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Football Chants


Guest idol_wild

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Guest Gladstone

The manager of New Deer FC of the past 10 years has a brilliant porn star 'tache. On bus trips with the team when I was about 17/18, we had some magic chants going, which looking back were pretty ridiculous, but some of the comedy timing was brilliant.

"Geordie is a pornstar, Geordie is a pornstar, na na na na..." At the time when I started that chant, nobody had made the realisation that he looked like a pornstar (he was our new coach of just a few months at the time), and as obvious as it now seems, everyone thought it was genius at the time. He is now nicknamed "The Pornstar", and always will be...

We had a mad day in the pub on a Sunday once, where every 2 minutes someone would burst into a random chant. I think we'd just won a cup final or something - everyone was in high spirits anyway. We had a raffle going, and my mate (best man at my wedding), who would have only been about 17 at the time, had raided his Mum's cupboards, and I shit you not, brought a tin of chicken soup as his raffle prize. A raffle ticket cost 1. Tin of soup - probably no more than 50p.

When the chicken soup was up for raffle, the entire pub burst into a chorus of "Chicken soup, chicken soup, chicken soup..." Brilliant.

Same day, my neighbour who was far too talented a goalkeeper to be playing for New Deer had been away playing for some Highland League team or something. He phoned the pub to see if we'd won, and whoever answered just said "It's Carson", and the entire pub burst into a chorus of "Stand up if you hate England". Carson was English...

I realise none of this post is probably remotely funny to anyone else, I'm just reminiscing about the good old days...

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Sieb Dijkstra?

Only 'keeper in Scotland I recall off-hand having a 'tache.

That's him. Found this:

1999-05-23: Dundee Utd 1-2 Celtic, Premier League - Kerrydale Street

With five minutes to go, Paul Sturrock replaced the outstanding Combe with Sieb Dijkstra, giving him a chance to say farewell to the United fans. The entrance of the likeable big Dutchman, who will return home this week, ensured an amusing end to a disappointing second period. The Celtic fans behind the goal, obviously referring to his dodgy looking moustache, had been chanting "Bring on the porn star" and gave him a rousing reception when he appeared. Dijkstra took it all in good humour and responded by wiggling his behind, to which the Hoops fans responded: "I'd rather be a porn star than a hun."

In the final minute of the match the keeper raced upfield as United won a corner but he couldn't end his career in Scotland with a dream goal.

This prompted the away fans into a parting shot of, "You only score in the movies".

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I've always quite liked the rapist one that was directed at Van Persie, then Robinho

(sang to that Craig David song with Bo'Selecta as a line in it. It could be called 'Bo'Selecta' for all i know?)

Van. Per. Sie.

When the girl says no, molest her.

instead of

Re. E. Wind.

When the crowd says bo, selecta.

I remember when the stories about the Newcastle players in a hotel room orgy/gang rape, there was all sorts of rumours the BBC could get in trouble if they broadcasted chants from the opposition fans. I believe the chant may have been in the form of a question to Titus Bramble asking if the participating female engaged in the act of anal sex.

Which reminds me...

David Beckham, David Beckham, does Posh take it up the Arse...nal!? Does Posh take it up the Arse...nal!?

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Guest Gladstone

"Posh Spice, takes it up the arse

Posh Spice, takes it up the arse"

etc etc

There was a pretty good Tartan Army chant about every time Posh Spice is shagging Beckham, she thinks of Craig Brown. I can't remember the words though.

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"Posh Spice, takes it up the arse

Posh Spice, takes it up the arse"

etc etc

There was a pretty good Tartan Army chant about every time Posh Spice is shagging Beckham, she thinks of Craig Brown. I can't remember the words though.

To "My Old man's a Dustman"

Beckham's bird's a slapper

She shags all over town

And when she's shagging Beckham

She thinks of Craigie Brown

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As an away fan at Old Trafford (West Ham) when his missus had announced she was preggers for the first time Beckam was a sub warming up and down the touchline in front of us.... a rather loud chant of `is the baby, is the baby, is the baby really yours?` go up. To his credit (and applause from the away section) he runs towards us with a huge cheesy grin nodding his head.

I suppose the `one man and his forklift truck, couldnt lift Frank Lampard` (to the tune of one man went to mow) also amuses.

Theres a couple of paper backs, Dicks Out, and Dicks Out 2 have many funny songs in them.

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Just read this on the BBC Website...

"Ten men went to carry, went to carry Nade. 10 men, 9 men, 8 men, 7 men, 6 men, 5 men, 4 men, 3 men, 2 men, 1 man and a forklift truck couldn't carry Nade."

That's a good one. Although its "ten men couldnie carry"

Hibs fans singing 'you're so fucking ugly', to Steve Fulton, who replies with a gesture. The ref books him for this. Cue 'booked for being ugly, you got booked for being ugly'

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"Posh Spice, takes it up the arse

Posh Spice, takes it up the arse"

etc etc

There was a pretty good Tartan Army chant about every time Posh Spice is shagging Beckham, she thinks of Craig Brown. I can't remember the words though.

It's a bit hard to make out to begin with, but you get the idea :up:

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We are the Stoney boys

We make a lot of noise!

We wear our shorts down to our knees

Toast and cheese!

We do not smoke or drink

THAT'S WHAT OUR PARENTS THINK

We are the Stoney boys.

STO-NEY BOYS!

When/where was this chanted? I've never heard that! If you've made that up, I'm going to look very silly.

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To the tune of Michael Jackson and the Jackson 5's "Blame it on the Boogie" by Arsenal fans after a certain new players awful run of performances last season.

"Don't blame it on the referee

Don't blame it on the injuries

Don't Blame it on Wenger

Blame it on Ebou!"

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