Simpsons Quotes

[Spoonie]

Lunchlady Doris: At last the world is safe, eh, Fallout Boy?

Ralph: What's for lunch tomorrow?

Director: Next!

Ralph: Chicken necks?

Ralph: Super Nintendo Chalmers

[Huw]

"Crap on a crust!" - Homer

"I wish they had pee-wee hockey when I was a lad." - Snake

"eeeeuhhhhhvrrrrr" - sideshow bob

[JaseyBoi]

Frink: Oh my great good God! Gentlemen, your attention please. I am detecting a gigiantic amphibious life-form, it's 80 meters long and it's heading this way. Oh good glayven it's on my shoe. It's a small frog, just get off, just get off there, just get out of it, get out of it. Stupid machine, oh wait a minute, this isn't the Monsterometer, it's the Frog-Exaggerator Mm-hai.

Frink explains his plan to rescue Timmy O'Toole from

the well.

Frink: Although we can't reach the boy, we can freeze him

with liquid nitrogen so that future generations can

rescue him.

Frink rocks

[Guest Tam o' Shantie]

When Mr Burns takes over television to put pressure on Homer to give him back his childhood toy bear, and appears in his own terrible sitcom....

Burns: Smithers I'm home... (canned laughter)

Smithers: What, already? (canned laughter)

Burns: Yes. (extremely loud canned laughter & applause)

Lisa: Is it my imagination or is TV getting worse?

Homer: Eh, it's about the same... uh oh, look out Smithers (crashing noise)!

From "Homer Bad Man" when Homer is persecuted by the press when he is accused of sexual harassment:

Homer: Somebody had to take the babysitter home. Then I noticed she was

sitting on [splice] her sweet [splice] can. [splice] -- o I grab

her -- [splice] sweet can. [splice] Oh, just thinking about

[splice] her [splice] can [splice] I just wish I had he --

[splice] sweet [splice] sweet [splice] s-s-sweet [splice] can.

Jones: So, Mr. Simpson: you admit you grabbed her can. What do you have

to say in your defense?

Homer: [looking lustful in a clearly-paused VCR shot]

Jones: Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further.

[paused shot of Homer grows larger]

No, Mr. Simpson, don't take your anger out on me. Get back! Get

back! Mist -- Mr. Simpson -- nooo!

Man: [quickly] Dramatization -- may not have happened.

[Diesel]

Itchy & Scratchy Land

Frink raises the alarm.

Frink: You've got to listen to me. Elementary chaos theory

tells us that all robots will eventually turn against

their masters and run amok in an orgy of blood and

the kicking and the biting with the metal teeth and

the hurting and shoving.

Scientist: How much time do we have professor?

Frink: Well according to my calculations, the robots won't go

berserk for at least 24 hours.

(The robots go berserk.)

Frink: Oh, I forgot to er, carry the one.

[calum]

Kearney: "My divorce was tough on my kid, but he got over it."

Kearney Jr.: "I sleep in a drawer."

Marge: "Homer, promise me you won't stalk Lenny and Carl!"

Homer: "Okay. I'm going outside to... stalk... Lenny and Carl. Heh heh heh... d'oh!"

Every single thing ever said by Lionel Hutz (AKA Miguel Sanchez, AKA Dr. Nguyen Van Phuoc).

Lionel Hutz: "Uh oh. We've drawn Judge Schneider."

Marge: "Is that bad?"

Lionel Hutz: "Well, he's kinda had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog."

Marge: "You did?"

Lionel Hutz: "Well, replace the word 'kinda' with the word 'repeatedly' and the word 'dog' with 'son'."

Lionel Hutz: "And so, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I rest my case."

Judge Snyder: "Hmm. Mr Hutz, do you realize you're not wearing any pants? "

Lionel Hutz: "I... Ahh! "

[David Crosby shakes his head in shame]

Lionel Hutz: "I move for a bad court thingy. "

Judge Snyder: "You mean a *mistrial?* "

Lionel Hutz: "Yeah! That's why you're the judge and I'm the law... talkin'... guy."

[Lemonade]

Remember son, if something is hard to do, it's not worth doing.

