Lemonade Posted March 2, 2016 Report Share Posted March 2, 2016 (edited) Oh she also always says "I apologise for that on your behalf" or "I apologise for you on that behalf" when someone rings in to complain about something. Honestly, it's constant, every sentence is gibberish. Edited March 2, 2016 by Lemonade Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottyboy Posted March 2, 2016 Report Share Posted March 2, 2016 (edited) That email sounds pretty IELTS 5 Polish to me; brutal if that's a native English speaker. Bit late but Student Loans are also a pet hate of mine. If you are overseas and trying to just start paying again, I'd have thought the easiest thing is just to mail them the overseas form with your bank details and let them figure it out. This sets up a direct debit, and supposedly it'll get stopped if you pay everything back (with the UK employer-pays system, people can just keep paying thousands OTT until someone finally notices). I also have no idea how much I still owe them. Once upon a time I could log in to the, I think SAAS website, but not SLC's; it seems to assume that you have an account, and when I still had my student ref no (or whatever) it seemed ready to mail me a forgot-password, but then kept asking security questions about my "spouse", which I don't have, nor have ever had :S. I've actually had a contact email, but like you said it's of no use - I called them once and they pretty stated that they had received email from me and had ignored it, and didn't mention the pointed questions I'd asked them about the website. Imbeciles. These days I just play their preferred bullshit snail mail game. Everything takes months across the continents and half the time goes missing, and I have no idea if they are looking for me or how angry they are, and they don't seem to get anything I send them. Edited March 2, 2016 by scottyboy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teabags Posted March 2, 2016 Report Share Posted March 2, 2016 3 hours ago, Lemonade said: I deeply apologies for our query not be brought to our teams attention sooner. I can insure you that our query has been handed correctly and has now has gone through the correct producer in order to approve this payment to you. 28 days is only a timescale period given to all customers depending on the evidences provided over to this department for payment. Going forward from this matter, any queries you need to address to us please could you forward to the Customer Services team and one of the member of the team will handy your query in a professional manner. I honestly can't fucking believe that got sent out. Surely some higher up must read this and go "what the FUCK?!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted March 2, 2016 Report Share Posted March 2, 2016 loving the AGFW chat. I can totally picture Kirsten's AGFW from her description. A million cousins, thinks she's it, talks like a "40 year old-12 year old" (to steal a Judd Apatow quote)... i've definitely met this person before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeinzHines Posted March 2, 2016 Report Share Posted March 2, 2016 She sounds like the type of cunt who would sign up for tough mudder. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted March 2, 2016 Report Share Posted March 2, 2016 Nah, she wouldn't but she'd sure as hell have a story about a friend or family member who did. The story probably ends with them 'winning it' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted March 2, 2016 Report Share Posted March 2, 2016 2 hours ago, Teabags said: I honestly can't fucking believe that got sent out. Surely some higher up must read this and go "what the FUCK?!" This is part idiot using the wrong words and part bad typing. She types really badly then right clicks everything that's underlined and just picks the first suggestion for a correction without even reading it. She told me today that her skills are more with numbers than with English. I've never seen her work with numbers, but it can't be much worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted March 2, 2016 Report Share Posted March 2, 2016 (edited) 20 hours ago, ca_gere said: One mustn't under-estimate the importance of nepotism in the plight of the idiot. I was once 'forced' to hire an intern who was the boss's friend's son. The kid was a total brick and not even the plucky hard-working kind. The privileged work-shy kind - which is the worst kind of idiot. He's probably now running a hedge fund or something now, which is the saddest part. The world isn't run on merit - and that extends from top-to-bottom. You could be perfectly qualified and able for a job, but it just takes one cunt to 'put a word in' for their gormless nephew and you're fucked. Eerily accurate to my work situation. It's no coincidence that my boss plays darts with Hopeless Human Being #1's Dad, and HHB #2's older sister used to work in our department some years ago, as well as her Dad being pally with a couple of our senior officers. My boss is ruing that now, as we're stuck with two shysters who we can't get rid of. We have barely seen one of them in the 3 years she's been with us as she's constantly off sick. The other is a 23yr old who still lives with mum and dad, has zero sense of responsibility, no work ethic at all, just sits with earphones in all day, does absolutely nothing. Comes in when she wants, leaves when she wants, doesn't even do enough hours. Somehow, stealing a living by lying on timesheets isn't considered gross misconduct. Me and a couple of others had had enough, so we recorded a timesheet for her for a 4 week period. The result was her being in the