Stealing....

[Bigsby]

i once stole a broken rolex from some crazy bitch.

james caan:lollerball

[Diesel]

An ex-colleague of mine, Rickie, from back in my panel-beating days, was a giant ex-miner who looked and was built like Desparate Dan.

Anyway, he gets off the bus one evening, to find someone (and to use his words) "arsing" back out of a car, which was sitting at the bottom of a hill.

"Can I help you?" ask Rik

"Ah canny get this thing started" says would-be car thief

So Rik gets him to shove the car back up the hill, then back down while Rik sits at the wheel in an attempt to bump-start it.

The car duly fires up, Rik drives it 200 yards down the road, then turns and chases the boy up the street, pins him up against a wall with the bumper, gets out the car, punches the boys lights out and then drives home for tea.

What the poor bastard didn't know, was that the car was Rik's and he had only taken the bus to work that morning coz the car battery was flat.

[unbroken]

An ex-colleague of mine, Rickie, from back in my panel-beating days, was a giant ex-miner who looked and was built like Desparate Dan.

Anyway, he gets off the bus one evening, to find someone (and to use his words) "arsing" back out of a car, which was sitting at the bottom of a hill.

"Can I help you?" ask Rik

"Ah canny get this thing started" says would-be car thief

So Rik gets him to shove the car back up the hill, then back down while Rik sits at the wheel in an attempt to bump-start it.

The car duly fires up, Rik drives it 200 yards down the road, then turns and chases the boy up the street, pins him up against a wall with the bumper, gets out the car, punches the boys lights out and then drives home for tea.

What the poor bastard didn't know, was the the car was Rik's and he had taken the bus to work that morning coz the car battery was flat.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

that is amazing.

I'm giving you positive rep for your old work colleague, tell him its here for him.

[Miss Groupie Supreme]

I once stole a broken Rolex from some crazy bitch.

I'd have beaten you with my feather duster again.

[Alan Cynic]

I'd have beaten you with my feather duster again.

Sounds like something Teabags would send to the urban dictionary folks!!

[Teabags]

Sounds like something Teabags would send to the urban dictionary folks!!

I read that post and automatically started rubbing my thighs going "urrrrrrrrrrrr"

Yas.

[-matthEw-]

There's a guy that goes round Tesco stores (and maybe other supermarkets...), stealing TV's. He asks for the largest, most expensive HD TV that particular store has (often the most expensive item in the shop). He'll get it in it's box from non-food peeps and put it in his trolley.

He'll walk around the supermarket for a wee while, then go to the front door and say something along the lines of, "my girlfriend/wife/brother etc, is doing a bit more shopping, but I was hoping to put this in the car just now", he'll produce a receipt of some kind and wave it about a bit. Because of the security tag on the box or within the box, he'll then say the whole thing won't fit in his boot, and can he just take the tele boxless.

Supermarket staff being as they are, accept all this and in the case of our shop, haul folk off check-outs and get the security guy to help carry the TV to this guy's car. He drives off with free television.

It took our store a good couple of days to realise this had happened, I think it's timed a wee bit before sales are totalled for the week/month/period etc, just guessing though. Managers in particular, were a wee bit embarassed, and the staff that helped him were "re-trained".

I laughed lots and lots and lots when I heard all of this.

You don't work in the Tesco in Torry do you? It happened there as well

Treader has a funny story regarding alleged stealing...

[Elizabeth]

I used to work in a few shops when I was at school and you saw some amazing stuff. My favourite was during a stint an Internacionale. Some mink came in and stole a pair of pants by taking them into the changing room and then leaving the pants she had on previously on the return to rack rail. The pants she left were covered in blood stains. Nae nice. You got some amazing minkers in there.

That, is truly disgusting.

I have too much guilt in me to steal anything.

[calum]

There's a guy that goes round Tesco stores (and maybe other supermarkets...), stealing TV's. He asks for the largest, most expensive HD TV that particular store has (often the most expensive item in the shop). He'll get it in it's box from non-food peeps and put it in his trolley.

He'll walk around the supermarket for a wee while, then go to the front door and say something along the lines of, "my girlfriend/wife/brother etc, is doing a bit more shopping, but I was hoping to put this in the car just now", he'll produce a receipt of some kind and wave it about a bit. Because of the security tag on the box or within the box, he'll then say the whole thing won't fit in his boot, and can he just take the tele boxless.

Supermarket staff being as they are, accept all this and in the case of our shop, haul folk off check-outs and get the security guy to help carry the TV to this guy's car. He drives off with free television.

It took our store a good couple of days to realise this had happened, I think it's timed a wee bit before sales are totalled for the week/month/period etc, just guessing though. Managers in particular, were a wee bit embarassed, and the staff that helped him were "re-trained".

I laughed lots and lots and lots when I heard all of this.

I want names!

D'you think the guy from our school that got caught stealing women's underwear from TK Max counts as an amusing theft story? I was definitely amused.

[The Milner]

when i worked in debenhams we had a similar story, someone who worked there helped a man into the lifts with two dysons he had not paid for, he got the lift to the car park and pissed off in his car quite happily.

