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Things you can't look cool doing.


ca_gere

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Eating anything that is too hot to be eaten right away, so you do that chewing whilst trying to keep your mouth as wide open as possible, manoeuvring the hot food around in your mouth, finding somewhere where it wont burn a part of your mouth, but no such place in your mouth exists. Your mouth doesn't have a cooling tray, but still we persist on trying to find one. I believe one day we will. Like a windowsill where a pie would cool.

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Much spreading to be done.

Running to catch a bus. Probably been mentioned already, maybe even by me. But you just look so unfuckingcool when you do it.

The other day driving home from work I saw a little old lady on a zimmer frame do this. Driver didn't even wait for her. Poor old woman had to stop 'running' to wave at him whilst shouting "STOOOOPPPPP!" and the cunt just buggered off.

Worst part of it was, he was stopped at traffic lights about 50 feet away so she tried to catch him again... She didn't stand a chance. Poor old lady. I'd have offered her a lift if I wasn't absolutely positive she'd have thought I was a sex criminal and called the cops.

xx

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Trying to lift too much weight, failing, then changing the amount of weight you want to lift at the gym, looking around to see if anyone noticed you going down about 10 kgs.

I did that the other day. Sat down on the shoulder press machine, forgot to check the weight, started lifting, realised it was way too heavy, but there were loads of people around, including one guy on a machine opposite who was resting and pretty much just watching me. Not wanting to appear like a skinny weakling, I somehow pushed out ten reps and almost killed myself, rested, went to do the second set, did three, got halfway up and just dropped it. Shame-faced, I stood up, went behind and took off 5kg, sat back down, started lifting again but I'd tired my arms out so much I couldn't even do one rep. So I had to stand up and go behind again and take off another 5kg. Felt a bit of a dick. Would be way better if you could change the weight on the sly ;)

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As an addition to the skateboarding one...

wearing any form of protective gear (elbow pads, knee pads, etc)

I had a 'friend' at school who used to wear rollerblading wristguards, when he wasn't rollerblading. Just when he would be out. I think he thought it made him look like a wrestler. Why on earth would anyone want to purposely look like a fucking wrestler?

He didn't look like a wrestler anyway. Because he was fully clothed, but with wristguards. He just looked like a fucking bellend.

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I did that the other day. Sat down on the shoulder press machine, forgot to check the weight, started lifting, realised it was way too heavy, but there were loads of people around, including one guy on a machine opposite who was resting and pretty much just watching me. Not wanting to appear like a skinny weakling, I somehow pushed out ten reps and almost killed myself, rested, went to do the second set, did three, got halfway up and just dropped it. Shame-faced, I stood up, went behind and took off 5kg, sat back down, started lifting again but I'd tired my arms out so much I couldn't even do one rep. So I had to stand up and go behind again and take off another 5kg. Felt a bit of a dick. Would be way better if you could change the weight on the sly ;)

The worst part is s normally a super fit and attractive girl or an absolute tank of a man that catches you. It's even worse if your gf comes up and goes "haha I can do more than that." after about 2 months of not gymming I could only do 39kg on the chest extension, instead of about 60. So gutted.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Wearing those skinny fit drainpipe jeans.

I know that a substantial number of the forum users probably wear skinny jeans, but by God - they look seriously fucking weird. On everyone. It makes everyone look like they have little fucking chicken legs and feet. Apart from the fatties. Fatties should never fucking wear skinny jeans. Or leggings.

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Wearing those skinny fit drainpipe jeans.

I know that a substantial number of the forum users probably wear skinny jeans, but by God - they look seriously fucking weird. On everyone. It makes everyone look like they have little fucking chicken legs and feet. Apart from the fatties. Fatties should never fucking wear skinny jeans. Or leggings.

THIS X 100000000

Add a few more zeros if you're wearing a checked/flannel shirt buttoned all the way up (with maybe one of the bottom buttons undone cuz ur fukin HXC4LYF!)

Infact, anyone wearing a shirt with the top button done and no tie on looks like a bag of dicks.

xx

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I've long been a fan of the flannel shirt and own lots. I'm not too happy they have been commandeered by alterna-twonks as their uniform but I'm not stopping wearing them. I live in hope they move onto something else shortly.

Nowt wrong with a flanel shirt per se. Long as the top button is undone, you're fine by me. If the top button is both visible and closed, you're a child molestor. No exceptions.

xx

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