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Sportsmen getting twatted in the face


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Guest Gladstone

Magic.

When we were at school, we were playing baseball (or something like baseball, fuck knows what it was officially called) in P.E. outside on the playing fields.

A guy in my class bowled/pitched/whatever, and I connected with possibly the best shot of my life - I think it would have cleared all 3 football pitches - and it caught the bowler square on the forehead, and knocked him clean off his feet.

When we realised he was lying on the deck laughing rather than crying it was the funniest thing ever. Even the PE teacher was pissing himself.

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Guest idol_wild

When I was about 15 years old, I was quite the golf player, and on Saturdays my mum and sister would go shopping in town and I would be dropped off at the driving range beside Pittodrie with my trusty Mizuno 3 wood and a host of long irons to practice tee shots.

On one such Saturday, I absolutely fucking reamed a tee shot with my 3 iron, literally the hardest I've ever swung for a golf ball, but I sliced it so fucking bad that it ricocheted back off the frame of my individual booth and twatted me right in the forehead. How it never knocked me out, I'm unsure. I had a big fuck off lump on my forehead and I could see the wet outline of the golf ball (grooves included!) on the frame of the booth.

I don't play golf anymore.

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Guest idol_wild
Was it Rounders? Rounders was the best thing ever.

It really was actually. I almost preferred playing rounders to football at school. Mainly because at our school, the girls never played football. When they played rounders and ran...well, it was just an absolutely majestic spectacle for a 13 year old boy.

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Guest Gladstone
Was it Rounders? Rounders was the best thing ever.

The game we were playing was certainly glorified rounders, but I think the PE teacher called it "Softball" or something. There was a bowler, a batter, with a fielder behind the batter, 3 bases to get to, then home. Yeah, it was definitely rounders, just don't think he called it that - and the ball in question looked like a baseball, but was like tennis ball size, and had just a bit of give in it - i.e. it would have hurt like fuck getting it minced off your head.

Another rounders story from my school days:

A guy in my PE class "Robin" had a terrible habit of swearing every second word. He wasn't the kind of guy to get in trouble with teachers very often at all, nothing like that. This day we had about 3 PE classes all involved in one massive game of rounders, so when you were batting it took an absolute age to wait in the queue till you got a chance to bat. Robin, having queued for ages, lined up, the ball at him, he swung, missed "Fuck". PE Teacher "Robin, 2 laps of the pitches for that little swear word". Robin skulks off, then picks up the pace, desperate to get another shot. About 20 minutes later, it's finally Robin's shot again, ball comes, swings, misses "Fuck". "Robin, 2 laps of the pitches."

Brilliant.

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Guest idol_wild
We played rounders on a school trip to Strasbourg. A girl swung, missed and farted. It was caught on video and included in the 'highlights'. You can clearly hear the fart and see my mate's astonished 'she just farted, haha' look. Classic.

That is spectacular. When I played for Halliburton Amateurs, I scored a goal from just inside the box, but because I exerted so much strain when I made contact with the ball, I farted at the precise time I kicked the ball.

Fart Goal.

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Guest Gladstone
We played rounders on a school trip to Strasbourg. A girl swung, missed and farted. It was caught on video and included in the 'highlights'. You can clearly hear the fart and see my mate's astonished 'she just farted, haha' look. Classic.

Names please.

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That is spectacular. When I played for Halliburton Amateurs, I scored a goal from just inside the box, but because I exerted so much strain when I made contact with the ball, I farted at the precise time I kicked the ball.

Fart Goal.

In some small way I'm sure the wind from the fart contributed to the goal.

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Guest Gladstone
Poor girl, she didn't live that one down for years. I'm not about to re-open the wound. Although I'm pretty sure she doesn't surf many internet forums. The mate was a fellow ginger legend.

Mair?

Give me a clue with the girl. I won't tell anyone, I'm just curious!

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it was Kelly bloody Drummond... you happy!?

The Kelly Drummond?

In my first year at university I played for the Physics department 11-a-side team in a Saturday morning intramural league. We were tripe, naturally and got humped on a regular basis. The first game was the worst as most of us had never played together before and we were soundly beaten 9-1.

I got the 1, and what a goal it was. Cross came in from the right hand side and I made a run, unmarked, towards the back post. Goalkeeper came out to the 6-yard line and attempts a punched clearance. Next thing I know I'm on the ground and the ball is nestled in the corner of the goal thanks to a fantastic ricochet off my right cheek bone.

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