[Soda Jerk]

"If I hear another peep out of either of you, we'll be turning this car around and there'll be no Cape Canaveral for anyone!

(Nelson reaches out and slaps him on the back of the head)

"That's it! Back to Winnipeg!"

[Paranoid Android]

A Simpsons quotes thread

because it's an embarrassment to us all that we don't already have one!

Share your favourite moments.

One of my favourite episodes which I just recently watched is Lemon of Troy.

Flanders: Pardon me, neighbourinos. Some of our boys are lost in your town. You wouldn't have happenned to see them, by any chance?

Shelbyville Guy #1: Sounds like Springfield's got a discipline problem.

Shelbyville Guy #2: Maybe that's why we beat them at football nearly half the time

The delivery on that last line is so great.

and

Bart's a tutor now. Tute on boy, tute on!

[Woodsinho]

My all time favourite comes at the end of the Hungry, Hungry Homer episode:

Albuquerque Mayor: See how much Dallas wants for the Cowboys..

Assistant: That's a football team, sir.

Albuquerque Mayor: They'll play what I tell them to play...for I am the mayor of Albuquerque!

[Guest]

"I'd never heard the word 'embiggened' before I moved here"

"I don't know why. It's a perfectly cromulent word"

"The play was embiggened by his cromulent performance"

And so on.

[Le Stu]

"there's narry an animal alive that can ootrun a greased Scotsman!"

[Paranoid Android]

Did you know that there's a direct correlation between the decline of Spirograph and the rise in gang activity?

[Bigsby]

One that I use in conversation a lot, "It's funny 'cause it's true."

"This is the biggest case of false advertising since my case against the movie The Neverending Story."

"Last nights Itchy and Scratchy Show was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world."

"Homer, I can honestly say that was the best episode of Impy and Chimpy I've ever seen."

"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. Its what separates us from the animalsexcept the weasel."

[Diesel]

Principal Skinner - "I was only there to get directions on how to get away from there" - explaining why he was at the Maison Derrier brothel.

Burns- "I suggest you leave immediately" Homer- "Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths, and when they bark they shot bees at you?"

Professor Frink - "You've got to listen to me. Elementary chaos theory tells us that all robots will eventually turn against their masters and run amok in an orgy of blood and the kicking and the biting with the metal teeth and the hurting and shoving."

*in fact ANYTHING said by Frink or Gill the Salesman is GOLD!

[Andy Mulhern]

Scully (to Homer): "This is a lie detector, we will ask you question which will have either a yes or no answer... do you understand?"

Homer: "yes"

*machine explodes*

[Woodsinho]

Burns- "I suggest you leave immediately" Homer- "Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths, and when they bark they shot bees at you?"

Release the Robot Richard Simmons.

[Bigsby]

"Troy McClure? I thought you said he was dead."

"No, what I said was Troy McClure sleeps with the fishes. You see..."

"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."

[Stroopy121]

Ned Flanders - Ive done everything the Bible says, even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!

xx

[Woodsinho]

Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is no.

[Bigsby]

"You are gay"

[Teabags]

"Hello Moe's Tavern, home of the world's smallest large screen TV."

"The plant says if you don't come in tomorrow don't bother coming in on Monday either."

"WOO HOO, 4 DAY WEEKEND!"

"What about bacon?"

"No!"

"What about ham?"

"No!"

"Pork chops?"

"Dad, those all come from the same animal"

"Hehe, yeah right Lisa, a wonderful, MAGICAL animal."

[Soda Jerk]

Bart: Please don't call our parents.

Chief Wiggum: I'm afraid I have to for hijinks like these. Hehe. Hijinks. Funny word. Three dotted letters in a row.

Eddie: Is it hyphenated?

Chief Wiggum: It used to be. Back in the bad old days. Of course every generation hyphenates the way it wants to. Then there's N'Sync. Heh. What the hell is that? Jump in any time, Eddie, these are good topics.

[Soda Jerk]

Ever seen a man say goodbye to his shoes?

[Lemonade]

Dun dun dun!

http://www.aberdeen-music.com/forums/humour/56426-simpsons-quotes.html

I'll combine the two threads if that's OK with everyone.