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Ryan In Atlanta

New Alternative/Electro Band.

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Okay, I've taken the lyrics you have on your myspace and marked out the rhyme scheme here to illustrate where you are using rhymes and to give you some other thoughts.

In Atlanta - Lyrics - Motorways & Magicians

so here's the punch line A

my sun won't shine A

failing inner state of mind x

falling into a decline A

searching motorways gets hard sometimes x

even when it's leading straight to you A

the magician's lost his precious wand x

you find a way of slipping through A (with the word through I think you should either try to cut out the oooo ooo ooo and make it smooth or pronounce it more)

Chorus:

Stay right here with me (sounds like meee-heee: could maybe tone down the added "h", I don't like added consonants in short words) and dance into the night (Lyrics changed here so don't know)

it makes my probe much easier, it makes me feel alight.

Verse 2:

show me the information x (half rhyme/imperfect rhyme)

i can end an expedition A

compromise on one condition A

that you approach me with caution x

broken hearts were never ever intended A

i thought you knew but you only pretended A

it doesn't matter what i thought B

does my opinion matter? surely not B

Outro

i know you're no fun, you'll miss me when i'm gone A

correct me if i'm wrong, (inner line rhyme with A) takes two to get along A

So what I'd say is that this song is great overall with many good things going for it. Intelligent lyrics with meaning, but the rhymes don't follow any scheme so that doesn't help you.

I think you should decide whether you want the lyrics to rhyme or not and if you do to stick with the rhyme scheme you have set up in the first verse.

Otherwise, this is excellent.

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Guest Gladstone

Listened to this at the weekend - and have to agree with Rob. For being recorded in a bedroom, it all sounds very tight, and well produced.

Looking forward to hearing more of this band, seeing them play live sometime!!

:up:

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the radio was on at my work on sunday when that show was on, i could only listen sporadically though

i think i heard some of the band "in session", i don't remember much but i didn't feel so disgusted that i was compelled to switch it off or anything. hope this helps.

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Guest Gladstone

Review of In Atlanta's debut gig here:

AberZine

If you can't be arsed reading the review, I'll summarise In Atlanta's performance in one word:

fuckingamazinglybrilliant

:up:

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I hate to break the ab music ban on enthusiasm but I'm really excited about this band. A lot of talent there I reckon. Can't wait to see them live.

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Guest Gladstone
I hate to break the ab music ban on enthusiasm but I'm really excited about this band. A lot of talent there I reckon. Can't wait to see them live.

Honestly, I was standing there just amazed that it was their first ever gig. And it's not like they're a band of seasoned veterans - they're all 17/18.

They looked really really nervous, but Jesus they were good.

A cover of Calvin Harris's Flashback for fucksake - it was brilliant.

So aye - CHECK THIS FUCKING BAND OUT Y'ALL.

:)

  • Upvote 1

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Thanks a lot dude! We really can't wait to finally play in Aberdeen! And were really glad you enjoyed the Calvin cover! We weren't sure how it would be recieved but it seems yo have gone down well! :)

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Hey! Were playing Snafu, on April 9th if anyone fancies coming along and having a mosey! We also have a couple of other dates up on our myspace page, check it ooooot! :)

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