em-s-t-a-r Posted May 13, 2009 Report Share Posted May 13, 2009 2 lions were walking around in a shopping mall together and one said to the other "wow it's really quiet in here today.."So bad but so good Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TR!ΔNGL€ T€€TH Posted May 23, 2009 Report Share Posted May 23, 2009 An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speaches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience.The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.Well" he explained" By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started Ladies and Gentlemen".On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself I'll go one better than that English b****** and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin.When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing. "Well" he explained" By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying Dear Ladies and Gentlemen".On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself I'll go one further than those mainland b******s and started his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then masturbating furiously.When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing. "Well" he explained," by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masturbating I was starting my speech by saying -Deer Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure......."----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad; the morgue needed someone to identify the body. So his two best friends, Dermot and Tony, were sent for. Dermot went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Dermot said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician rolled him over.Dermot looked and said, "Nope, it ain't Paddy." The mortician thought that was rather strange so he brought Tony in to identify the body. Tony took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Tony looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy."The mortician asked, "How can you tell?""Well, Paddy had two assholes" said Tony"What? He had two assholes?!" said the mortician."Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say "Here comes Paddy with them two assholes"Fucking hell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
givemeasmile Posted May 23, 2009 Report Share Posted May 23, 2009 Anybody seen season 13 South Park?A.Do you like fish sticks?B.YesA.Do you like putting fish sticks in your mouth?B.YesA.Then what are you......a gay fish?YouTube - South Park - Fishsticks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaseyBoi Posted May 24, 2009 Report Share Posted May 24, 2009 Fucks sakeJan deal what the hell is your problem now?.....MORE bad rep for what?...Bad jokes?.......Im getting fucking sick of this....Everything i post these days gets me bad rep points Stop reading my posts jan if your simply gonna reply shit like "fucking hell" then give me negative rep points...Atleast tell a joke or have something to say regarding the threads topic before you constantly judge every post i make...The excuse you give "cliche jokes" i mean who the hell are ya the local forum troll?. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tooms Posted May 24, 2009 Report Share Posted May 24, 2009 negative rep points?....erm...who the fuck cares about rep points?Plus those jokes were awful and i wasted a good few minutes of my life reading them which i'll never get back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TR!ΔNGL€ T€€TH Posted May 24, 2009 Report Share Posted May 24, 2009 Fucks sakeJan deal what the hell is your problem now?.....MORE bad rep for what?...Bad jokes?.......Im getting fucking sick of this....Everything i post these days gets me bad rep points Stop reading my posts jan if your simply gonna reply shit like "fucking hell" then give me negative rep points...Atleast tell a joke or have something to say regarding the threads topic before you constantly judge every post i make...The excuse you give "cliche jokes" i mean who the hell are ya the local forum troll?.I found those jokes moderately offensive and more suited to a smoked filled working man's club in the 1970's. They reinforce tired stereotypes that have no place in 2009. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaseyBoi Posted May 25, 2009 Report Share Posted May 25, 2009 I found those jokes moderately offensive and more suited to a smoked filled working man's club in the 1970's. They reinforce tired stereotypes that have no place in 2009.Ahh now ive got you...Jokes regarding wife/women beatings you find Tolerable to the extent where you will quote and regard as funny.....But jokes regarding a stereotype you dont?......Ok atleast i now know eh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DJ Jo-D Posted May 26, 2009 Report Share Posted May 26, 2009 Anybody seen season 13 South Park?A.Do you like fish sticks?B.YesA.Do you like putting fish sticks in your mouth?B.YesA.Then what are you......a gay fish?YouTube - South Park - Fishsticksha ha class Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted May 26, 2009 Report Share Posted May 26, 2009 A girl is playing in her garden, where she spots two daddy-long-legs, one mounted on top of the other. She calls for her Dad, and asks "Daddy. What is that?""Well, that's two daddy-long-legs having sex" he replies.The girl points to the one underneath and asks "Is that one the mummy-long-legs?""No no" He chuckles. "They are both called daddy-long-legs"The girl swiftly approaches the two daddy-long-legs, lifts up her foot, stamps down on them both and says "I'm not having any of that gay shit in my garden" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaseyBoi Posted May 29, 2009 Report Share Posted May 29, 2009 A tad long winded but it made me giggle (Sorry if it offends anyone )I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy aPacket of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistantBehind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed meThe package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, 'No, this is my first time.' So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb.She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently stillLooked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty.It was empty. 'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking myHand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it.She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' she asked.Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do w as nod my head. She thenSaid it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she droppedHer skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well, come on', sheSaid, 'We don't have much time.' So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could noLonger hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few minutes. She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on?' sheAsked. I said, 'I sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her. She fainted.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scootray Posted May 29, 2009 Report Share Posted May 29, 2009 i thought the second one wasn't bad, but i don't think i'll be repeating it to all my friends.You'd never remember it anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaseyBoi Posted June 6, 2009 Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde drivers license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.What does it look like? she finally asked.The policewoman replied, Its square and it has your picture on it.The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. Here it is, she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, OK, you can go. I didnt realize you were a cop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scootray Posted June 6, 2009 Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 That's terrible.Geez, let the man tell his jokes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spoonie Posted June 6, 2009 Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 I'm worried about this swine flu lark, I've come out in a rasher.just rub some salt on it. you'll be cured. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaseyBoi Posted June 6, 2009 Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 It was indeed a terrible joke lol. But it was a joke. How about this one?A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath."Mom", he asked, "Are these my brains?""Not yet", she replied.orPATIENT: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Giles Walker Posted June 7, 2009 Report Share Posted June 7, 2009 What did the retarded, blind and deaf girl get for christmas?Cancer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaseyBoi Posted June 7, 2009 Report Share Posted June 7, 2009 A man sitting in the bar found that the front of his trousers was all wet.Turning to the man on his right he asked, "Did you pour beer on my trousers?""Nope," came the reply.Then, turning to the man on his left, he asked, "Did you pour beer on my trousers?"The man also replied, "Nope.""Then it must be an inside job," he murmured. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stichman Posted June 7, 2009 Report Share Posted June 7, 2009 Why do chocolate and coconut make such a good combination?They're Bounty. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paulscoconutass Posted June 8, 2009 Report Share Posted June 8, 2009 Two Irish guys walk out of a bar... ... It could happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted June 8, 2009 Report Share Posted June 8, 2009 What's red and white and sits in a tree?A Sanitary Owl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted June 8, 2009 Report Share Posted June 8, 2009 How do you annoy Lady Gaga?Poke 'er face. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scootray Posted June 8, 2009 Report Share Posted June 8, 2009 What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaseyBoi Posted June 8, 2009 Report Share Posted June 8, 2009 What do you get if you cross the atlantic with a french air bus?About half way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scootray Posted June 8, 2009 Report Share Posted June 8, 2009 What do you get if you cross the atlantic with a french air bus?About half way.Ooooooh. I like it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaseyBoi Posted June 8, 2009 Report Share Posted June 8, 2009 so did i ...i heard it 3 days ago but refrained from telling it in here.........Then i thought fuck it i cant be the only sicko Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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