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Just complained to Tesco


GraemeC
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To whom it may concern

I hardly know where to begin, I'm not sure if this should take the form of an irate complaint or that of a congratulatory pat on the back for a new and innovative initiative.

The story begins while visiting your shiny new store in Buckie, I don't live near there but we do have seasonal accommodation close by (a caravan) which we were visiting at the time.

My lovely wife and I were patrolling the stores well stocked shelves picking items for the next couple of days meals and some indulgent snacking material when I experienced an urgent call of nature. I of course hot footed it to your spotless and well appointed rest room facility.

We now get to the delicate bit, which for the life of me I couldn't share with the teenage girl "manning" the customer service counter.

I had positioned myself on the toilet seat after lowering the required garments and made one small adjustment in the aid of comfort. To let you understand I'm a rather large gentleman, my doctor describes me as morbidly obese which is good coming from him, he's not the happiest camper himself... I digress. Small adjustment as I say and... whooosh!! I got the shock of my life as my undercarriage got a rather unexpected cold shower, I yelled out something profane I believe and sat stunned and a little chilled for a second or two. I was more than a little confused but had to get on with the required business.

The previous incident was ebbing from my short term memory when ...whooosh!! my gentleman's downstairs department gets another unexpected dunking in very cold water, now my mind is doing back flips, is this Tesco's way of reminding customers how clean their meat and veg departments are by washing my meat and both veg, or is it their way of saying "this toilet is spotless and we intend making sure you are to". But while I wrestled with these options ... yes you guessed it... whooosh!! another drenching.

Enough is enough I thought and proceeded to do the required paper work, plus some extra (Tesco Extra) due to the unexpected ablutions, I then made a swift exit.

Now the complaint bit - when I returned to the car and my wife and relayed the above story to her she suffered severe and wholey unnecessary pain, she laughed so hard it caused her extreme agony from recently broken ribs which she inflicted on herself in Morrisons car park you'll be amused to hear. When the pain subsided she explained the magic eye flushing system.....

Modern technology is an arse.

G...

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and they responded..... yawn!!

Dear Mr Cattanach

Firstly, I would like to apologise for the lateness of my reply. We try to ensure that all emails are answered in a timely fashion, so I am sorry that this hasn't happened on this occasion.

I am also very sorry to learn of your recent experience whilst visiting our Buckie store. I appreciate your concerns in this matter.

Please let me assure you that it is never our intention to cause any upset to our customers and that this is not typical of our standards, so I am pleased that you have brought this to my attention.

I can not express enough how important it is to receive feedback like this from a customer as this helps for us to see our stores from your point of view and make any adjustments necessary to making our products and services better for you. For this reason, I would like to thank you for taking the time out to let me know about this.

With this in mind, I have fully logged your comments under reference number 11920356, which means that the store and area managements team will be made aware of the comments that you have made in regards to this. I can assure you that they will carefully consider your feedback and work towards improving this for the future.

I can assure you that we do not wish to disappoint our customers and that we take feedback very seriously. After all, you are the most important part of what we do which is why I am grateful you have given us the chance to resolve this problem.

Kind Regards

Ann-Marie Trigg

Tesco Customer Service

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Dear Mr Cattanach

Firstly, I would like to apologise for the lateness of my reply. We try to ensure that all emails are answered in a timely fashion, so I am sorry that this hasn't happened on this occasion.

I am also very sorry to learn of your recent experience whilst visiting our Buckie store. I appreciate your concerns in this matter.

Please let me assure you that it is never our intention to cause any upset to our customers and that this is not typical of our standards, so I am pleased that you have brought this to my attention.

I can not express enough how important it is to receive feedback like this from a customer as this helps for us to see our stores from your point of view and make any adjustments necessary to making our products and services better for you. For this reason, I would like to thank you for taking the time out to let me know about this.

With this in mind, I have fully logged your comments under reference number 11920356, which means that the store and area managements team will be made aware of the comments that you have made in regards to this. I can assure you that they will carefully consider your feedback and work towards improving this for the future.

I can assure you that we do not wish to disappoint our customers and that we take feedback very seriously. After all, you are the most important part of what we do which is why I am grateful you have given us the chance to resolve this problem.

Kind Regards

Ann-Marie Trigg

Tesco Customer Service

In other words: Piss off.

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ps.. "A a token of our embarassment at the incident, please accept this 10 voucher, which can be redeemed against Pampers or Huggies".

Great story G, I'm pishin....I mean laughing heartily.

Trust you to find amusement in my embarasment and discomfort... pampers indeed...:rolleyes:

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Trust you to find amusement in my embarasment and discomfort... pampers indeed...:rolleyes:

Well, you know what our mums would have said...

"You should have gone before you left the house (or caravan in this case)".

Bog-standard response from Customer Services though - these corporate cunts really don't give a fuck, do they?

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The local management might find it slightly amusing, please tell me...no one would find a serious complaint in that... would they??? o_O

Surely not. It comes across as a templated response.

I was just making a seemingly inconspicuous word play reference to the act of going to the toilet. :up:

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I once stayed in an F1 hotel in france, weirdest place I've ever stayed in and their toilets had automatic rinse, clean and light systems. The whole damn thing was automatic and of course, didn't work. everytime i went in and sat down the toilet flushed, rinsed the seat and then turned out the lights.

I tried explaining to the cleaner what was happening but she didn't speak any english and it was quite hard to mime this particular problem. of course, the whole point of the F1 hotels is that there's no staff so there wasn't even a service desk to complain to. worst.hotel.ever.

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Well, you know what our mums would have said...

"You should have gone before you left the house (or caravan in this case)".

Bog-standard response from Customer Services though - these corporate cunts really don't give a fuck, do they?

I disagree.

Starbucks gave me this voucher thing, good for 6 free coffee's of my choosing when I missed my bus - was late for work - and got a written warning. All because they took 17 minutes to process a caffe latte.

And I got a voucher from Pot noodle when they discontinued the 'Posh-Noodle' range which I fucking loved.

All in all, you get what you put in. o_O

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Anyone remember that Sunday morning channel 4 show called 'gimme 5' or something similarly 90s-slangy? It was all about complaining/writing to big companies to get free shit. I remember three dudes shaved the nike, adidas and reebok logo into the backs of their heads and wrote to each one saying, essentially, 'check us out... give us some free stuff'.

The guy with the reebok logo got an insane amount of kit: basketball, cap, t-shirt. The others got fuck all.

It always pays to be persistent with these things. It means nothing to a big company to make a small gesture and if you are polite and sensible they more often than not oblige. Having worked in a call centre in the past, I know from experience how willing people are to give stuff away. I was a hardass so never did unless they were funny or genuinely inconvenienced.

I got free HBO for the whole year because I complained about the internet guy not turning up on time. If you are nice but firm it's pretty easy and also fully warranted.

If Tesco gave a fuck they'd give you even just a packet of bog roll or something.

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