red by 25 hours! That's almost one day per week, accumulated by starting late and finishing early every day. It was handed to my manager by one of the officers. Manager deemed that it can't be used as evidence. It's our word against hers. Boss doesn't want to deal with it because he's Mr Nice Guy. Everyone's mate. A real life Michael Scott. He'll be your pal but he'd jump infront of a train to get out of giving someone a kick up the arse. So, she has a job for life, and her job is to use the office as an internet cafe. Edited March 2, 2016 by Soda van Jerk 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted March 2, 2016 Report Share Posted March 2, 2016 The whole concept of 'sick days' winds me up. I've been too ill to go to work maybe only a handful of times in my life. Some days I want to take off because I can't be fucked, want to do something else or ... well, that's about the only other reasons I ever have to not go to work really but you get the point, it's not always being 'sick' that makes you want to take a day off without munching into your holiday days. Society pressures me into making up an ailment or fooling myself into thinking I am actually ill, just to make the process of taking a day off more legit. just give me a number of extra days and leave the sick part out of it. One guy at my work takes a lot of sick days and each time sends a fucking two-page letter describing the trials, tribulations and ill-health that has plagued him between the time he got up and the time he decided to not take the train to work. It makes me dislike him because it's dishonest... you can't be fucked, I understand. Why can't he just say that? Come to think of it, he's my AGFW. Although he works in our other office so I don't see him much. He has one of those huge laughs that kicks in after the slightest joke or light-hearted comment (his own or someone else's) and lingers a little too long so any conversation is just a little uncomfortable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kirsten Posted March 3, 2016 Report Share Posted March 3, 2016 On 3/1/2016 at 10:04 PM, Soda van Jerk said: Great post. When working alongside stupid people, I always wonder just how they got the job. To start with, their application had to stand out among a shortlist of possibly 100s, and then they had to be the best candidate of those who interviewed. How do stupid people keep finding work? There's recruitment processes in place to keep them out. I work with two utterly hopeless human beings. Borderline illiterate, dim, no initiative, both in their 20s but have the minds of children. If those two were the best of the applicants and interviewees when the job was advertised, that particular vacancy's shortlist must have looked like a list of the world's most pointless and expendable people. If the government ever decided the country was too full, and they needed to lighten the load by a couple of hundred people, I think they'd just round up everyone on that shortlist, put them in a rocket and shoot them into the sun. It's astounding. The only thing I can think of is that the job they end up getting is from the billionth interview they've had, so they're genuinely well-versed in how to confront those situations. My AGFW had to do an interview, then sit in our office to do an admin task. She got on with that quietly, then once she was finished, she noted my colleague's South African accent and started rambling on about the three times she had been to South Africa. She didn't say this, but her tone suggested "I know more about your home country than you because I have been there three times." She yammered for ten minutes, then my boss tried to show her out and she cornered him for ten more minutes about something else. After all the other applicants had been and gone and we were asked our opinions, I said, "Anyone but her." meaning AGFW because I just knew instantly we wouldn't click and her voice, volume and chat immediately got on my nerves. My boss was a little deflated and said she'd given the best interview, so went with her. I think he is now regretting this decision. Typical fucking management. Let the proles make your decisions for you, our judgement is way better. 12 hours ago, Lemonade said: We need to get on top of the gameball He's a dark fox She's clueless as a breeze The clue is in the pudding She does have all her outgoing phone conversations on speakerphone. That's fucking annoying. Just pick up the receiver. I think she and my AGFW might genuinely be related. Fuck. I can't believe that email. Is she dyslexic? I hope that isn't an offensive thing to ask, but I just mean because some of the words are so close to being correct, but just fall short ("apologies", "insure", "producer") 7 hours ago, ca_gere said: loving the AGFW chat. I can totally picture Kirsten's AGFW from her description. A million cousins, thinks she's it, talks like a "40 year old-12 year old" (to steal a Judd Apatow quote)... i've definitely met this person before. You will know her in some guise. I've described her to people and said that they will have definitely met one or several people with traces of her, but she is the ultimate. In my last post, I said she worked with kids but specifically, she works with Scouts. I think that outdoorsy, not-many-friends, overcompensating by thinking her chat is hilarious thing is rife and even just saying "a woman in her early 30s who dedicates her life to being a Scout leader" gives such a vivid image of what she might be like in real life. 7 hours ago, HeinzHines said: She sounds like the type of cunt who would sign up for tough mudder. Absolutely spot on! I'm going to ask her about this