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Over the course of 5 years at High School, I was unsurprisingly branded with - Big Joe. Which then got initialled to a slightly more uncomfortable BJ. Which evolved into Bon Jovi for some reason. That then shortened to Jovi. Luckily, High School ended before it went any further. Nicknames evolving was quite common within my group of friends though. My friend, Andrew Target went from Target, to Tigger, to Tiglet, to Piglet and then to Pig, before everyone called him Bart Simpson because he had slightly yellow skin.

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Bender(ever asked a woman out and been told 'I thought you were gay' this happens a lot to me), The terminator, My surname, Dino, van bas(because apparently i lool like Marco Van Basten), and another one which i can't remember just now

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D-lo. Apparently a wrestling reference, but also to do with my first initial being D and my height being less than tall.

For the past few years I've been Nev due to being short and a football winger , just like Pat Nevin. At least I think thta's the story!

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Kev, this came from when I used to go to Boy's Brigade. I was a fat 12 year old, I probably weighed 12/13 stone. Apparently the older guys there knew small fat folk with black hair, all called Kev. So they called me fat Kev. This evolved to Big Kev when I grew taller and became less fat.

I have also been known as Steve and Phil, not sure why. In Primary school some girls called me Kieranoo the walking Dictionary/Encyclopedia and in academy some people called me Oaf. I don't know where the former came from, but the latter was probably due to me being a good bit more cumbersome than everyone else.

Now I'm mainly just called Kieran or Imray. Neither are really nicknames though.

Mate's wise: A guy in school was called Bushy/Bush because he had full body hair about a year before everyone else and we had a token Ginger.

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cunt was my nickname for a while, shortened from i think "that poofy cunt" during my time at ellon academy, what lovley people go there!

Got called ritalin kid by all the drummonds staff for years... still do by some of them.

Circus boy/Unicycle boy was used a lot when i was younger, because i used to o a lot of juggling and unicycling back then.

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When I first started working the boss knew I wanted to join the police so he called me Taggart.

A few weeks later the guy who played Taggart died so my boss thought that was disrespectful, so he started calling me Columbo instead.

There are still people I talk to 16 years later that don't know my real name and just call me Columbo.

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when i was younger i always wanted a realy cool nickname, somthing like P-dawg or Jizzy-P but i was usualy stuck with cunt or twat

but hey beggers cant be choosers

I'd rather be called a cunt than Jizzy-P any day. People would presume you suffer from premature ejaculation.

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Most of my friends in secondary school shortened my name (not sure why, it's not the longest name on the planet) to Lele, out of which grew Lele the Mexican Bandit. I think that came later.

However, during that hazy gap between secondary school and University there were a few nights when 'Ninja Monkey' would appear. This is because I would get drunk and climb trees and I'm not tooting my own trumpet here but I'm pretty good at climbing trees. I'd generally snap off a branch when I got up there and call it my 'magic stick' and make people kiss it all night. Once I left it under a mates sofa and a few days later all these baby spiders came crawling out. Never invited back. Either way, after a few of those the nickname 'Ninja Monkey' stuck for a year or so.

Generic nicknames include Short-Round, Short-Arse and Shorty, because I am very small.

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