[vega]

I want names!

D'you think the guy from our school that got caught stealing women's underwear from TK Max counts as an amusing theft story? I was definitely amused.

Ah yes! Wasn't it two brothers? Whilst in there with their mum...I'm sure it was! I believe they were served a lifetime ban from TK Max too.

I work in Westhill one, Matthew. This chap is prolific by the sound of it!

[Guest]

A guy in a resteraunt I worked at stole 15 10oz steaks by effectively strapping them to his body

[The Sloth]

did he get chased down the street by 'homeless' people's dogs?

[Lemonade]

When I worked in Virgin in the Bon Accord centre I occasionally worked security and we saw some good shoplifting tricks. Though the most common one was just to wait till the security guard wasn't at the door, run in and grab some stuff then run like fuck, hoping you'd get a good headstart. Some of more professional thiefs would stake the place out and get to learn all the times the security guards were on their breaks / changing posts etc. One guy was crafty as fuck, he was banned from every shop and centre in town for stealing, and he still managed to make a career out of it. He would come into the Bon Accord centre, security would be alerted but they could never fucking find him, and then he'd reappear half an hour later with bags full of stolen stuff. He always found places to hide, and even the CCTV operator couldn't keep up with him, he was like a fucking shadow. He was a real professional shoplifter, but unlike most of them who would invariably threaten to beat you up / stab you if you tried to stop and search them (while preotesting their innocence), he was actually a really fine guy and a good laugh. If I caught him in the shop I would get him to hand over what he'd taken and he would just put his hands up and go "alright, you got me" and make a joke of it, and then I'd hand him over to Bon Accord security who would also have a laugh with him about it, and put him out the front door. Then half an hour later he'd be in nicking again. When they searched him they used to find rotas he'd made up of all the shops in the city centre, how many security staff they had, when they went on their breaks, how good/bad they were etc. He robbed them all blind every day, the little cunt Last I heard he'd went straight, but I can't believe it for a second.

How to steal from shops:

1 - Grab some DVDs. Kneel down behind a shelf and peel off the little white strips and pop the DVDs in your bag. Hide the strips somewhere so if you get rumbled there is no evidence. The downside of this is that the strips make a lot of noise when you're peeling them off plastic, and a security person has their ears very attuned to this noise. Usually as soon as you hear it you can see a head popping up from behind a shelf to see if anyone's noticed. Optional - hide the de-tagged DVDs somewhere as well so if you get rumbled an accomplice can go in later and pick them up. Remember, they aren't allowed to search you unless they actually see you putting stuff in your jacket or bag, and they aren't allowed to search you until you try to leave the shop, as until you attempt to leave, you aren't stealing. What they will do if they see you though is come and stand behind you and make you feel really uncomfortable so you ditch it.

2 - Line a carrier bag with a few layers of tin foil. Drop the CDs, DVDs, clothes, whatever into the bag, making sure the security tag is between a few layers of tin foil on both sides, and the alarm won't go off when you walk out of the shop.

3 - Rub a magnet over the security strips. This is all they do at the checkouts to "de-tag" them and stop the alarms going off anyway. De magentise them yourself and pop them in your bag and you're good to go.

4 - Wait until the security guard is a good bit up the shop, or not paying attention. Go into the shop, go to the nearest display to the door. Open a bag and fill it with as much as you can fit. Walk towards the door so as not to attract attention. Once the alarm goes off, run like fuck. Hopefully you'll get a good headstart, and security guards are expressly told not to follow you as they are not supposed to leave their premises and chase you, in case you pull a knife on them or something. However a lot of them will give chase. If this occurs and you look like getting caught, simply drop the bag. They will always prioritise reclaiming their stock over catching the theif and they will pick up the bag and go back to the shop instead of chasing you. If they leave it lying on the ground, someone else will just take it.

5 - It's the packaging that is tagged, not the product. If you don't need the box (DVDs, CDs, batteries, razor blades etc), just open the box and put it back on the shelf, and slip the product into your pocket.

BTW I've never stolen anything! I just learnt some of the tricks.

[The Milner]

i was told a good way to annoy tesco security by someone who used to work there.

Basically walk around the shop filling your pockets with stuff, make it very obvious you are doing this, eat a sweet or two but keep the rappers then just go to the till and pay for everything, they cant touch you till you get past the last point of payment.

[waltz]

When I went to primary school with this forum's very own Nefarious C, I found a bunch of school books and equipment in his room. Not all that funny in itself, but Craig will vouch for how obscure some of the stuff he stole was, and his 'What am I like?' face was absolutely priceless.

[Guest]

When I went to primary school with this forum's very own Nefarious C, I found a bunch of school books and equipment in his room. Not all that funny in itself, but Craig will vouch for how obscure some of the stuff he stole was, and his 'What am I like?' face was absolutely priceless.

He's right. It was obscure and my face WAS absolutely priceless.

[TR!ΔNGL€ T€€TH]

I read that post and automatically started rubbing my thighs going "urrrrrrrrrrrr"

Yas.

I tasted sick in my mouth after reading this.