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Lemonade

"My mom sniffs my cock"

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ha ha all blocked :(

Here you go, petal....

"Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence."

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Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me "don't worry, it's not yours." FML

and

Today, I was playing with my pet hamster and I decided to put it down my pants for fun. It started running around and I actually got aroused. My mom then proceeded to walk into my room to see me with an erection and my pet hamster poke his head out of the hole in my boxers. FML

haha, what a dick.

the ones on just now aren't very good I must say, but it gets added to every day, sometimes there's a dozen or so piss funny ones!

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Today, I accidently walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her "Need a hand with that?", to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it". FML

bahahaha

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Guest treader.

the one about the guy getting head and just before he blows his load the girl pulls off and says "have i ever told you about jesus" or something like that had me in fits for a nice little while.

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