next time I see her. She does this thing where, after AGES of us all silently getting on with our work and no words having been spoken for a very long time, she'll start talking about something that either a) she's never mentioned to us before but thinks she has, b) she has spoken to other people about but we're all just generic blobs to her that she thinks it was us c) she has spoken about, but we've stopped listening by that point and can't remember d) she has spoken about with us, but days previously and she will mention it as though she has just been talking about it. Eg: [COMPLETE SILENCE FOR HALF AN HOUR] AGFW: So yeah, I said at that meeting last night... --some tedious bullshit unworthy of conversation-- Anyway, out of the blue a few weeks ago, she said directly to me, "So, if you need outdoor clothing, give me a shout because I get discount in Mountain Warehouse for being a Scout Leader." APROPOS OF NOWT! It's the tone of "anyway, as we were saying..." that gets me, after nobody has been saying anything or after a conversation that she hasn't actually had with me. Argh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skubbs Posted March 3, 2016 Report Share Posted March 3, 2016 17 hours ago, Soda van Jerk said: Me and a couple of others had had enough, so we recorded a timesheet for her for a 4 week period. The result was her being in the red by 25 hours! That's almost one day per week, accumulated by starting late and finishing early every day. It was handed to my manager by one of the officers. Manager deemed that it can't be used as evidence. It's our word against hers. Boss doesn't want to deal with it because he's Mr Nice Guy. Everyone's mate. A real life Michael Scott. He'll be your pal but he'd jump infront of a train to get out of giving someone a kick up the arse. Just sent it to HR, they can check when she logs into her computer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted March 9, 2016 Report Share Posted March 9, 2016 Medium sliced bread. Who buys this stuff? I want names. Makes crap toast. Makes crap sandwiches where any filling more substantial than a dairylea slice of cheese will soak or tear right through it. It's only good for feeding the ducks, or leaving to go stale so you can make breadcrumbs out of it. Toastie or die. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skubbs Posted March 9, 2016 Report Share Posted March 9, 2016 Those arses outside St Nicks/M&S - three days in a fucking row they've tried to speak to me, when I told the guy this he just laughed and said "see you tomorrow". GAH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted March 9, 2016 Report Share Posted March 9, 2016 51 minutes ago, Soda van Jerk said: Medium sliced bread. Who buys this stuff? I want names. Makes crap toast. Makes crap sandwiches where any filling more substantial than a dairylea slice of cheese will soak or tear right through it. It's only good for feeding the ducks, or leaving to go stale so you can make breadcrumbs out of it. Toastie or die. I buy medium. Thick is too thick. Too much bread to filling. Makes toast pasty and white in the middle. Fuck thick sliced. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stroopy121 Posted March 9, 2016 Report Share Posted March 9, 2016 11 minutes ago, Lemonade said: I buy medium. Thick is too thick. Too much bread to filling. Makes toast pasty and white in the middle. Fuck thick sliced. Fuck YOU. Thick sliced all the way. Crispy toasted on the outside, still a bread filling. Each slice is a mini-sandwich. xx 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted March 9, 2016 Report Share Posted March 9, 2016 Medium sliced toast is the worst toast. Nothing quite like a chip butty with Warburtons SUPER TOASTIE. Hot chips and melting butter would tear right through medium bread, leaving you with buttery, greasy fingers. xTOASTIExORxDIEx 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted March 9, 2016 Report Share Posted March 9, 2016 I'll neg rep you both, and you can put that in your fucking thick sandwiches. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gypsum_Fantastic Posted March 9, 2016 Report Share Posted March 9, 2016 2 hours ago, Lemonade said: I buy medium. Thick is too thick. Too much bread to filling. Makes toast pasty and white in the middle. Fuck thick sliced. You need to sort your fucking life out m8. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted March 9, 2016 Report Share Posted March 9, 2016 (edited) 3 against 1, Lemonade. 3 people can't be wrong. TxOxD Edited March 9, 2016 by Soda van Jerk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkaline Posted March 9, 2016 Report Share Posted March 9, 2016 I agree, what sort of brown-suit wearing, Leprecaun dodging toast prick buys medium sliced. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted March 9, 2016 Report Share Posted March 9, 2016 Was that the suit aye? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Easy Wishes Posted March 10, 2016 Report Share Posted March 10, 2016 I buy medium sliced you fucking philistines. WTF is wrong with you? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James Broonbreed Posted March 10, 2016 Report Share Posted March 10, 2016 I slice my own bread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted March 10, 2016 Report Share Posted March 10, 2016 Medium sliced wholegrain with seeds. Real salted butter, no marg. No better toast exists. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spoonie Posted March 10, 2016 Report Share Posted March 10, 2016 My bread is emo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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