting… so I got the lads together and calmly told them: “don’t you lads worry, we’ll turn this around.” Ryan Nelsen, Chris Samba and David Dunn even got up and said a few words. There was a really good vibe around Ewood after the meeting and the lads trained well for the upcoming game against QPR at Loftus Road. It obviously worked as we went down there and won 0-7, Junior Hoillet bagging an unprecedented double-brace from right-wing. Lad.

Anyway, we went on a good run after that, getting a Wembley showdown against Spurs for the Lager Cup along the way. I signed two young-ins in January: Romario – a very good 18 year old RB from Brazilian club Vitoria – and Ilora, another young Portugese CB. I’m sitting in 6th in the league, but only 3 points behind Liverpool in 3rd, and I’m in the Lager Cup final. I got knocked out by Forest in the 1st round of the FA cup in a 6-5 thriller, which was unfortunate, but you can’t win them all.

My squad has been struck with a lot of injuries: Yakubu is out for 2 months, Petrovic is out until October (!), Sanogo is out for 5 weeks, Dunn is out for 2 months, Samba is out for 6 weeks and Martin Olsson is out for 3 weeks. They’ll all miss the Wembley Final, but I’ve got the strength in depth to defeat Spurs.

I’d recommend going with Blackburn for a game. They have heaps of players that get silly good and heaps that are over-rated. Simon Vukcevic is awesome, MG Pedersen is worth fielding for his set pieces alone, feed the Yak and he generally scores… N’Zonzi and Petrovic get silly good quite quickly. As do Hoillet, Olsson, Hanley (who I loaned out to Leeds for the whole first season. He’s ripping it up). Robbie Cotton, a 16 year old winger, get’s very good eventually too apparently. Add that to the young prospects I’ve bought and players like Chris Samba and Paul Robinson and I’ve got a winning team by 2014, I reckon.

The aim is to win the league cup and finish in the top 6.

I lost 0-2 to Wigan in my last match…

Arsenal are 12th.